Well, just heard from WH that he plans to start his D paperwork this week. I then asked if he planned to serve me or have the sherrif do it, he said he would. I said okay. Knowing full well that I have to sign before anything can go forward that I have recieved my copy. So I said, okay, let me know then. Then I saved every text from this morning.

I also called my attny and let him know this development. He said that WH must serve me within 6 months and has to have my signature before anything can go forward....well WH had told me he didn't know if I had to sign or not so it didn't really matter....well, attny says it does. LOL. WH has a lot to learn here. I'm going to sit back and wait to see what is next. BUT I am still in Plan A and working myself up to be strong enough so if/when Plan B comes around, I can do it!

I am still very dissappointed in my DD, but he is her dad too. I just can't seem to win here. Some days I wish I could just run away and never have to face any of it again. Sigh. But that's another story and another entry I'm afraid. But, at least I know what his thought process is right now, this time it was pretty clear. So I'll see what happens I guess.

My attny is prepared. We will have the first set dismissed cause we are pretty sure of one mistake that WH will make. Then WH will have to pay a second filing fee and get the things corrected. Then we can go back and have it dismissed if he does not address alimony at all (which is a legally allowed thing so it must be addressed according to attny). That would make him pay another filing fee. Then we can answer the next one...with our demands for alimony, life insurance on alimony balance, and other things that I have specified and attny suggested. Then WH has to answer that one....anyhow, this could drag out for several years according to attny if WH doesn't agree to things...and my bankroll is a little more than WH LOL. My family is helping me to do this. They think he is WAY wrong here. So we'll see how OW reacts when I start causing all kinds of problems along the way here. That will put a kink in their A!! I know it will. Cause if he were to just give in and give me what I want, it would cost him around 1250 per month just to me and my demands...that would put a hurt to what he can and cannot do, so he'll have to fight, but won't have the money and will have to save up all the time, so the timeframe here is getting longer and longer.

Attny thinks probably 3 - 5 years of this. We'll see how that goes for OW and WH! I'm getting a little more strict with things such as what I want to maintain for my life and what I want from this if it does end up in D. I am taking care of ME. So I have not given up on Plan A. I have not moved into plan B yet, but I AM making sure I will be taken care of in the long run.

Anyway, anyone have thoughts??

What state are you in? Are you sure you heard the attorney right about dismissing for not including statutory language? In Texas, all he would need to do is amend his original pleading. I like your state better... talk about expensive and dragging things out!!! Sheesh!

Definitely fight for your protection but do it behind the scenes through your lawyer all the while maintaining Plan A. If WH rages or complains you can say, "I dunno honey, I just let the lawyer do whatever he thinks is necessary, I really don't have a clue. Wanna watch some TV?

Okie doke. Will do that PM. I'm in Nebraska and the item that he will get wrong, because he always does, is our anniversary date. He ALWAYS puts down the original day we were married, however way back when I was young and dumb and D did happen. 6 months later we were remarried.....so LEGALLY the second date has to be used. He will 99% sure not get the right one on there, that is the only way we will be able to dismiss on that one account. LOL.

Um, had a mtg with the Ch 13 atty today and the executer of the estate for my mom. BAD NEWS! I just lost my house and inheritance in one mtg. I had to list my possible inheritance on the ch 13 and now, when the house sells, I have to make a lump sum payment to the ch 13 in addition to the regular monthly payments. This will cost me 22,000.00!! I called div atty right away after and told him, so he is adding half of that to the demands for D. Which will really tick off WH and OW, but I don't care! He knew going in that he would be paying half of whatever was required in the ch 13, so this is just making him do so....but it does bear to mind that he will now have to pay 101,000 over 10 years between everything just to get a D. Plus be required to have a life ins policy with me as sole beneficiary that he has to pay for and hmmmm, could be interesting. Would LOVE To be a fly on the wall for that conversation. LOL.

Anyhow, I don't have a clue where I will live or what to do, but I'm trying to figure it all out. Just wanted to update.

