Unfortunately, no AOA in Texas.

I agree completely, Melody, and understand how "planting the seed" is important. I�m merely trying to point out:

A. How difficult that is, esp. when the WW makes herself emotionally and (often) physically unavailable. And�

B. That stuff will all come to naught unless the affair is broken apart.

As I have said repeatedly here on MB about WW-situations, maximum pressure/exposure must be brought ASAP, esp. upon the OM. It�s very rare for a WW to be convinced or �romanced away� voluntarily from a willing OM by the carrot alone. She usually doesn�t see the OM as �just a fling on the side� like WHs often do for their OW. In addition, these OMs have a really good deal going for themselves�he�s getting the ego boost, affirmation, and easy sex of having an infatuated woman attend to him in largely a �no strings attached� manner�and these slimeball loser-men don't care one wit who�s being hurt on all along the way. OMs are usually opportunistic predators who are adept at recognizing, charming, & bs'ing vulnerable women who are insecure in their current relationship. The BH must go ballistic on pressure that discomforts the OM and threatens whatever of value in his life he fears losing (job, wife, $$).

Igrip seems to be doing pretty well on the carrot (as best as his WW will allow) but I�m concerned that he is neglecting the stick a bit. He seems reluctant about �confrontation� and I haven�t seen much exposure to OM�s TARGETS. The idea of emailing OM back-and-forth and reserving WW�s hotel room in OM�s town for her �trip� (undoubtedly for them to hook up) is RED FLAG CITY. Igrip, are you listening? The only thing you should be giving OM is �postal� pressure to stay the he77 away from your WW. Expose and threaten him big time to everyone you can. Any and all pressure, short of illegality, is what you should be doing here!

I just get a little nervous, given my own past regrettable mistakes, whenever I see any BH acting �heavy on the carrot� but �short on the stick� in Plan A. I don�t want to see any other good men be played, used, and manipulated like I was.

It makes me nervous too. I agree that he needs to beef up the stick quite a bit and make the OM's life a living hell.

love it! Usually with a Texan the advice is "leave your pistol in the car when you and your brother BUBBA visit the OM!"

I see everyone and their point. I am just scared. That is basically all it is. Everyday, I feel I am being 'strung' along until a divorce is served. I am alone. Yes, I talk to friends and of course, my friends feel for me. And her dumb friends say 'do whatever makes you happy.' I cannot stop thinking and believing that she is 'done' as she says. Everything she says is bad about our relationship. However, it was good overall...at least to me. I cannot believe that she 'faked' happiness for the past year or whatever.

The stick...they are saying that I was a 'bad' husband. Yes, I can expose more...to other groups online. My goodness...I understand, but that seems to stoop. I don't want 'the world' (at least our world) to know. All of his friends that I know of, do know. None of them approve.

This all just does not make sense to me. I know I am not dealing with a logical person and emotions are not logical. But, me, if she said tonight, that she would try and give us another chance, I would be the HAPPIEST man on earth. Am I clinging on to a delusion? Last night, the cat touched my leg while I was asleep and I thought it was my wife..and I was happy (until I woke up and saw the empty king size bed with just me and the cat that is) Yes, a texan sleeps with a cat :P

Also, I am 'worried' what will happen this weekend. If she wants to go, do I tell her "if you do, then you are sleeping elsewhere because this house is no longer welcome to you." You can see the baby, but get another place. Sounds good to stand up, but can I really do that? Will it work? Who knows.

I visualize everything...and I need to think positively. Right now, I am having trouble though. Help. Thanks to all..I cannot say thank you enough. I wish there was a 'guarantee' in life, but unfortunately, there is not. I just really think divorce is a life destroyer..every dream and goal I have had up to this point (37) has come true. The future was planned well and I was with her and my daughter. The fact that it is crumbling before my eyes just devastates me. Normal feelings, but still, this sucks.

Again, words words words of encouragement or reality are welcome...thank you.

Melody,

Yeah, frankly, a good ole-fashioned "I'll cut your ball$ off if I ever have to see you again" a$$-whipping of the OM in a dark alley is the kind of 'frontier justice' needed here.



Get some good ole-boys together, Igrip

Just told another of his good friends just now...will see. More pressure the better. Geez. This sucks. I want my life normal again. I can't think or talk of anything else.

igrip, a more effective exposure would be to call his parents. If they are Texans they might be like me. If my son acted so trashy, I would horse whip on the public square.

Does this loser have a facebook page?

Have you actually spoken to your MIL and made sure she fully understands her D's adultery? i am very confused about why she would accompany her DD to shack up with this scumbag. What is that all about?

This guy is 44 ...his parents are deceased (at least his dad). I mentioned earlier to him about what his dad (were he to be alive) would think about his actions (he had said in the past that his father was an honorable man). Believe it or not, he even had a good excuse for that one - his dad would not be judgemental and see it for the good of another human - my wife. Amazing..this is what I am dealing with.

BTW, he is not a 'loser' but he has no degree, been divorced twice, been fired from his past two jobs (or laid off--regardless - let go). THIS is what my wife thinks is better than me? A degreed successful business owner? With life plans and actions that are all positive? Really? Not that money means anything because now, I would gladly get rid of it all and live in a tent with my wife and child if that is what it would take. But really?

Yes, he has a facebook. So does my wife. What do I do with that? My wife is a 'figure' in the auto world She is well-known and admired. He is nothing. I do not have a facebook - never believed in it as I think it is hard enough to keep in contact with my actual friends, much less high school friends.

Actually, now that I think of it, one of our good friends is a cop. A detective. And he is a family man. Maybe he has a idea..will call him tomorrow. Thanks for the tips.....keep them coming....

Yeah, NO SH*T! WTF is your MIL doing accompanying her daughter on a sex-"trip" to the OM's town???

If WW wants to "go away" to OM's town (while he's "gone"...yeah RIGHT!) for the weekend, I would be in the hotel room right next door with a Louisville Slugger in hand...if hickory wood happens to swiftly contact his contact his slimy-a$$ in the parking lot "by accident", then so be it.

I believe he was really going to be out of town....from the texts and emails I found, I know where he was going.

No idea if the MIL even had an idea that they would be going for the weekend..may have been just my wife's plan to go and then tell her mom closer to the weekend whatever she would tell her. No idea, but regardless, they are not going at this time.

Who knows what she was thinking to 'stay in his house' for the weekend. My wife USED TO not even want to go many places for the good of baby (around other sick kids, not her own bed, etc) but now, she thinks this is all a good idea?

I am really confused everyone. I emotionally go up and I go down many times during the day. Right now, I am down because I think in her mind, maybe 'we' are over and all this is for naught. But, I have to try everything I can do. That is my goal. I do not want to regret not trying anything in my life and so far, this is something I want more than anything else.

I also have to think positively. Hard to do when your wife is just an empty face the few times a day I do see her now. Keep going keep going keep going. Easier said. Encouragement. Words of advice? I'm just sad right now...I'll sleep, but not great tonight.

Igrip,

Let me knock some reality into you�this OM definitely is a SLIMEBALL, both morally and professionally.

Don�t think that for a second protects you. It doesn�t.

Don�t think for a second that the fact you are a way �better man� or �better catch� on paper protects you either. It doesn�t.

Don�t think for a second that your WW is going to just �wake up� logically on her own. She won�t

Immature, insecure, vulnerable women like this almost always AFFAIR DOWN. WAY DOWN...

Affairs aren�t about reality; they are about fantasy. They aren�t about thoughts and rationality; they are about emotions and �feelings�. (Esp. with WWs)

Think your situation is unique? It isn�t. My then-WW affaired with a man who was:
A high school dropout with a GED
Dishonorably discharged from the military
17+ years older
Short, fat, and a drug abuser
Cheating on his 3rd marriage
A serial adulterer, philanderer, child-abandoner to 3 kids from 3 different women
[I won�t list my �credentials� but suffice it say that they include education, intelligence, morality, loyalty, physicality, and honor that FAR exceed any of the above.]

These WWs (�good girls� all beforehand) will affair with any piece of human filth who will pay attention to them when they are needy. They don�t care. They will sell out their marriage, family, friends, values, character, and standards. I know personally, at MB and in real life, of WWs that cheated and divorced for men who were (as examples) toothless 2nd cousins, perpetually unemployed, steroid-ragers, serial liars, and overt criminals, merely because these OM were smooth-talking opportunists who knew how to manipulate a woman by �saying all the right things� at the right time.


The point of all this is:

PLEASE GET ON THE �STICK� IMMEDIATELY AND UNRELENTENTLY TO PRESSURE THIS AFFAIR

Igrip, until you get off your rear you can plan on these feelings you are experiencing enduring forever.

You are NOT fighting for your wife!
You are NOT fighting for your daughter!

You ARE cowering!
You ARE calling the OM, who is diddling YOUR wife, respectful!

You would be best served by releasing your pent up anger at total and nuclear exposure. Rent an effing billboard!

Good God, it hurts just watching you!

ok, that leaves his mother. What about her? Can you id her on his facebook page?


Uh yes, he is a loser. Only a loser would do another man's wife. And in front his own child! That is about as low as it gets.

I would expose to his facebook friends. Try and find his family members and send them all private messages asking them to use their influence to persuade him to leave your family alone.

YOU ARE MAKING THIS WAY TOO EASY FOR THIS LOSER TO DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR CHILD'S FAMILY.

I would be sending out a facebook letter similar this:

Dear friend of Joe Scumbag,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Joe had an affair with my wife, Sally, from Aug until September. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have 2 small daughters and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BH

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

Did YOU tell the MIL about her plans? Are you enlisting her help in persuading her daughter? Does she even KNOW about the affair?

Yes, her mom knows of the affair. Just wants to take care of baby - that is her first and only priority.

Then you need to stress to your MIL that caring for the baby goes further than babysitting while your WW chases after OM. Appeal to her about caring for the baby's emotional needs and for her future. Does MIL really want the baby to be split up in two houses, with some strange man having access to her in the middle of the night? REALLY??

Good point ... will push and lean on the MIL this morning. You are correct...she was lying to her own mother to enable her adultery. And taking advantage that baby was in a good place.

And an aside, today my wife found my 'surviving an affair' book and I had highlighted important areas for myself. She skimmed (what she wanted to skim of course) and proceeded to tell me how biased that book was. I did not argue, and I remained calm. I told her that the book was helping me at this time when my life got turned upside down. I told her that I was learning and reading it for myself, not for her. And that I am not making any excuses for her affair as that was not my fault. Very calmly, but matter of factly. She told me that she saw the book says 'if you get rid of the affair, then your marriage will be great again.' I told her that was not so...simply steps to making ME feel better. Book gives viewpoints as to what she is feeling and doing right now. She said 'I bet it says that I am delusional too right?" I told her if she would like to read the entire book and then discuss the bias, I would be glad to wait for that. Of course, she doesn't.

And just for kicks, she added how there is not relationship to save and that he has nothing to do with her decision.

Good morning to me huh? But, I stayed calm.

Ahhhhh, a quote lifted directly from the Wayward's Playbook. Hmmm, was that page 67 or page 42?????

Grip, hopefully you KNOW this is standard fogbabble. My WW still goes to the well with that one. Clearly, recyclable material.....

Good job handling the convo......

TB

Well, yeah, she's got you, there. The book IS biased. It's biased in favor of having a healthy M as opposed to destroying a family. Yup. It sure is biased, alright.