sending a and a your way!

Back atcha, Vitt! Hope you're doing well. We're good here.

Queenie, how long has it been since WH has been home and you have not had SF? There is something either seriously wrong with him or he is getting it somewhere else. This is not normal.

Didn't I read a few months back that you had a june deadline with this? Stick to the plan queenie or are you happy to live as room mates?

Happy Monday, Rightthere and Vittoria.... Sounds like you are doing well. I'm very grateful for that you two.

You are right My, the plan was June of next year. That' when my youngest graduates high school. It will have been two years we are back together and so that's still my plan.

I will not break up this family right before my son's senior year. That happened to my middle one and I won't be the cause of so much pain.

Only G-d knows what's really going on and for today I just have to keep my flashlight on him and call it good. It's how I got to this point and it's how I will survive if the time comes when I need to walk away.

I just pray you'll have the strength if/when it is time

Thank you so much for what you said on my thread QUeenie. You are a very special person to me and were a great support and encouragement for me in the bad old days.

Your an amazing, loving and caring woman. I understand the time frame, hope things have improved well before then

As long as I listen to G-d, I can do anything. He didn't bring me to this place to leave me.

I'm glad we got some time tonight to talk Lil. I sure miss you.

So quick update on life...

DD is doing better as a mommy. The baby, I need to pick a name for him, anyways he is doing great. Two months old today, went to drs, got shots, weighs 13.5 lbs and 23 inches long. He is eating, sleeping and not nearly as fussy.

MS has come home from Great Lakes Ill. He is stationed in Bremerton, was supposed to work in auxilary but got pulled to nuclear part. He isn't nearly as happy, but not my problem.

YS got back together with the darling young lady he dated earlier this year. I'm very happy for him. We go to get his driving written test tomorrow and schedule his drive. I hope he passes so we both can have some freedom. It's time for him to be able to drive alone.

H is working 10 hour days because two people got fired. He seems happy in his job which I know for a man is a good thing. He is attending multiple meetings during the week and we try to hit one or two together.

As for me. Well, I'm still working on my food. Last week was horrible and not sure why. I have learned that when it's the darkest, I am about to uncover and learn something. It hasn't happened yet, but I keep praying.

I'm singing in the choir again for high holidays services. Hubby and I are NOT spending enough time along an so tomorrow night we have set up a date night for just the two of us. I'm going to work on the emotional needs with him. He was receptive to that. We actually don't have much lovebusting going on in this house which is so different than before all the happened.

Oh, I am crafting again. I made a crossstich for my GS, I am pleased with the stiching, the quilted border, but my talents are certainly not in framing items. OH well. However, in the last two to three days, I have made a red, white and blue table runner for my family room and kitchen. I have finally pushed through that and am happily creating for my home. That I am please to say brings me so much joy and doesn't harm me in anyway.

woo hoo a healthy outlet for me. woo hoo

A big smile. How cool, thank you Mark,

Happy Friday, Shabbat Shalom

So an interesting situation came up the last few days and I just want to write about it. H and I have been putting other people first and things for a while now and made a date to go visit the car show on Saturday. He asked me a few weeks ago and keeps talking about it. Because of life, kids etc our UA has been WAY TOO LOW.

On Tuesday, I brought my YS down to DOL for the written test which he passed on his first try, but because he didn't bring his driving school certificate down he couldn't schedule the drive. Now mind, you driving to and from the DOL is about 45 minutes both way. So on Wednesday we get go down, he waits in line, I run an errand because he is so grouchy and not fun to be around because he's being inconvenienced of waiting and ends up scheduling the drive for Saturday at 1:15. I immediately realize this is going to cut into our date night and just accept it as a living amend to my son.

Wednesday night as we were getting into bed, H and I talk about the drive and the timing and in a very passioned manner says it's too bad for him and he'll just have to find another way to get to the drive. I guess H had asked OS to take him and he can't. Seeing how passioned about wanting to go and spend time together I just leave it alone and pray about it.

Honestly, it was so weird because one of the things he said to me when he left was that he was tired of putting others first and he wanted to put himself first. I.E be happy with crack ho.

So, not really understanding where he is coming from, I do ask my DD to take YS on the drive and she can. I figured out that I can drive YS and the car down to her place, leave them there. They go take the drive test and if YS passes, he can drive home, if not, she can bring him home or he can wait for us.

However, the issue of my H's attitude shocked me so on the way to our AA mtg last night I broached the subject and asked him to help me understand what he was feeling and where he was coming from. He explained that from his perspective, he planned this day with me and has been looking forward to it for a long time and wants time alone with me. He reminded me that YS had ample opportunities to go take the written and he was either too tired or made plans and it didn't fit into his schedule. He didn't feel it was our problem to have to rearrange our schedule to suit him because we generally are always doing that. He's right.

