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you are doing a great job ....and he is responding...keep it up..
married 21
Together 26 -
OW 2yrs, he worked with her and found secret e-mail account.The first cut is the deepest.
just found out H is a serial cheater - total cut to pieces now- saw a D lawyer today.
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you are doing a great job ....and he is responding...keep it up.. BUTTTTTTT, remember NO EXPECTATIONS. You see, that's when you will feel down about what you are doing and it may even drain your LB$. Also, it is NORMAL for a WS to believe that the BS is "seeing" someone too. Crazy wayturd thinking. The pocket response I was given to tell my WH was, "I believe in a marriage with only 2 people, would you like a cookie?" This tells your WH that you ARE NOT "dating" because that's NOT what married people do. You're doing GREAT. How long do you think you are going to pull off a GREAT Plan A for? Remember, you may need to pull out the Plan B card.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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hahaha, this is awesome. So glad to hear you're turning the tables on him Lisa. Definitely DON'T create expectations for ANY of this, as that sets you up for disappointment all over the place.
By the way I'm kind of jealous that you have steps to sit on out front. where I'm living now I dont really have front steps so to speak. Its always enjoyable to get some fresh air out there...
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Lisa, you haven't posted in a few days, how are you? I hope it's just because you are busy on your adventure. This is the week you were going on a family vaca right? I hope that is why you are so quiet right now. Prayers going out to you.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Yeah, lisa, we just want to know that you are okay...even if you dont feel like making a post...just let us now your okay....just post "im okay" if thats all you feel like posting right now...we are worried.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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Earth to Lisa...
Earth to Lisa...
Speak to us, Lisa...
Hello...
Come in...
Over...
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Lisa,
Tell us what's going on...
Don't make me track you down.
Mark
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Lisa? We are worried but also hoping you are enjoying some real family time. Please check in.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Sorry havent posted for a while!
Had a great 3 days of vacation and 3 days not so great! We had a couple discussions and when I told him i felt like they were arguments he told me well how are we to move forward if we dont discuss thing!
He tried to make me feel like it was my fault he cheated because of my weight and that was kind of painfull.... but i told him ididnt want to discuss it... He told me he feel like I should have lost weight a long time ago!
I told him well im doing it for me now because I am focusing on bettering myself!
Saturday started ok he came home to pick me up so that I could go get tires with him for his car...
I of course answered the door in some skimpy underwear and he was staring which made me feel good! After that I asked him for a ride on the motorcycle which he took me!
After I spent the day at the pool with my kids... i came home to find him sleeping on the sofa! I made dinner and he stayed for dinner but then left to go to a family a babyshower which he forgot to tell me about....
That really ticked me off and I told him that I felt embarrased because now I had to explain to his cfamily why I never showed up! He of couse yelled at me and I told him I felt bad and didnt want to discuss it anymore
Fathers day was not good at all I took him out to lunch and was irritated that the entiretime he was on the phone!
I told him look were having lunch who is calling that is that important... He blew up at me and well the kids were upset and I had to walk away from the table.
Least to say we went home after that.... I told him I had a picnic to go to to keep the kids and he just kept texting me about issues he is having with his car... and then I wasnt home when he went to get his car and he sent me a sarcastic text about me not being home....
He keeps trying to get me to engage and for a day or 2 there he pulled me back in!
I then did something against my better judgement and slept with him the morning of fathers day!
It was ackward and not good.... It really put me into a tailspin for a the day!
I went to my therapist yesterday and came home and he was there I said hi and went into my room just because I needed the time to relax. I was upset from my appointment... He then asked me what was wrong through the door... I told him i had just come from my therapist to give me a couple of minutes...
He then goes well are you going to the gym cause you didnt go yesterday? I told him i was planning on it but that I needed a hug and he refused so i said ok... I got dressed and left...
He then sent me a text apologizing and asking If i told my therapist that we slept together.... I didnt answer since i was in the gym and he then sent me a text an hr later angry that i havent answered back....
He has texted me only 3 times today.... but I feel like we took 3 steps back this week!
He is soo not going to come back..... I feel like I may not be able to do this indefinitely.....
***************
Me BS 34
WH 36
D-Day 5/1/10
Entering plan A 6/1/10
3 Kids
No longer an army of 1
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Not sure how I feel about him right now! Very confused!
***************
Me BS 34
WH 36
D-Day 5/1/10
Entering plan A 6/1/10
3 Kids
No longer an army of 1
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Thank you for posting lisa...we were worried....Your are doin okay...just remember, dont think too much about his end right now, just take care of your end, The Plan Aing...Hes the one having the AOs now, it seems, not you...Thats okay, you cannot control him...remember?
I remember sex in plan a, it can be awkward....listen...You may feel like you took three steps back, but I dont feel as if you did, its just how you feel...dont get down on yourself, you are starting to downslide, you are doing fine...keep upbeat no matter what his response is, okay? You can only control yourself.....
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Oh and please dont forget....Him telling you about the weight thing and that the affair was your fault. You responded well..Thats his fogginess. It was NOT your fault...You just keep working on yourself, exercising and Plan Aing....YOu are doing fine.
Last edited by stillhere8126; 06/22/10 02:35 PM.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Your are doing great! Just remember that plan A is not forever! and that plan B is always right there to use when you are ready! Just don't stress yourself out if you make a couple mistakes, you are doing perfect!
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i think your last post indicates more of a transitional period for the two of you....
just keep plugging away at your Plan A and don't let him suck you into arguing or saying something you will regrets....
Don't worry about what his anger is all about, who knows what is actually happening at the other end with him and his feelings.
keep going to your therapist, you have to take care of you first and he just might be noticing that you can get along without him, maybe he doesn't like it.....
What ever his problem is dont' worry about it, tell him if he wants to talk about any of it you would be willing, tell him you enjoy your intimate time with him(even though it didn't go well) just being with him again was enjoyable for you.....
don't put any pressue on him, make him come to you.....
it's all very tough I know, but I think you are doing an amazing job....it's a long term plan, keep that in mind.......
do something nice for yourself today, you deserve it...
Last edited by jessitaylor; 06/23/10 07:36 AM.
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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Im just frustrated and kind of down..... I am questioning if this is what I should even want?
Everyone keeps telling me im dumb!
***************
Me BS 34
WH 36
D-Day 5/1/10
Entering plan A 6/1/10
3 Kids
No longer an army of 1
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You are not dumb, lisa.....Do not listen to everyone else, this is your life...here is the question you should be asking yourself....Do you want to save your M? Unless the answer is a resounding NO, then you are doing the right thing.....
How is your Plan A going? Whats going on?
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Lisa, it SOUNDS like you are getting to the end of Plan A...when your LB$ starts to drain. You want to preserve the love you have left for your WH. How long have you been doing Plan A? It is only supposed to last 3-4 weeks according to Dr H...
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Lisa, stop listening to people outside of your M supporters. Most everyone who has not walked this road will tell you to dump him. It sounds to me like you are almost ready for plan B. Tell us how your plan A has been going.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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