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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
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Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Hey Mel. I just wanted to say how refreshing it was to read your story on the stand you took with your kid years ago, when you nailed his window shut and took his keys. Sounds like something I would do, cuz I'm so strict (AKA an active parent). I know this is tough, but it's good to see you still parenting your son, showing him right from wrong, even in the face of a family that has blurred those lines for your DS.
I hope you are doing well, despite all of the pain you have been experiencing lately. I hope your son comes around. I like the idea that you make a special day with the bride and groom if you choose not to attend the wedding.
Me-BS-38 Married 1997; son, 8yo Divorced April 2009
OMG! I am still wiping tears from my eyes after watching this - It's called "Houston We Have a Solution" - HA! - Warning, there are some naughty words in it...
Mel, I just read this thread. It took me a LONG time to get through all the posts. You really have a lot of support here. I can not imagine what you are going through right now. In 1985 my sister got married. We didn't know at the time that the father of the groom was having an affair. She was at the wedding! I think the mother of the groom had her suspicions but had her head in the sand. After the wedding he gave his wife the classic fog speak and left her for the OW. They were together for many years. BIL and his sister cut their dad out of their lives. He missed his daughter's wedding and the birth of 2 of his grandkids. The kids (and the rest of the family including WH's family) stuck by their mother 100%. Although it took YEARS WH finally left his affairage. He slowly started reconnecting with his family and his kids. His aunt passed away and he and his BXW reconnected at the funeral. He was very remorseful and apologized to her and the family. They started dating and got remarried. (No one saw that one coming!)They were married for about 10 years and he just passed away a few months ago. Here's another one for you..... The spouses of my DH's brother and sister had an affair that lasted for years. There were little kids involved. Again none of the families involved condoned that relationship. I met DH after the affair started. I couldn't wrap my head around it. The kicker is although the affair ended well over 10 years ago the boys of my BIL don't want their own mother at their weddings. The fact that everyone seems "ok" with your XWH affair just floors me. I would think YOU would come first over his dad. I can understand you both being at the wedding but not the HO. BTW, what does your DH think about all this?
Last edited by suamico; 07/14/1001:23 PM. Reason: I put mother of the bride instead of groom.
W (me) 44 H 43 Married 19 years DS 17 DS 15 DD 13 DD 8
Melody, I've been reading your thread with a great deal of sadness and trying to figure out what to say. I feel badly for everyone involved - you, your son, your future DIL - everyone except your ex-H and OW who are continuing to exhibit a serious lack of class and a surplus of cruelty.
Is there really no way that you, your H and your extended family can go to the wedding? They will be all be there to support you. It's clear that your son wants you there at his wedding - remember that the young lack the perspective and wisdom that comes with age, and he probably just feels caught between his parents. When he is older he will be able to understand much better what you are going through. When he is a parent - that's when it will hit him.
The OW is nothing in the scheme of things, and certainly nothing compared to you. Consider that attending your son's wedding may be a way to banish a horrible trigger forever.
Finally, have you thought about asking Dr. H? He might be able to give you some guidance. In any event, I wish you the very best, whatever you decide will be right for you.
pk
Last edited by penaltykill; 07/14/1004:47 PM. Reason: grammar!
OMG! I am still wiping tears from my eyes after watching this - It's called "Houston We Have a Solution" - HA! - Warning, there are some naughty words in it...
Mrs. W
We're outta here!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Thank so much for the feedback, penaltykill and sumaco.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Hey Mel. I just wanted to say how refreshing it was to read your story on the stand you took with your kid years ago, when you nailed his window shut and took his keys.
Yes, I was the MEAN MOM and OW was the caring person who gave him a refuge from the meaness. Its amazing how much the language of sicko fogbabble has influenced his thinking. I can only hope and pray that he wakes up and rethinks that position now that he is an adult.
Thanks for your thoughts, SL.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
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Again none of the families involved condoned that relationship. I met DH after the affair started. I couldn't wrap my head around it. The kicker is although the affair ended well over 10 years ago the boys of my BIL don't want their own mother at their weddings. The fact that everyone seems "ok" with your XWH affair just floors me. I would think YOU would come first over his dad. I can understand you both being at the wedding but not the HO.