Hope, the best advice I can give is to try not to laugh when he spouts this fogbabble. He is about as "resolute" as crack head who is high on crack. Don't let it bother you, because his feelings will change once his affair is over.

Higgs,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know that feeling of unbearable pain.

As far as your Plan A ending the affair, it's probably more likely that one of two things happened. First, your exposure and OW's realization that your WH had not been in the process of divorcing you may have caused her to call off the A. Second, the A is still ongoing despite H's denials and that's where he's going whenever he leaves.

Your WH and OW are still working together every day, right? Even if OW declared the A over, your WH is still seeing her daily and being triggered over and over again. He can't begin the process of withdrawal from her until they have no more contact.

All the nonsense he's spewing at you now is typical wayward speak. He's rewritten the history of your M to the point where it's unrecognizable. If you want to see how whacked out a wayward can get, read Ridicsit's thread. Her WH went off the deep end once OW (to whom Ridic's WH had been lying about his M) ended the A. Ridic's WH stayed that way despite NC with OW.

Here, either the A is ongoing or OW ended it, but regardless, there's daily contact. Remember, that's not your H for now, it's an alien that has inhabited his body and its only language is fog babble.

Have you ever looked at the reverse fog babble threads?

Between now and the time your Plan B officially starts, whenever your whacked out WH is around, imagine yourself as your favorite actress playing the role of you in the movie of this horrible experience. How would you want to be portrayed? Strong, calm, dignified and confident that you know the truth of your M. Give an Oscar winning performance and it will help you, your kids and, someday, your WH.

My heart breaks for you and your kids.

Bea

He came to the house this morning crying and hugging the kids. I just sat in the car. I've never felt so despised in my life. There's still more crap to come....he doesn't know how I filed yet.....mainly he left because he wasn't going to look at my parents everyday.

He claims he was never interested in your sex life? Hah, don't even worry about that one, honey, his words about "never being interested" are nothing more than a load of BS. He's just doing/saying whatever he can to make YOU look like the one who's at fault for the troubles in your marriage. Don't let his words affect you, H_E, fogbabble talk is just that...foggbabble talk!

Embarrass HIM and drag HIS name through the mud after 20 years of marriage? Wow, isn't he thoughtful..."What about YOU and YOUR name?"

Oh, not to mention, if he "really" did nothing wrong...he would have nothing to even be embarrassed about now, would he?

If what he says is true (that the OW is not in his life and it never developed into anything...thanks to "you,") then you did just what you set out to do...kill the affair. GOOD!!!

He's just twisting words again, H_E, he knows your folks are only coming in to "support" you. So what if he doesn't like it?

My heart not only breaks for you, H_E, but most definitely for the children, too. I can't stand seeing my kids hurt (even a scraped knee can bother me) but something of "this" proportion...ugh! I am so sorry; stay strong and be there for the kids, they are going to need you now more then ever before. Ever time you feel like you are going to buckle under the pressure...just picture your kiddies in your mind, hopefully that will help make you "keep at it!"

Who wouldn't be tired and scared when going through something like you are? Heck, this is likely going to be one of the toughest times (if not "the" toughest) you'll ever go through in your life. However, you have TONS of support and LOADS of folks rooting for you, H_E, and this is something you CAN DO. Remember, no matter what happens, we are here for you...always!!!

I agree with what ML said above;

Right on target!

YAY!! Your exposure worked and did exactly what it was supposed to do, hope! Good for you!!

I know you are hurting terribly right now...I am so sorry. I also know it's hard to believe that you will feel better in Plan B but you will...I promise.

(((hugs)))

HopeE, he could have found out about the filing if he consulted an attorney and the attorney looked it up on the Court's docket. If you beat him to filing, then he can't file a new one, he can only answer yours. Remember HopeE, at any time, up until the day before the final hearing, you can drop this divorce. You only filed to protect you and the kids and to make sure he continued supporting you.

Please believe everyone when they tell you that your WH is behaving EXACTLY like a WH, saying all the things they ALL say, etc.

I know this is hard, but keep focused on the big picture. You are doing this to SAVE your family. Okay?

(((HopeE))))

He came to the house this morning crying and hugging the kids. I just sat in the car. I've never felt so despised in my life. There's still more crap to come....he doesn't know how I filed yet.....mainly he left because he wasn't going to look at my parents everyday.

