This site looked familiar and sadly enough, when I tried to set up - discovered that I had indeed been here before. In 2002 I was here with an internet affair and a H who was sure he was not in love with me again. God graciously restored my relationship and the last 7 years have been great. But I am here again - with a real person to contend with instead of the internet. He has a relationship with a coworker - half his age - and has moved out. My kids - all older than this girl are angry beyond words. I am just numb and not sure what to do. I love him still and still believe in the sanctity of the covenant I made at marriage, but am so tired. Any thoughts for me to grasp onto?

Sorry you are here. I too had a WH who had an affair with a very young woman. She was 24 and I had been married 25 years. I told her on the phone once...I have been married longer than you have been alive.

Have you read the site? Plan A, Plan B.....so much to learn. Read a lot and then come back and ask questions.

Sadly, your bad dream is but a slight variation on a theme of many.

It is good that you refound the site and, now, may it give you wisdom of the beast and a plan to follow to move in a positive direction.

And....let me add one cyber sister hug.

(((hug))

I know that you are not exactly new here but there is a thread that can help you around this site.



I know that you say that you were here before. Did you use MB that time around? It seems like there weren't any EPs in place to ensure this didn't happen again. You can devise a plan and get this back on track.

Sorry you are here, again, but glad you found this place, again. Welcome back.

I have spent some time reading and praying. I guess I have made some mistakes so far, but no sense in beating myself up about something more. My H will be here in a couple of hours to get some more of his stuff and say "goodbye" as he goes back out on the road driving. He seems to think it will give him an opportunity to get his head clear. I am trying not to freak. He is, of course planning on keeping in touch with both of us because she is studying to go out driving with him eventually. He had 8 nights left before he left and apparently spent the 1st 4 with her - told me he was with staying with a guy from work, but I didn't believe him. He came back 1 night and the next morning she had posted something about being ready when he was for her to go out on the truck with him after his orientation and I confronted him. He admitted he lied and had been with her for the last 4 nights. Said he doesn't know why he lied. I felt dirty that he crawled in our bed with me after he had been in hers. Not that we did anything. He treats me like I am his sister. I told him I wasn't interested in "sharing" him and he could finish his days out at her house. I didn't say it in anger - in fact, I think I was pretty calm, but very sad. He has spent all days here working in the yard and making me lists of "how to" instructions, but the nights with her. It is killing me. This man has always been very loving, affectionate. Did I kill my opportunity to make any further "love deposits" before he leaves???? I just couldn't bear to feel like I was sharing him voluntarily. How do I say goodbye and still let him know how much I love him and want him in my life?? Or do I?

Have you sought any legal advice?

I sure wouldn't let some 20-something year old "girl" come in and take everything that I've worked for...or been vested in.

For some reason it is hard for me to imagine why a 20 something would want a relationship with a 50 something...unless its for material gain.

committed

I am so sorry you find yourself in this position.

You really cannot plan A him like you might want to, because he will be on the road, I guess.

Talk to an attorney and find out what your rights are.
Secure the family finances.

If you can, cancel credit cards.
Close out current bank account, or if you have to sign jointly to do that, remove over half of the $$$ to a new account.

Call HER PARENTS and expose the adultery to them.
Ask for their help ( if they seem like decent people) and ask they influence their daughter that she is headed down the wrong path with a married man.

is there any way to stop the trucking company from putting her in the truck with him? He hopes to finish his orientation and get his trainer certificate back and then train her as a driver himself. As long as we are legally married and I object to this arrangement - do I have any rights here - does anyone know?

Only one way to find out.

CALL THE TRUCKING company.

"Hello. My name is Mrs X. My husband, (name) is one of your drivers. I am saddened to inform you that he is currently having an adulterous affair with (name).
I do not know if it goes against COMPANY REGULATIONS.
I am trying to save our marriage.
I am requesting WH not be allowed to have his adultery partner ride along."

kd, I am sorry you are here. I went back and looked at one of your old posts and this was at the top.

I was wondering: how many flings has he had total?

And: Is he still sober?

Hang in there!

yes, drinking and drugs are a thing of the past - he went to treatment when I was pregnant with our second child - who is now 26. As for affairs-this is the 5th that I know of. He had 3 the first 5 years of our marriage - There was a break of about 19 years and in 2002 he had the internet thing - break of another 7+ years - this one. This is the big dog though. The 1st 3 were brief flings. The internet thing was lengthy, but he never did meet her - this is the real deal. So different, yet the same. This is like another person completely and my head is spinning. He has always believed in honesty - painfully at times. He has been strong for the Lord, but it is like he has completely disappeared and someone else has taken his place. No sense in talking to her parents because H mentioned he was going to a BBQ to "meet her mom" last week and he met her dad this weekend during the 4th celebration. Apparently they are okay with the whole idea of their married 23 year old daughter in a relationship with a married 53 year old man. He still wears his wedding ring, so its not like he hides it.

I would definitely call!!

There are some VERY odd parents in this world. Although it's possible that this situation is being spun to them as him being simply her driving partner, and Mom and Dad feel that she's safer because she won't be on the road alone, he's much older than she is, and they're both married. Don't assume anything coming out of your husband's mouth is the truth!

tl

he has been living with her at her apartment for the last week. I think it would be hard to talk around that one. No - I believe that they are aware. Whether he has spun the idea that we are on divorce alley, is another thought. But it still doesn't get over the 30 year age difference. My kids are just sick about this. I am - I don't know what I am. I am empty is about as close as I can come.

okay, I have been reading and reading and reading - about exposure, etc. He left today for the new job. I think exposure is a great idea and will probably throw a wrench into her getting into his truck, but isn't timing important too. If I call the company now, there are a lot of things that could hurt me too including them deciding not to hire him at all. If I wait a couple weeks and they have time and money invested in him they may just decide to deny him training privileges. Also - cell phone. The phone bill is in my name - I could cancel his phone which would make it unsafe for him out on the road, or I could block her number. Would that block incoming and outgoing calls? Either way - he is going to be pretty mad, I'm betting.

Have YOU told her parents YOURSELF?

Exposure is your best bet of saving this marriage, if you don't expose then their will be no recovery, and he will leave and end up spending all his money on his new wife...so what if he doesn't get the job! Are you really betting it on your marriage? I said screw the JOB and HELP your marriage!

Call the company.
Your marriage can survive his anger.
Kill the affair.

Check to see if you can find OW on FaceBook.

Once you are certain you've found her, you can do a FB exposure.

she was on facebook, but she blocked me when the lid blew. She was still posting info and I could view it through my husbands account, but then he changed his password and removed her as a contact. I have 1 friend who she has on her friend list who is watching postings for me - she actually only has about 8 friends on FB total. So I doubt if exposure there would be of benefit. As for her parents - I have actually never met this girl in person. My H has kept us apart pretty well. So, no I have no clue who her parents are - they are divorced so they live in separate places. I do know that.