I'm not sure if I totally agree. I feel as part of my program that it's our responsibility to get him his license, however from a recovery perspective it really warms my heart that he is so insistent we go together and enjoy the day just the two of us. I will say that a car show isn't really something I enjoy, but I am doing this for him because it will make him happy. I would rather go quilt shopping etc. The reason he doens't want to wait until later is it's supposed to be hot and he doesn't want me to be uncomfortable.

So, for the first time in a very long time I am having to choose between what I think a parent should do and being a wife. UGH....

How have others dealt with these things in recovery?

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie!

Well, I think Dr. Harley would say to POJA the situation. It does not sound as if you are really enthusiastic about the choice of date location/activity. Are you also going to lunch/dinner - something that would increase your enthusiasm for the day?

I agree with your H about schedule for driving test. Plans had already been made and YS should not expect you to change them because YS did not have the correct paperwork or did not want to schedule some other time.

In our M, we are not walking the walk as well as we should be. We plan our UA time, but don't always get the hours. When that happens, both H and I really feel bad. We chart our time together and track it. It is amazing how the feelings follow the UA time.

AM

Queenie,

With a bit of a blessing from God, when your son is married and living his own life with his own wife and your grandchildren, you will still be a wife...

Motherhood is but for a season, but marriage is supposed to be until death.

Being a parent is the one job that has as its primary goal, the elimination of the job itself.

Go to the show. Have fun with your H. Your son will get his license whether on Saturday or some other day. It isn't your job as his mother to make your life revolve around his needs and desires. A D/L is not a need at his age. You asked your daughter, she agreed to help out and now you and your H are free to follow your plans.

Mark

Thanks Mark, I totally agree and plan to do just that.

Thanks Army for your comments. Is it what I would choose not necessarily, but I'm honestly just happy to spend time with him and since I haven't really every done something like this before I want to keep an open mind on how much fun I will have. You betcha I'll get a meal out of the deal.

I like that, it's the only job in the world that the primary goal is to eliminate it.

I miss your sermons, have I told you lately. I also read you are leaving for a few days. Where to? Have fun? Does it include wife and fishing?

Queenie,

I hope you have the best time, walking around, holding hands and looking/feeling like a couple in love.

AM

Queenie,

I'm going to our vacation property tonight and into either late tomorrow night or early Sunday morning. Alas, my wife can't accompany me, but I have lots of yard work to catch up on there. (I don't go there as often as I once did) and if I get the work done, I might get in a little fishing in before the sun goes down tomorrow.

I can't stay through Sunday since we are working on recruiting our next marriage class to begin in the fall and I need to be there to help answer questions people might begin asking. This time around it is more like the MB home study course. We will be using HNHN, Love Busters and the 5 Steps To Romantic Love workbook. If you drop me a line, I'll send you the link by email.

I am going to be preaching on August 22 and we'll be holding a preview session for our class. It will be the final push for getting people to sign up.

My topic is going to be "Marriage." Go figure...

It will be an expansion of the post "A perfect Marriage" that I already posted on my Musings thread, so you can get a head start if you'd like.

This time around I am going to be recorded digitally, so I hope to have mp3 file for those interested when it's all done.

Enjoy the car show, Queenie. Being together enjoying yourselves is what really matters most in all of this anyway.

Mark

I pray for a little fishing this time around.

I'll get you that line in a few and woujld love to download and listen when on mp3. I really wish I lived closer to take a class with you both.

You are right, just being together is what totally matters most. And in that sense, we are together almost every chance we get alone or not.

Have a safe journey my friend this weekend.

Hi Queenie!!! (JT waving from the north valley-enjoying the "typical" PNW summer weather)

I'm sending you an email....

Looking forward to Tuesday.

Me too JT, you have email back.

So here I am ready to go, weather is incredible and G-d just LOVES to remind me who in IN CONTROL. Oh yes, it isn't me.

All my planning to make the day perfect, be ready to go, out the door, YS covered for drive and WHO decides to sleep his first 12 hours straight. Yes, you got it Jaboman.

LOL, it goes against all my beliefs to wake a sleeping baby, but here goes.

Happy Saturday, may it be a great one for you all.

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie!

Shabbat Shalom, Mark!


The 40 days leading up to Rosh Hashanah begins tonight. Wow. I can't believe another year has almost past. I have a lot to look at, but I know that G-d is right there with me.

How was your trip?