I am SOOO glad that you know you know what your are worth! Knowing this will give you a HUGE advantage to fix this marriage, and if you can't then you will come out a WAY better person then you are right now, and the next person you find will be 10 times better then your WH.

Out of this experience you will change to a powerful young lady, someone strong, focused, and determined. If your husband comes around and decides to recovery then he will change as well, and your marriage will be stronger! If he doesn't then he will not LEARN ANYTHING, and he will be the exact same person, miserable, unhappy, depressed, and most likely have about 2 more D in his life time!



WAY TO GO LISA!!!

I am almost poisitve:

Recreational support
PA
SF
Domestic
affection & admiration

I get mani.pedis on a 2 week basis I always have , he does like my hair longer but I look younger with shorter hair
I do not have funds right now for new items but i have things i was too heavy for that I use now

OMG my WH is sooooo suspicious he keeps asking me questions about the guy fixing his bike! Not only can he go there himself but the guys is his friends cousin.....

He askes me to handle the repair but then questions me about when and how much interaction i have with this guy!!!

I just answered his questions in a matter of fact way but I wanted to laugh really!

Just like a WS to think just because they did it you would do it as well!

I know how vulnerable I am right now so I know better than to have anything but casual and minimal contact with anyone of the opposite sex right now......

Again I am highly amused!

hmm...this is very amusing! First of all when I was in my EA#2 I wanted soo badly Wheels find someone else, I wanted him to give up and just end up having an A as well, I thought maybe it would be easier! The thought of Wheels with another woman did not phase me! I actually thought it plenty of times, so it would be easier to help me with all this GUILT I had!

So for him being jealous is very good!

1. Because he still LOVES YOU!
2. He's probably thinking this (Marriage) might work!

GREAT JOB LISA!

Raise that bar high Lisa! You are WORTH it.
Start thinking about what your requirements would be if he wanted to return to work on the marriage. What would you require? Some ideas are: transparency, counseling with MB, no-contact with OW for life, no female friends/texting/emailing etc.

I am so glad you are able to find humor in his reactions right now! That is the BEST way to look at him! Just laugh! You have the power.

Wow Lisa, I just read your thread for the first time today. You are doing great! Your turn-around was awesome.

A couple of thoughts-- as for physical contact with him. All wayturds resist it. But think of it as a game. Find excuses to brush up against him while walking through a room, reach up and cup his cheek for a SECOND, wink, and then walk away, etc. It'll be fun to come up with all the creative ways you can get that physical touch within his boundaries. Don't necessarily go for hugs or kisses because THAT can be a LB to him, even though that's not how you mean it.

As for communicating with him each morning (which is a great idea) texting is great for that. One of my favorite texts to use in this situation is to say, "Just heard on the news that the aliens have landed and are abducting all the beautiful sexy people. I'm gonna miss ya!" He won't know if you're referring to him or to yourself. The only reason NOT to text him is if he sees it as a LB.

One final thought for now, keep MB a secret from anyone who might let on to your WH about what you're doing. You don't want to be outed just yet.

Carry on. You're doing GREAT!

haha, sounds like you're finally getting somewhere, be it for good or bad, he's definitely taking notice of the stand you're taking here. I can't wait to here what happens with the weekend, especially with this atlantic city excursion with the co-worker you've never heard of....odd, but whatever is going to happen will happen.

Lisa,
Don't let anything, any situation, anything you learn throw you off your plan...
This is a plan of longevity, Plan A you *$$ off, and don't worry about what he does, he needs to notice what you are doing.......

Well sorry for not updating in a couple of days!

First off I had a girls night on wendsay so I had my kids sleeop over my friends house! I sent him a text saying that we were not at the house and that we would see him the next day.

Well he spent the night texting my daughter to see what was going on!

Yesterday I had my psychiatry appt and was very busy most of the day! He was sending me texts questioning me where I was what I did the night before....

I was having a tough day and he just kept sending angry texts because I wouldnt answer him! I wasnt doing it because I didnt want to I was just overwhelmed and didnt want to deal with his demands right then and there! I sent him a text saying I couldnt text him right now

I saw him eating lunch in his truck so I stopped and he was soooo angry with me.

I asked him why he was so angry and he was like oh you dont answer my texts and you didnt tell me what you were doing today and you left the kids alone all day...

I said I had my appt today it lasted several hours, If I had been at work our daughter would have babysat the kids.... I also told him I have had a very calm and positive week and do not wish to get into this right now... You asked me for what you needed and I have been trying to do just that,,,,

I changed the subject to getting parts for his motorcylce...

He then said well I guess I dont have to know everything!

