My husband filed for divorce last month due to 15 years of arguing (and probably other things, too). He also filed in 2007 but I talked him out of it. I have been a good wife, but he was abusive early in the marriage, and I had a hard time getting over that. At first I was a doormat, then I became tougher, eventually even mean back to him when he was mean to me. Of course I regret it all, especially since I am a Christian. I was not patient enough with God. I feel total remorse. I just read "The Surrendered Wife" and realize other things I did that drove him away. Now I know I can change my attitude and actions but I need to convince him of that. We are friendly, but he is out of the country on business for 30 days at a time, then home for a week, and I don't have much time with him. I try to keep my e-mails short. Any suggestions and prayers are much appreciated!

The laws vary greatly depending on your location. There may be a legal way to stall or stop your divorce. Before I took that route, I would discuss this with your husband. This section of the website is much slower than MarriageBuilder101. You will get a lot more help over there. To move your thread over there, click on the "notify" link and request the mods to move your thread.

In the meantime, a good place to start would be to familiarize yourself with the Basic Concepts - especially the Lovebuster section. Good luck!

So did you address any of his complaints, or just talk him out of something he wanted?
You do realize that if you say A, but B, that B negates A. So if you are telling your husband and those around you that you were a good wife, I suggest stopping that. He doesn't believe it, even if you do. After all, who divorces someone who they think is a good wife.
To me, and likely to him, what you are saying is, "I was abusive, but that's OK because it was in response to his abuse."

You may not think you are saying this, but you are. He was abusive, you were abusive, and that's what he's leaving. He's not leaving a "Good wife."

Yes, I suggest you own it. No excuses. Tell him there was no excuse for your behavior. Since you claim faith, check out David's Lament, Psalms 51 where he confesses his sin with Bathsheba.

You can't just talk him out of the divorce he wants. You have to offer him real hope that the marriage can be better. Not words, because words are cheap, but action. Admittedly, that's going to be tough given you spend so much time apart. But that's what you have to do, the MB plan, eliminate LBs on your part, meet your H's ENs and hope he chooses marriage, not continuing the divorce.

You can also speak with your attorney to slow the process as much as possible so you can execute the MB plan.

That's about it.

Own it,
fix your side of the street,
delay the divorce so you can implement the plan.

It's about the action, not the words.

Excellent advice, even though tough! Yes, you could say I abused him in response to his abuse, and that's NOT a good wife. I have addressed his complaints, but his ears are closed. He knows it's also his fault. I do NOT have an attorney and don't plan to get one. Hubby said we can do mediation which is peaceful. But you are right - ACTION, not words. Thanks for taking the time to write what you did, and I'm headed to Psalm 51 right now!