I'm glad your DS graduation was good......and your DD is due soon...... and YDS is still among the living.....We miss you here. You were such a mainstay for so long, however, I know life sometimes goes on........

And in case you are wondering, I just HATED the number of your LAST page, so that is why I posted multiple times......

loves ya bunches......Not

Having a little trigger are we?

Nope not at all......

I'm not sure about where you have your defaults set, but mine are set at 10 posts per page, which makes THIS page 667........ No triggers, just didn't want to Queenie's thread stuck there, especially since there hasn't been much activity lately.....

Besides, Mark, haven't you taught us all BS's how to handle triggers?....

Hidey Ho Neighbors,

Thanks Not, I think I do like this page better. Although some people thing I am the spawn of the devil.

Soooo.. Isaiah was born at 4:19 on Friday, weight in at a whopping 3.1 lbs. I believe he is 13 inches long. Angel, was born at 4:22 and weighed in a 3.1 just like his older bro. Angel tried for 15 minutes to breath on his own, but he just wasn't able to make it any longer. Isaiah, came out screaming and kept on screaming as everyone attending to him.

He is doing just simply amazing. He does have a feeding tube because he isn't sucking yet, but that only is a matter of time. He seems to get much time out of the incubator and is laying on either mom and dad at all times when out. They say that's what's best for him with respect to development.

Angel, was held by every family member for a very long time and even throughout the night. After everyone left, mom and my AA sponsor were able to just look at Angel as G-d had made him with all his imperfections and all his perfections. To look at him he was absolutely identical to his brother. So much hair. It was just beautiful how it all ended and G-d really was able to create good out of very horrific situation.

I see ya smiling JT....

Mom is in a lot of pain, but being released probably from the hospital tomorrow, which means meals are oh her from now on. LOL Isaiah is supposed to stay a few weeks, but who knows what g-d has planned.

On another front, my navy man, OS called his father up today to ask him for advice in what to say to his GF's father. He wants to ask her to get married and we encouraged him to get the parents ok first. It was a very touching moment as it has been all week watching and hearing about how both are interacting more and more now, with my son even calling him dad. I can finally be at peace that what I fought so long and hard for was the RIGHT thing.

My H thanks me continually for all I did and even said that he wouldn't have done the same thing. Who knows, doesn't matter to me, what matters to me is my kids are healing, life continues to become normal and I'm still very grateful to G-d.

Oh... I think we had somewhat of our first fight today and it was so awesome because I was mad and frustrated and just kept to my ground, not worrying about whether he would walk out on me. You see, it's almost 3 years from D-day. Crack ho is but a nightmare that doesn't seem to recur anymore.

The lessons that I needed to learn have been remembered and my relationship with G-d still remains the most important precious thing I have in my life. I trust my G-d that he will get me through the hard times when I'm frustrated because I still don't have all that I want, but what I have back is my self respect and my marriage. It's not anything like it was before. It's so much better than I ever imagined, but it isn't anywhere where I hope it to be one day.

As my loving friend JT reminds me, G-d knows the plans he has for me. He tells me he has plans, just not when they will come to fruition. So like three years ago when my world was blown to smitherines, I walk in faith and trust my G-d.

And with truly all my heart I thank every single one of you who have walked with me. I have made my life busy and stay away from here because I don't have the knowledge down that others do on what to do when.

But, what I do have is the hope that no matter how hopeless a situation is, if you just trust your G-d. It will all work out just like it is supposed to.

Hello Queenie,

You've had your share of intensity and still manage to sound calm. You amaze me.

Nice to see you back.

{{{{{Queenie}}}}},

Sounds like wonderful news all around. Your spirit warms me......

not2fun

at N2F posting a gazilion times to make such Queenies thread wasnt stuck on the-page-before-667

Queenie, a walking talking goddess. Your strength amazes me. I cant believe its been so long already! Yes that first 'fight' is a milestone, scary but empowering too as you realise you do have the right to not agree with everything they say LOL.

WHO????....

Let me at 'em........

Just give me a list and I'll take "care" of them.........