Later on that night he came over I was in my room cleaning it and dancing to the music! I didnt even know he was there I came upon him in the computer room... I was cheerful and asked him what he was looking at and offered him food.....

I kept going in and out of the room keeping up happy chatter... .
I offered to serve him dinner but he said he would do it himself... He then said he was leaving to which I told him bye in a cheerful voice....

I am drained mentaly and physically.... I am glad he in AC right now I need a break from him....

I do wonder who he really is going with but at this point I am not going to dwell on it....

YES! Don't dwell on it, it will only make you hurt, otherwise I am so glad that things are still good for you in plan A you are still doing a great job even though it is physically and emotionally hard.

Just remember that you have all of us to help you

You have a great, positive day!

Lisa,

It is NOT a lovebuster to say to him "honey, you don't want me questioning your every move - so i assume the same rules apply to me."

He is crazy jealous Lisa. He realizes that he has left you open to advances from other men and he is running that scenario through his mind, and finding he doesn't like it much.

I would suggest making a changes around the house. Painting your bedroom to a color that YOU like. He will not like that he doesn't have a say....

So what are your Plan A plans today? Remember to do things that will hit his top 5...

hi Lisa,

glad you had a girl night out.......just be nice and happy when you are around him, it sounds like he doesn't like it much when you are out of touch with him.....good sign........re-thinking losing you for good and never having contact with him means he is weighing things out in his mind. .........will it be worth having the OW if it means having to give you up...........I know my husband said this was a huge question for him......I actually told him if he went to her that I was not interested in even having him as a friend, had enough of them........There would be absolutely no contact at all and I would see him at our son's wedding......I meant it still do..........Told him I loved him but he was free to go if that was his choice.....
Stayed in a good Plan A while he weighed things out......
Try not to stress out when he is not there, you can't control that part but you can when you do have contact with him......
all you can do is try your best if it works great, if it doesn't at least you will know you gave it your all and you just didn't let someone else walk away with your life

I am going to get my toes, nails and eyebrows done, im going to the gym! i also want to buy a new pair of jeans cause all the ones I have I had to throw away because they are sooo loose on me!

I do not expect to see him at all today so I was going to go get a drink or two with my girlfriend and then just relax at home!

You can take this time away from him to email him with a "remember the time...." type of message. I would write messages to my WH about a dream I had(which I only had a small one but embellished it HUGE). I included all of the things he liked in SF in ONE dream. That is the advantage we BSs have, we KNOW our WSs. We know all of their wants and desires. I also made sure to write about the births of our children. These are things WE share. NO ONE else can share in these memories, they were special to US.

He doesnt have access to emails but I just sent him a text asking him if he remembered the time we went to AC with his mom I was like 7 months pregnant and could even gamble cause I was only 20 not 21....

I had to sit and wait with all the other kids in the hallway outside the cadino floor! It was hilarious me with my huge belly sitting with a bunch of kids whos parents were gambling!

We had so much fun in AC!

I know he read it but never answered back! Sooooo im gonna keep it moving

NO EXPECTATIONS. It is the little things that add up in Plan A and are thought about in Plan B. Even then, you wouldn't know about it until after you are recovered. You don't do things to see his reactions. You do things because you are changing who you are into who you WILL be and who you WANT to be. That is what Plan A is ALL about.

You are right I was getting anxious!

I just gotta do things for my own recovery right now!

He was at my house when I got there from the gym last night!

He starts talking to me about how much weight I have lost and what my goal is what size i want to be!

Then he tells me his cousins were causing trouble last night! I told him well that is the lifestyle they have down by your dads house! Im glad I am not in the bad part of town!

He goes to me well yeah I dont want that but thats where I have to be right now

I looked at him and got up I told him i didnot feel like discussing this rightnow

He followed me into the kitchen and we started talking about my job and how i was getting tickets for the preopening event at my job! He was like oh if you you want to give me a ticket I wouldnt mind going...

I looked at him and was joking said well we will see....

So he goes to my daughter who just walked in "oh mommy doesnt want to take me she is taking her new boyfriend" He said that in a flirty voice with a smile

My daughter was like mom doesnt have a boyfriend dad!

He smiled and was like oh no?

I laughed because that was so ridiculus! I went outside and sat on my steps amused...

He sat there and asked me why i was laughing and I told him that I had forgotten how funny you were and how you could make me laugh!

We went to go see the mechanic for his bike and he tells me

"Thanks for being quiet all week"

I looked at him and was like what does that mean that isnt very nice

He goes you know what I mean you know not fighting all week.... dont get upset now!

I said I am not mad it just didnt sound very nice the was you said it and I already told you I wasnt doing the fighting anymore.

He said it was nice not to fight so he was just trying to thank me for it!