Today, I got information WH wanted from one of our finance cos and provided that to him, then texted when ch 13 was filed and told him it was on it's way and to have a nice day for Plan A actions. I have been in too much shock to do much else though. Gotta pull it together here and figure out what to do. PLUS I have to get the house ready to sell too. UGH!

So, my aunt and uncle came up today and changed the locks on my house. WH hasn't contacted me today at all, but I did send him the have a good day text that I ahve been doing all along.

SIGH. I'm lonely today now that they left and I guess I'm just gonna have to live with that for now.

Oh, and I know not to believe anything that WH says at this point, but it sure hurt when he told me that hima nd I will probably never be an item again. Sigh. Still working plan A. Getting myself geared up to do a plan B. Sad.....just sad.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to drop in. I'm sitting here contemplating what is coming up. I am STILL IN PLAN A! But WH says that he is filling out D paperwork, the kind from the internet. I have attny on retainer and we wil put as many kinks in this process as we can...attny and I have discussed this at length. Also, this will really make WH and OW very angry I'm sure. If that is the case, should I plan to move into Plan B earlier than I had wanted to? Or should I just move forward with plan A and stick to my own timeline that I had set....what do ya'all think on that?

I know it will be really hard regardless of what I do, but I KNOW this will REALLY put a damper on their A when I start to fight when they both think I'm gonna roll over and play dead. Well, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to stand for my M and fight! AND these are things that I would need int he long run anyway even if we end up in D. So, it's not like I would be doing it just for meanness. I just am fighting for what I need to survive and standing for my M at the same time.

Also, the two previous posts I put up didn't get any responses? Can soemone just take a minute to look and tell me if I'm doing okay there too please? I'm just really worried that I will blow this even though I am strictly following the plan A things!
Any advice???? Please?????

I know sometimes you feel like you are talking to yourself when no one is answering you. What I did/do when that happens is to read a thread of someone who has recovered. It takes my mind off of things to do with my own sitch.

Just keep doing what you are doing as far as Plan A and this INCLUDES all of the planning in case a D does happen in your sitch. We all hope that doesn't happen but it IS a possibility.

Well, things heated up greatly today. I was at my new job and got a very nasty text from WH. Thought what the heck, so I called him back. He proceeded to rant, rave and threaten every member of my family with draggin them through the mud.

He had come out to the house, found the changed locks and broke in. Of course, he said he waas only here to get a few more of his things, I said, I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you or I would not have used the new locks. He ranted and raved some more. Seems he found my journal...The one I had written EVERYTHING in from the lawyer's advice to family advice to my feelings even when I said several times I wish he had just killed me and made it easier on me. There were bad things in there about OW as well, plus ALL the things his mom and sister have told me throughout this ordeal. In other words, MAJOR love busters that I just had to say somewhere so I didn't go off on him, plus my planning for D in case it came to that.

Now he's not even wanting to be friends, and will not talk with me on the phone. He said I cannot contact him unless it is by text so that he can have a record of everything I say to him. ALSO he has threatened to use the journal to have me commited so he can have a quick easy D.

My two aunts and uncle came up again (50 miles) and they helped me to start packing some of his things up. My best friend is coming tomarrow (200 miles) to help with more. And then at some point we will get him to come get them so he has no reason to be out here anymore. I think I must go to plan B at this point, but I'm not positive that is the right thing either.

He has now said that OW is in his life, that she WILL attend all family things with him from now on or he will not attend which includes our children's weddings when they get married, and that WH and I MAY become friends again in 20 or 30 years.

Okay, so I know not to believe what a WH says, but in this case I am unsure what to do or how to act. I called my atty right away and told him what had happened and that WH took the journal and threatened my family and me. I called the cops and had a report taken and they have it on file that it waas him by his own admission, but they can't do anything until legal papers are signed and served on him.

Now he is texting me for "what will it take to get you to sign the papers" I said, please explain. He said then "pretty simple, what do you want from me" I said I thought he had said that he would no longer help me out at all, which he had said earlier in the day when ranting and raving. He said "if it's reasonable, maybe, I have to be able to move out of my mom's house". I asked for some time to think about the entire situation and evaluate what I was feeling and wanting and needing. He gave me til tomarrow. This was after my atty had left for the day, but I will have to call him tomarrow and see what to do from now on. BUT the atty does not want me talking to WH at all from now on, just texting so there is a record of it.