Not

Hi guys,

How's everyone doing. Shabbat Shalom Mark, Happy weekend everyone else.

Faithful follower told me a few months back to take a break and I have to admit it feels really good to be away from here. There are so many triggers and sadness and I could never be a good nurse or dr. I feel the pain and want to help. Sometimes I feel helpless because so many people on here give the best advice and direction at the time that is needed, then I stupidly feel sorry for myself and don't think that I have anything valuable to offer. And when this alcoholic feels sorry for herself, that's just plain UGLY and not necessary.

So.... what's been happening. OMG so much. So much mazel tov's... My DD had her baby on 5-19. He weighed in at 7 lbs, 7 oz. He is 19.5 inches. He came early and my DD had the most awesome birth. Other than have discomfort and contractions during the day, really her labor only started around midnight, he was born at 9 am and she only pushed for 20 minutes. I got to be there for the whole birth. I had c-sections so that was something I had never experienced. It was just amazing and the little man is doing just awesome. I got to run errands with her last week and babysat while she took a LONG needed nap and daddy went and did things he did. I also got to have him overnight on Thursday, which was just awesome. He is so precious and reminds me of how much I love my babies. I had to laugh because there was NO WAY I would have EVER let my mom have my babies overnight, but the cool part about my life today is that I have an incredible close relationship with my D and that wouldn't have happened without the A.

3rd D-day came and went, not without a hard day or triggers. It seems that the time leading up to it, I did all the right things, acknowledge it, not give it to much power and talk about it with H, but BAM... It hit me and I was sad and crying inside the whole day. Even when the day was over and we were sitting at the lax game together I just simply couldn't get the sadness and the memory of that day. H was great, understanding, asked what he could do to help and I told him to just let me feel my feelings and cry, but hold me. He kept reassuring me, but he doesn't always have the words to express what he is feeling.

You know I really thought with us being back together and actually the anniversaries of us beginning around being around this same time would help, but that totaly destruction of time is embedded in my memory and maybe I won't ever forget. One thing I noticed, is as bad as he feels about it, he doesn't totally get it because he wasn't the one being destroyed. He was the one walking away into his world of fantasy. And maybe he just can't go to that place.

This has been such a feeling month with the two births and deaths and the excitment of knowing my son was proposing to his GF last night that I think I just was in overload. And that's ok, because I have learned from my G-d is that he is there walking through it with me and needs something from me to learn as I move forward. I don't always like it still or understand but I have learned to be obedient to him.

I also think that physically I have been exhausted because of the puppy, and that I'm not sleeping through the night still and that's hard on an old lady. brb

I haven't had much time to be the domestic goddess with all the lax games, work, my children, spending UA with hubby, my mtgs etc. One thing that I am noticing is I need more time with G-d and I have to find that space. It always helps me so much to just have my time and listen to his words and direction.

The end of the year of school is happening, all the chaos, etc and I really have come to learn how much I detest chaos. I worked very hard to become a woman of G-d and he doesn't want chaos in my world. So, I have to work hard to not get overwhelmed and just walk one step in front of the other and wait for G-d to show me when I get scared or lost.

I'm rambling and very sorry about that. The day that GS was born, I came home after being up all night with my DD and went to work for a little while. H and YS spent almost the entire day up there holding the baby and just being. Because YS's phone was broken or something I gave him my phone, and the end result was that I wasn't able to communicate with H which always makes me nervous. They ended up not getting home until really late and given that D-day and him deciding to not come home was just past I realized I was severly struggling inside, so when they did get home I just sobbed. H and I spoke and I realized that I needed him to just show a little appreciation for this day to me. If I hadn't have held onto G-d and had faith and trust in G-d then who knows how this day might have been. We wouldn't have been together and the chances of him having a relationship with any of his children or the chance to be present on his grandson's Birthday was slim to nill. And I just needed an acknowledgement of that. Not for my ego, but it helps me to stay focused and reassured that this was all worth it.

