Hi Ladies,

Hope all is well....

Now that the documents have been filed my H and I were curious what we could expect going foward. My H hired an attorney and he will proceed with responding to the petition for CS. I know that my H will have to give up documents. He has agreed to NC.

Has anyone gone to mediation before going to a final hearing?

Did both parties have to attend mediation in person?

Has anyone ever come up with an agreement and filed it with the courts?
Although my H wants no contact I believe OW wants him to be involved and will force the issue? For those of you with NC did the judge ask you if you wanted contact and did OW object? I believe mediation is an option in this state but my H is afraid OW will not agree and make things very difficult which will force us to go to court. We are both afraid the judge will order a parenting plan.....

We will also be working on getting our financial house in order to protect interest in the future.....

The OW was not going to take less than the most that she could get from my FWH. She never provided documents o n time, even on the final day. There was one day of mediation and they refused to let me in the room (just the two of them and the social worker) OW tried to give my FWH pictures of the OC's first meeting with Santa, he shoved them back across the table.
No one can force a parent to have C with a child. If you choose NC then even if she sets up a parenting plan you don't have to follow it. Our attorney made it clear in court that H was giving up parental rights and sucking up financial court ordered responsibility.
I was at every court hearing. It kept her from even making an attempt to speak to FWH.

Fled

Why did you go o so many court hearings and mediations?

Thanks for the information. I will continue to press on and see what happens. It is SOOOOO VERY HARD!


Fled - For you it has been about 5-6 years since D-DAY. Do you find that things have improved? Is your H happy with his decision and are you happy with your marriage?

Bethesda,

It took one visit with the child support social worker and then two more hearings to determine the CS. She never got a job when she found out she was pregnant. Then her H D'ed her, still no job. OC was over a year old, still no job. The second court hearing she showed a hand written piece of paper saying she had been hired to do temp work 8 hours a day forty hours a week for 8 an hour. Then they calculated the CS and day care costs (which she needed for the job that she didn't have). The courts accepted it all and patted her on the head for finding a job. FWH also had to sit in a discovery deposition for 3 hours clarifying his assets and income while all of my information was black sharpie'ed out of the tax returns.
I went to all of the hearings. I made sure the tramp knew that she wasn't getting anything from me or my COM that I could do anything about. She didn't want my H, she wanted his sperm and got it, an she wanted someone else to support her and her OC, and the courts gladly gave it to her. (so they don't have to take care of her and her OC)

We are five years out. It is a process. You don't truly recognize it until you look back and see how well you are doing compared to before. You have had a recent slam back. It shows you how important absolute transparency is. How hard regaining that trust is. You will never not raise the question at something not quite right again.We are good. Are issues now are those of being M'ed, financial difficulties (moments) always bring the A and CS to mind (she manipulated and is stealing from my family, yes my H made a mistake and is paying for it, but she planned all of this).

The OC was born near Xmas. I took my COM to see Polar Express and X-mas shopping for my FWH. While we were busy doing that, he drove the 200 miles round trip to be at the hospital while she had the OC. Christmas, as well as dday, became very painful times for me. This past Christmas, it did not intrude. It was the best Christmas I have had in 5 years. Easter also was good for me this year. Dday was the day after Good Friday, day before Easter. Year four was better, but this past year the nausea the looming depression did not hit me.

We all deal with this in our own way. Your H does not have to ever have C. But, the OC may show up one day seeking information for themselves, not understanding the truth about their creation, and how extremely painful their existence is to the BS, the M, the COM, and even the FWH. The OW can never be trusted to not stir the pot whenever they feel like it. Fortunately, ours only does it when the medical bills exceed her primary obligation, then she definitely wants her money. She doesn't want my H, she isn't interested in my H being a father to her OC. She wanted her OC for herself, and she got that and someone else to support them both.

My H and I are very happy. We just spent an amazing week together in the Teton's with no COM present. It was incredible. For him to see me healing and us moving forward is the greatest treasure for him. He had to talk to the attorney's office the other day because his attorney changed firms. The person thought it was CS from a d case. She finally understood that my H didn't even know this woman and doesn't ever want C with her or her OC. He has no issues with this decision.

Fled

Your words are very encouraging! I hope and pray my H and I can really move on and focus on our marriage. I want to get back to a place of TRUSTING him but I know that will take a VERY LONG time. It is in the hands of the ATTY and my H will have to pay whatever will be do. My case is similar to yours. The OW is NOT working and never had any plans on returning to work after she had OC. It has been two years. She was looking for a TICKET and she found my H and my H was unable to control sexual temptation and that is why he is in this situation. She does not care about my H. She wants $$$. Thanks for your information. I will keep you posted on our progress. I pray that I am where you are 5-10 years from now and enjoying my COM and H.

No one can force visitation with oc if you and your h want nc.

i am not sure of teh laws from your state but you may be able to attend the mediation with your h. here in calif i was not allowed in when my w went in for mediation with om.

whichever way it goes your h can come to a cs agreement with ow in mediation and the courts can write into an order. that may save you some attorneys fees.

Thanks Pops!

Based on what my H and I discussed he should be able to come to an agreement and have the courts write into an order. Thanks for your comments.

I am amazed that the courts want to know all about the father's assets in the case of an OC. In our state, all the court wanted to know about my ex-SiL was how much he earned and where he worked.

He doesn't have any assets to speak of, but I guess that if he was living in an expensive home on what he makes, the court would want to know how he was able to afford it. Is that why the courts want to know about the assets?

Now, if my ex-SiL's wife was a rich woman and they had a lot of assets, it still wouldn't matter to the courts, because what SHE earns/has has no bearing on the amount of child support that he is required to pay.

In Florida both parties are required to submit a financial affidavit stating earnings, expenses, debts, home information, etc. However, they use the earnings only to calculate. I guess they want to you to tell whether you have other income outside of things on the W-2?? Not sure. My H had to provide bank statements, life insurance statements, 401K statements, etc. It is an absolute SHAME because OW sits on her bottom! She is looking for a meal ticket and she found him!