Please help me figure out what to do here. WH knows everything that I was going to go for and atty name and everything. He knows how miserable I am and how much I love him too cause that's in there. There's soooooo much stuff in my journal and I'm so scared of what's gonna happen now.

Please help me!

I am really sorry that this has happened to you. I don't know how to help you. I do think it would be good for you to get into Plan B. I don't know what to tell you about any of the other things. I am sorry.

Thanks Scotland for trying. I am sooooo upset. I can't believe he actually broke in and then stole the journal as well. And now, I'm pretty sure it's plan B and D for us at this point. He just changed his R status on FB to in a relationship and then he removed me from his friends list and made it so I can't see anything but his main page and friends list. SIGH! I am soooooo upset, soooooo hurt....I do NOT want a D! I love my WH!!!!

BTW. I changed my user name from Cami to wanttosurvive because I went through and changed all my usernames and passwords after this happened today. I didn't feel safe without doing so.

sorry, but I do want to survive

Okay, so do you have your Plan B all ready to go then? Do you have your letter? Your IM set up? Your finances? etc? You should get this all set up and get ready for your Plan B. Make sure that you will NO have to see him for any reason. You can do this.

Get it all ready and move into Plan B. Post your Plan B letter, removing all of the real names and places. You can get a little feedback and then you can move onto Plan B.

I need to write a Plan B letter. I haven't done so as of yet, because I had no intention of going to plan B at this point...and was taking my time, but I will get one written up.

Finances have always been seperate since day 2 he moved out cause he went and did it himself. So I didn't worry about that. Some friends and I are packing the remainder of his things this week and will arrange for him to pick up on Sunday or soon thereafter. That way I can have someone here with me Or for me when he comes. `

I am just devastated by this turn of events as we were doing so well. But I KNOW that I would have had to go to plan B at some point. It's just not my choice to do so now, but I don't feel that I will have much of a choice after he picks up his things.

He still wants me to give him the D. My atty doesn't want me to talk with him anymore at all. but it's so hard not to, I know I can't after I go to plan B. But I just know how hard it is too. I can do this, I have to do this for my own sanity, but I hurt still.

Anyway, I'll get something started in the next day or two so that I can post and get advice from everyone.

Thanks!

Just checking in with you. This stuff is scary.

Plan b will give your a good idea of what life will be without you.

It will protect any feelings you have for him while he is that wayward alien.

Protect yourself and your finances. Blessings.

Get that Plan B letter out.

So I just wanted to update here. I haven't gotten the plan B letter written yet. Not because I didn't want to get it done but here's my life right now:

Executer of my mom's estate has decided to sell the house I live in. Because of this, I have to get it gutted, and that means everything from old furniture into a dumpster that the executer got me to repainting the walls and shampooing carpets to taking a shovel to my basement cause it flooded and now there's mold down there. At the same time, I have to pack what WH wants and have him come get it and deal with electricians, workmen for the ac unit and workmen to fix my garage. All this according to the executer has to be done by thursday aug 5. Then he plans to list the house.

I am working full time 6 - 2 daily now

My biological mother, who is my sister in law, got very sick. She had been sick but took a bad turn. She is 800 miles away. Well, I am her second poa. So anyhow....she passed away this morning after us two poas decided on wednesday to take all medical treatment away and remove the vent keeping her alive.

Oh and my mom (the one that raised me) died in January of this year too. So that leaves me pretty much alone in the world now cause my kids are active in their own lives and don't really have time to help me out nor do they have money to help me out. So that I understand. my aunts are okay, but they are all older and of course can't help much with anything either. So I'm screwed here. And now I'm an orphan as well...that is a horrible feeling to me. To not have any parents left.
My WH has stepped up his efforts for D. I have had to deal with him and get mediator stuff going along with my atty.

