"She also refuses to even look into the option of refinancing her vehicle so that my name can be taken off the loan. Is this something that would have to be resolved in a divorce?"

Yes.

Thank you for the reply, I appreciate it.

I know I should just file and get it over with. She isn't going to come back or work on the marriage. I know this, but yet I'm still scared to file for divorce. Has anyone had this feeling before too? I could use some advice to help me along the way please.

I feel so lost and confused.

Fix you!

Either get to do a solid Plan B (get an IM) or Plan D.
Thinking about her will not get you better.

Too late for Plan A. Take you time and pick a Plan. Get down on your knees before you decide.

What are you afraid of? You have no kids. Kick her to the curb, thank God she's out of your life, and love yourself enough to know you deserve better than to have a cheater for a wife.

Have any of you filed for D online and is it complicated or not too bad? I think that is the route I'm going to go because we have no children or house/property. Just wondering if anyone has taken that route before and what their experiences were. Thanks -- HB.

"She also refuses to even look into the option of refinancing her vehicle so that my name can be taken off the loan. Is this something that would have to be resolved in a divorce?"

You need a lawyer. Only a fool has himself as a client.

Really the only things we haven't separated officially yet are - her vehicle (with which I am the primary and she is the cosigner) and a credit card with about $1000 left until payoff (She is the primary and I am the cosigner).

I want her to be the sole proprietor of the debt on the vehicle loan, while I will take the credit card payment.

This can be taken care of online without any lawyers, right?

No. When Banks want loans cosigned they need a guarantee that it will be paid. You saying I don't want to guarantee the loan any more because my WW doesn't want to play house any more is not going to make the Bank feel bad and let you off the hook.

YOU NEED A LAWYER.

What would cost you more WW defaulting on the loan or the cost of a lawyer?

I just lost my job, so I don't have money for either.

Don't worry when things get at their darkest, it always gets darker.

Things you can't control. Ignore them.

Look for things you can control and work them. No matter how small because who knows where the efforts will lead to.

Ugh! How can I separate what I know in my brain from what I feel in my heart. My brain tells me that I've let this go on too long and it needs to be ended. My heart tells me to keep trying. That we can make it work, but I'm sure we can't.

We can't come to any agreements (except that we both still love each other) and she is unwilling to make any compromises. She said that I didn't for 5 years, so why should she now? I've tried to make compromises but if I give her an inch, she wants to take a mile.

I know to the outside person, the decision should be very simple. But for me it is still so difficult. I'm so sad that this had to happen.

I just want to have a separation of the credit card and the vehicle loan before I actually filed. If there is any way of doing that, it would make things so much easier. I just want to divorce her and make this nightmare start to be over with. What do I do, just file anyway?

There have to be people out there on these forums that can help me. Maybe someone has been through a similar situation and can help me?

HB, so sorry you are going through this. But with no children and as young as you are, you have a golden chance to just be free of her and go on to make a happy life with a quality woman---instead of the cheater your WW is.

Your divorce will be simple. Go find an in expensive attorney and tell him you want divorced as quickly as possible. The court will order her to re-finance her car payment if you ask for that....especially if you are agreeing to take the cc debt. Has she been making the payments? How much longer is the loan and how much is the monthly payment? There is a man on here.....(Fred in VA) who was in a similar situation (in fact he just lost his job too!) His WW had a vehicle in his name and she wouldn't refinance it so he took possession of it. He did all of this through his attorney....

Your first steps a consult with an attorney. You need to do this so that you can move on with your life. It will be freeing to you I promise.

HB,

Go to www.daveramsey.com for this type of info.

Thanks friends for your help. WW called this morning and was very rude. Now she is talking divorce, which she hasn't done. Just last week she said no way she wanted to divorce. That's fine, I believe that is where this is headed anyway. I'm learning to accept that.

She said she is going to trade her vehicle in and that should take my name off of the loan. I hope this is correct? She said they are going to send me some papers to sign.

She has changed her attitude and I think the gloves are coming off now.

Sorry you are going through this, but, you have no children you are young. You don't need this woman in your life.

Move on, divorce her now! This time next year you'll be happier than ever

Maybe this thread should be moved to the Divorced/Divorcing section. I do not want her back and i am preparing for divorce now. I tried my best to make it work, but she is not interested in being married to me anymore.

Dear Heart, you can let this be a learning experience and an opportunity for growth. First off you have found a community that teaches skills that make marriages stronger. If you stick around, those skills will become a part of your personality, and they will help improve what I heard Pep once say, your wife picker.

You can go over the length of you marriage and look for areas that you could have been a better husband. Introspection is great for discarding baggage, and the way your marriage ended won't be as important as type of marriage you had if you do this.

This way you can be wiser about the ways of affairs, but you won't go into your next marriage with the adultery chip on your shoulder. Good luck to you.

Thank you Hammer. My wife sent me a message today and she believes that we're headed for divorce. Even though it was so tough, I messaged her back and told her that yes, I can't have her back and we need to prepare for divorce. I asked her to please work with me to make everything go as smoothly as possible and try to keep our communication as friendly as possible.

I guess we'll see what happens from here. I just know that even though I still love her deep down, she has done too much damage to our marriage and I deserve to be treated better.