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#2409908 07/25/10 05:16 PM
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Call it weak but I can't do this there is sooo much hurt right now, I bounce from total despair to rage!

I think I am going to admit myself again. I dont know what I am going to do in the state of mind I am in. I am seriously losing it right now.

I did not deserve this, I know none of us do but this just dumbfounds me.

I hate my exwife, but even when she was doing all the things she did I would never have treated her as bad as I am being treated now.

I think that is what hurts the most.

If I don't post after tomorrow I'm in the hospital, If I don't do that I don't really know what I'm going to do. I never hurt this much even with #2.

Jason



Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.

Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.

2 PA 1999 w/ IA.

1 EA 2002.

IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)

Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
unseen2 #2409912 07/25/10 05:28 PM
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I am so sorry to hear you are hurting so badly! I will say a prayer for you today.

My hope is that you heal & become whole again. None of us deserve this pain, the pain you are experiencing I pray is lifted from your heart!

Take care of yourself! You need to be strong for your son!!!


Me/BS 39
WS 34
Married 7 yrs/together 11
2 children:
DS 18
DD 3 1/2
D-Day 6/1/10
stillhope #2409920 07/25/10 05:38 PM
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You need to call someone now. Go to the hospital, at least you will be taken care of there.

Try and stay positive and ask yourself, why would I harm myself over a SLAPPER. In time you will recovery personally and realise that she's JUST NOT WORTH IT!

Prayers to you


Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
myfamilyilove #2409927 07/25/10 05:56 PM
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I hope you do get the help you need right now.

I know that this is absolutely one of the most painful things one human being can inflict on the other. I also know that it WILL get better. You will not always hurt this bad, but I know that doesn't make it hurt any less right now. Keep believing in yourself and know that you can and will feel ok again. God has a good plan for your life and He can help you through this!

Best wishes and please keep us posted.

unseen2 #2409929 07/25/10 06:02 PM
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unseen2 Offline OP
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Thanks to everyone who has responded. I am with a good friend. Another Vet so he understands some of what I am going through.

I know it will get better, I just can't see it now

Thanks
Jason


Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.

Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.

2 PA 1999 w/ IA.

1 EA 2002.

IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)

Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
unseen2 #2409935 07/25/10 06:27 PM
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I am so sorry this is happening to you. Please don't hesitate to have your friend take you to the nearest emergency room. Tell the docs what is happening and tell them why. They can give you a prescription for something to help with the pain and will still allow you to function.

And call 9-1-1 if your friend is not available. They will understand.

What happened? You said she "kicked you out?"


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Mulan #2409939 07/25/10 06:36 PM
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unseen2 Offline OP
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Thanks!!

The house is in her mom's name and she threatened to have me arrested if I did not leave.

Maybe this is for the better, I don't even know who she is right now.

I am going to stay here tonight, in the morning I will go to the VA so I can deal with the ppl I did the last time. Admission through the ER is not what I want to do.

As far as meds go I have been on a steady supply since I was discharged. I just took an extra dose. Still wigging out but way better`than I would be unmedicated.

Thanks,
Jason


Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.

Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.

2 PA 1999 w/ IA.

1 EA 2002.

IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)

Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
unseen2 #2409968 07/25/10 08:47 PM
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Hey, Jason, if you need some company sometime, I'm in Oklahoma City/Yukon area. I'd be more than happy to have coffee with you or whatever when you need someone to talk to.


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)

kilted_thrower #2410055 07/26/10 09:11 AM
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U2,

Go to the hospital. I did it. I was there for a week after my deployment. There are MANY very concerning issues with your posts. Among them is a separation from reality.

You have PTSD issues. You have an ex fianc� who doesn�t want you around her or her kids and she has every right to terminate your relationship and kick you out. You�re not married.

My friend, you need massive amounts of help and need to get yourself together for your son.

Your ex fianc� has every right to do what she�s doing. She�s not your wife. I wouldn�t let a verbally abusive or mentally unstable person around my kids, regardless of who they were. I don�t tolerate that behavior from my ex, who is their mom. I will certainly not tolerate it from someone not related to them.

Get a few things through your head. Regardless of what you tell yourself, THEY AREN�T YOUR KIDS! SHE IS NOT YOUR WIFE! SHE IS NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR!

You need help. You need to get in touch with reality, get help for PTSD, and get stable for your son.

unseen2 #2410072 07/26/10 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted by unseen2
I did not deserve this, I know none of us do but this just dumbfounds me.
No Jason, you don't deserve this.


Originally Posted by unseen2
I am going to stay here tonight, in the morning I will go to the VA so I can deal with the ppl I did the last time. Admission through the ER is not what I want to do.

As far as meds go I have been on a steady supply since I was discharged. I just took an extra dose. Still wigging out but way better`than I would be unmedicated.
Please go see someone TODAY. Also, please don't change your medication dosage. That could make your mental state even worse. Your Doctor will be able to find the right dosage for you.


W (me) 44
H 43
Married 19 years
DS 17
DS 15
DD 13
DD 8
suamico #2413306 08/03/10 09:45 PM
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Thanks to all I appreciate the input whether I want to hear it or not.

This makes for about three weeks I been in that hospital, it has helped alot. I still have alot of outpatient work to do, but I'm on the right track at least.

It has been 20 yrs since my first combat tour. I see now how the issues stemming from that and more recent deployments has really messed up my life. I wish I would have know then how it would affect me. I always thought I had delt with the issues well. On the surface I was calm, but inside was all the crap that I had been stuffing and trying to forget.

Unfortunatly it found its way out in some not so nice ways. I can't undo all that I have done, but I can do my best to make sure that it does not repeat itself

I want my life back, I want to be "at peace" for once in my life. I want to be a better partner and better father.

Anyway,

Thanks,
Jason


Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.

Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.

2 PA 1999 w/ IA.

1 EA 2002.

IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)

Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
unseen2 #2413407 08/04/10 08:42 AM
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Jason,

Keep up the good work. Get yourself the help you need. File for help with the VA and file a claim with them as well.

I hit rock bottom when I admitted myself into the hospital. That was the lowest point in my life. But I knew I needed help and the hospital was a life boat that helped me get back on track.

Best of luck to you. Get yourself better for yourself, but most importantly for your son.

unseen2 #2413414 08/04/10 08:53 AM
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Originally Posted by unseen2
It has been 20 yrs since my first combat tour. I see now how the issues stemming from that and more recent deployments has really messed up my life. I wish I would have know then how it would affect me. I always thought I had delt with the issues well. On the surface I was calm, but inside was all the crap that I had been stuffing and trying to forget.

Unfortunatly it found its way out in some not so nice ways. I can't undo all that I have done, but I can do my best to make sure that it does not repeat itself

I want my life back, I want to be "at peace" for once in my life. I want to be a better partner and better father.

Anyway,

Thanks,
Jason
(((((HUGS))))))
I am so glad you are doing better. You should be proud of yourself. You have started the journey of self radical O&H. I hope you see that. So many people push their emotions so deep down they really don't believe there is a problem. You are bringing it to the surface and dealing with it. You will be a much happier person in the future. Way to go Jason!


W (me) 44
H 43
Married 19 years
DS 17
DS 15
DD 13
DD 8
unseen2 #2413430 08/04/10 09:18 AM
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unseen2 Offline OP
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Thanks all!

I actually have started the claims process already. I would not be suprised if I am medically retired soon. I've been in since 1987, I ready to be done with it

Thanks,
Jason


Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.

Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.

2 PA 1999 w/ IA.

1 EA 2002.

IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)

Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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