My WH broke into my house on monday and stole my journal that has everything in it....including all plans that the atty and I had made to combat the D request. UGH.

My best friend quit talking to me and told me I had to learn to do everything for myself at this time. So I have no one to help me with moving the furniture and stuff that has to go out.

I have no place to take my stuff when I do move it and cannot afford to get a storage unit at this time.

I have no money for gas or deodorant, both of which I am out of because WH has now quit giving me the temporary support that he was until we get something in writing from mediator/atty. He is using it as blackmail to get me to sign faster. And my new job won't give me a paycheck until NEXT friday. So I'm screwed here.

My IC is on vacation until Aug 18 and so I can't even talk with him when I'm so overwhelmed right now that I can't see straight.

My two aunts that have been helping me greatly are at Linda's (bio mom's) house dealing with that stuff. So they can't even help me.

I'm crying.

I am thinking that the executor best get to work doing it then. Why would YOU be the person responsible for it? Executor should be HIRING someone to do it...taking that money out of the estate.

And...the deadline...being given to you??? If he wants to give you a deadline to be out of the house...fine. A deadline for you to get the house ready to sell...I don't think so.

committed

Well, the thing is this: it's from my mom (the one who raised me)'s estate. I have lived here rent free for quite some time now and so the executor feels that I have to do it all for him in exchange for the time that I have been here rent free. So I guess I really can't blame them, it's just that I can't really do it all myself either and it overwhelms me to think of it all then trying to do it is just horrible cause I don't even want to be here cause there's too many memories of WH and me here....it's a bad situation all around. But I'm physically not capable of it all either, so catch 22 here.

bump. for additional advice please. Just having a really hard time right now. But have been "dark" except for contact regarding atty appt that is coming up. I have not sent a plan b letter yet, have not written one yet, but have went dark. I need to stay at this point so that we can do division of assets and deal with atty/mediator appt stuff. There is no one to serve as IM for us at this point. I am working on that though. And I will get the plan b letter before the atty appt.

So after everything from the past week....here we go again! Last night WH called me. He was home (at his mom's) and alone. He said, hey I'm on (this one chat site) that we go to....I said "oh really, you wanna play then??" He said, "whatever trips your trigger" so we talked a few more minutes and I explained that I would love to but was already in bed, but he could come join me...yes, a little racy and definately not plan b, but I haven't sent a letter and officially moved to plan b yet. He said that he couldn't but that he had just wanted to talk with me. That was nice to hear, but it hurt too cause it took all of this in the past week for him to actually come out and say that again for the first time in a long time.

anyhow, I said if he wanted to make some time for me, I'd be here, but no phones. Both of us had to turn them off and only talk to each other for the duration of whatever time we spent together. He said he would try to arrange that.

So, he's still cake eating! UGH! But he's coming to me and he's saying things to me that he hasn't said in a long time...he just still insists on D as well....not sure what he's really thinking here, but he's a WH and I KNOW not to believe what he says anyhow.

So he wants to meet somewhere for dinner and talk about the "division of assets and our life to see what we can come up with" huh? So does he want to talk D or R or what? Not sure here, but he wants to go out to dinner and he knows that I will not tolerate him having a phone on during the time we are together......so how should I handle that? PLUS I can almost guarantee that he will end up back here with me for the night that night. After the talk we had last night (yes, it got a little more raunchy than what I put here) it's probably gonna happen...and that;s still plan A and is one of his unmet needs prior to me going into plan A....so oh gosh....what do I do now?

bump. sorry, please help me with some advice...I really need it in this situation.

The reason why he wants to meet is so he can see you, you and the OW are meeting his needs and when he doesn't get both of you he starts to cake eat so he can!

If you are still in plan A, then meet with him, are you asking us if you should sleep with him? Umm...I wouldn't, only because I wouldn't know if he had a STD or something from that OW. I would just tell him "I want to, I just don't feel comfortable right now with everything going on, sorry."

But that's how I feel, you can do what ever you feel like is right. As long as your in plan A see him as much as possible so he can see the change in you, and what he will be missing when the D is final.

Good luck