He had an aunt that is an attorney and he went to law school for a year, so he has friends he's still in contact with from school. He won't get served until tomorrow since he will be at school. He said he's getting a storage building, so I hope he doesn't clean out the house.

Does the aunt practice Family Law? Is she with a firm or practicing by herself? Chances are if she is in a firm that she won't get officially involved, but she may offer him advice.

Have you exposed to her? She may rethink helping him if she knows the truth, but reading the petition alleging adultery should give her a clue. It's possible she may read him the riot act and show him exactly how drastically his life will change if he doesn't get his act together. What do you think?

Can you call her?

I don't know who she is with.....I can't remember her last name. He's not close with his family, so I don't have much info on anyone. Should I tell my lawyer about exposing her on fb? Will this hurt my case that I did that?

How would it hurt your case? It won't because you did NOTHING WRONG! Yes, tell your lawyer EVENTUALLY but I don't think you need to just yet. Sit tight and see how this is going to play out first.

But when you do, be sure you tell him that you were following the advice here and that Dr. Harley has over 35 years of experience in this stuff. Most lawyers don't know squat about SAVING a marriage, only how to get you through a divorce.

Honestly, the way your WH is reacting to your divorce filing, I think it's hitting him pretty hard. Let's wait and see.

It is hitting him hard, but also making him more resentful toward me. He's going to be back this afternoon to transfer more stuff over to storage building.

Good! More opportunity for Plan A stuff! You want him to leave with a GOOD memory of you. I betcha he finds a million and 1 reasons to come back for "something"... until you go into Plan B and he can't.

Keep the faith! Don't go by what he says, just by what he does. His moving things to a storage facility is a statement (see! I mean it! I really mean it! I do!). Meanwhile, back at the farm, HopeY is calm and peaceful as opposed to his raging storm.

Ok, got home and he's hauled off with mostly personal items, but took pics off the wall of his family pictures...like his dad and grandparents...also of his sisters. The thing that made me go ballistic is he took our fan out of the room...which i cannot sleep without. He says he's staying at trailer and it's hot....I did not do a good plan A and called him major upset. Then, after the call, I lost it and cried like a baby on my bed. Then, I saw our wedding picture on his workbench and started crying all over again.

I just screamed that I hated him for doing this to us....how could he tear our family apart like this?

My mom and dad are almost here, so I'll try to wait patiently...I'm so hurt and I can't see my way out. He should get served tomorrow at school. I'm sorry princess, but I'm not being a very calm and peaceful person; hard to hide my feelings.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[[[hope}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Be strong for your kids.

A friend of mine brought me a fan...I guess I'll tell him to just keep his.
Well, he's finally free of his wife, children and all responsibilities....I pray the God brings him down low so that he can only look up and see what he's missing. I wish that could stop all this, but i can't....I'll just keep praying and hoping for healing in some way. I pray for sleep tonight and purpose in the morning.

HopeE-You can get through this. Focus on one minute at a time. When are you going into the dark Plan B?

{{{HopeE}}}
Try to breathe, focus on being strong for you kids, and just deal with moment at a time. I agree with everyone else, it is time to go to plan B for your own sanity.
Hang in there, you have support here, come here and vent and whine all you need to - I do.

A minute at a time is how I'm operating.....I hate being at school; I just want to go home and sleep. I guess plan b will be oncecthe hearing is over.

Well, today's the day....we'll see how everything goes down. In the mean time, my job is suffering. I've been there 10 years and I just need a change. I'm hoping to go to a different school or something. I get out so late...4:30 and by the time that I get home it's after 5:00. I've always wanted to stay at home with my children, but never had the opportunity to do this. My husband was always trying to follow some dream, going back to school, ministy, starting a business, and law school. All the while, I'm raising the kids, making the money, and still getting no respect in my marriage.

It's so unfair, now he will be free to pursue whatever without any hindrances; he will be the one continuing to be on top. I'm trying to focus on my children and their needs right now, but I'm so focused on self that I'm missing the mark. I prayed this morning more clearly than I ever have....asking God for guidance and direction. Please continue to pray for me. My parents are here now and they are such a big help.