All those endless nights of crying myself to sleep, the terror of not knowing what was going to happen, the courage at times to face him as each BS needs to and defend myself for not just me but our children. He actually understood and we had a very close moment. We actually have LOTS of close moments. Our communication is just awesome and no, there is still no SF and it's very HARD on me to say the least, but then G-d is so wonderful and gracious and gives me either the strength to continue on or gives me a sign that it's not time to give up yet.

You know... here is what I focus on today. He loves me. He shows me he loves me by asking me if I am happy, which he hadn't asked EVER before. He is attentive and giving to me. He is involved with me and our children in a different way than before. He doesn't take it for granted and seems to be grateful for this opportunity. He continues to go to meetings regularly and his program is his program. I have to stay clear and out of it.

So Miss Queenie is a grandma. Guess we need to start calling you Granny now, huh?

While you are over three years out from D-day, you aren't yet a year at having your H back home. Triggers will lessen with time and care from him, Queenie. The joy you get from your grandson will eventually overshadow most of the trauma from your entire life. Grandkids have a wya of doing that.

Shabbat Shalom, Granny!

Hi Queen Bube! (JT waving from the damp north valley)

Your OS is getting married, your DD is a mom, and you're a grandma! WOW! Mazel Tov!



We need to get together soon. Want to get together Mon?

Call me-

Well hello there, your majesty

MAZEL TOV! and welcome to granny-ville. WHats your G'ma name going to be? ITA understand the comment of the A making you closer to your children, just totally.

We past out 2nd D-day antiversary a wee bit ago, it certainly loses some omph with time. I wonder if because your separation was longer than most if that has some impact on your reaction. to Mr Q for holding you, even if he cannot articulate the things well. Actions not words anyway, right? Just sometimes those words can be healing balm to the soul

Still no SF? You. Are. Amazing!

{{{{Grandma Q}}}}}

Ahhhhh, that has a truly sweet sound to it. I have missed you so much!!!!

I'm glad the break has done you well. While your support and advice has been sorely missed, regaining your inner strength and balance is always necessary....

I'm glad to hear of the baby news and that he and mom are doing wonderful. Not so much a surprise, since you are there....

Glad to hear of the great strides Mr. Q is taking in helping you deal with triggers.

You already know that they will lessen over time. And while you have been dealing with this longer than most, what Mark said about you two being back together is true. I know for me, that the second anniversary came and went and I FORGOT about it!!! If you had asked me when all this started if that would have been possible, I would have NEVER BELIEVED it. But it did. I knew it was coming, but when the day finally arrived, I forgot....I pray you get that same reprieve.

You've had a lot on your plate recently.....and through it all you've florished, even if YOU don't think so, *I* see it....it is most powerful!!!!

I'm proud of ya honey.....

Not

Queenie, that's so great to hear about your new Grandbaby!
That's reason to dance, right there!

d-day annies, I'm sorry it was so tough. I'm not looking forward to the 2nd one, although I believe people around here that say each one is filled with less sadness. Here's to the future.
It sounds like your H did the best that he could.
I don't think that they ever can understand, unless of course they have been where we are, as we cannot ever understand how they feel about what they did to the M.

Nice to see you updating!

Queenie! So good to hear your update. Congratulations on your new grandbaby! I am so happy for all the good that has come into your life since we talked so many moons ago.

I'm so happy things have turned around for you. You had such incredible perseverance. Your journey isn't over yet, and much of the reward is still ahead of you.

About the D-day anniversary...I'm sorry #3 was tough. I think the more we've been through, the longer that day haunts us. Although my FWH and I been recovering, our third D-day haunted me so much I refused to celebrate our 40th anniversary, which came just a couple of days after. Just couldn't do it. H understood, bless him, and now our 4th D-day is right around the corner and guess what? I DON'T CARE! So, take heart.

~R

That is weird the third anniversary of D-day hit me hard too........

Queenie! Just stopping by to check on you...and I don't mean your score on Bejeweled.. I HATE YOU! lol

You have been on my mind for a few weeks and just reading to catch up on your life.

I knew about that precious grandbaby and it is a blessed event because your family is together again.

You are doing great and have the patience and faith of Job.

While my situation appears to be a train wreck I am not in charge of the future and live for today.

Take care my friend.

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie.