I have this really huge trigger which sets me off and I don't know how to handle it. We are really active in our church since D-Day 1.10 months. Every time I read the verse in the Bible where Jesus washes his disciple�s feet I get triggered really badly and I get so mad at my H. My DH x-wh*re washed his feet as a form of worshipping him. She was from a foreign country and in that country mistresses wash their MM feet as a term of endearment (makes me ill to think that some women are so desperate). Anyway, I don't know how to get past this major trigger. Last night my DH was reading the Bible to me and he read where Jesus washed his disciple�s feet. I got so mad that I had to leave the room and sleep in another bedroom. I know it�s stupid but I just can't help it.

If you have any suggestions please tell me how I can get over this. My DH has been wonderful and has done everything in his power to make up for his stupidity. We really are doing well but that feet washing thing makes me lose it.

Avoid the trigger! Avoid the trigger and in time it will fade.

A whole big Bible, with all of its stories, and your H has to read about the feet-washing part? Why? Why would he read something like this to you, out of all the stories that he could read? Have you told him that this bothers you?

Tell him gently that that passage is a trigger for you and you would like him to avoid it.

I finally told him last night. I usually just shut down and shut him out when I hear that passage but we talked about it last night. He was actually reading a lot of passages but that one I just can't take.

cobo_girl...it is a cultural thing...i'm an Orthodox Christian and many of our members at Church are Lebanese or Jordanian and they love to kiss...men kiss the cheek of other men, I prefer to shake hands, but on occasion I will get kissed on the cheek...again, it's a cultural thing, something that we Americans think is odd.

the same with feet washing...it's not about "worshipping", but showing submission and humility...Christ wasn't "worshipping" His disciples.

it makes you ill, because you view women washing the feet of their husbands as humiliating, degrading and being desperate...from an American point of view, that would seem so, but that doesn't make it so.

Holy Scripture doesn't command women or men to wash the feet of others, so don't feel you have to wash your husband's feet and thus your husband shouldn't make you.

You've wrongly connected an act of submission and humility to your DH "x-wh*re" with worshipping and being desperate...you beef is with the "x-wh*re" and what she was doing for your Husband and not with the act itself.

Your hubby needs to be aware of this "trigger" for you and he should avoid it.

My main point is don't confuse what feet washing is in a Biblical sense to what it is in your mind in regard to your Husbands "x-wh*re".

Okay, but listen - don't shut your feelings down. That's not fair to your H. He can't read your mind, so share these things with him. That helps you avoid pain and resentment, and helps him understand your needs.

I didn't take her post that way. I understood her to mean that the reference to foot-washing is a trigger for her, whether it be a story from the Bible or a news article on TV. I can see her point completely, nothing anti-biblical about it.

i'm not saying she's "anti-biblical"...I'm correcting her thought on what feet washing is...and it's not about "worshipping" and/or being in a "desperate" mindset.

Thanks maritalbliss. You are right. I understand the Biblical aspect of feet washing and why Jesus did it. My DH and I have shared many intimate things of course but for some other woman to do that to my DH makes me angry. I know he let her and believe me I have let him know that it was his fault. It's just that I see that as such an act of desperation. I know it's a cultural thing. The x-other-skank-ho was from a country where women used very seductive methods to get American men. I have tried to wrap my head around the fact that she was really poor and looking for a way out but sometimes it still makes me angry that she tried so hard to take my DH. I read emails where she literally begged my DH to sleep with her. I know he's responsible and believe me, I didn't let him off the hook.

It's just that when I hear the feet washing Bible verse it makes me relive what she did to him. I am working through it and I don't flip out anymore like I did for a couple of months after D-Day. My DH avoids my triggers like the plague.

I think I agree with MB...I took the point of this thread as anything to do with feet washing is a trigger...It just happened this time to be the reading from the Bible...Next time it might be something that has NOTHING to do with the Bible.

I dont think it mattered what the foot washing meant when it was done to her DH. The trigger is just a big one for her and I dont blame her. It didnt matter WHY it was done, just the fact that is was done was enough.

Oops you beat me to it Cobol Gire.

I disagree with your interpretation. The issue isn't whether or not the act is right or wrong, but that is it something his skankho did, which triggers her.

Things like this ARE triggers and the solution is to just avoid triggers.

Maybe I shouldn't have used the phrase "anti-biblical." The bottom line is that references to foot-washing is a "trigger" whether it be for purposes of submission or because the washer has a foot fetish. It triggers her and needs to be avoided.

You must continue to be Radically Honest about your triggers!

Your H won't know that he needs to stop doing something unless he KNOW'S that it's a trigger. Once he knows, he can be more thoughtful in the future.

I know how devistating these triggers can be, but please talk to your H when they happen.... it will help the recovery!