You are going to have to tell OWH. He NEEDS to know. You need to get your evidence so you can expose. You will need to expose to all of the important people in your WHs life that will have some influence over him and help end this affair.

You should also get the book Surviving An Affair(SAA) and read it cover to cover.

No not personally though I may have met him at some point through the years. H told me that he's that type of person. Much older than her, she married very young, 17 or 18

Waywards LIE. Your husband is a wayward and you CAN NOT trust what he has said to you. There is a lof of history re-write. What do you think your WH has told her about YOU? What do you think OW has told OWH about YOU? You should NOT warn or threaten exposure and DO NOT tell your WH about this site. You will need the safety of this site to figure out what you need to do.

Of course your husband told you these things. He wants to discourage you from telling him that your husband is having an affair w/ his wife!

He doesn't want you to interfer w/ his affair!

Her husband needs to know. He can keep an eye on his wife while you can keep an eye on your husband. And you can then compare notes.

Call him and tell him.

Do NOT warn your WH that you are going to do this.

Just do it!

Also...do not tell your WH about this site! Be sure to delete your history when you come here.

I snoop (and have snooped since first finding out about it) all the time and after the latest discovery, haven't seen anything bad. Of course, I can't see through walls and watch what is going on at work. A work trip is coming up w/both attending and that has me spazzed out right now.

You need to call OWH. You need to tell him that it is critical that one of them quits their job so that no contact can be established.

Do you have his number?

But what if it's true about his violent nature? I'm not a very brave person like you all seem to be. And it's not just me that I'm thinking of, it's the rest of my family who are dependent on us. If I had only me to consider, I'd say either quit your job, fire her (she reports directly to him) or I'm out.

Can you install a keylogger on your computer? You could buy a GPS and VAR and place them in his car. You could hire a PI or have a friend follow them around. You could even have someone sit outside their workplace and watch them come and go. There are a lot of things that you can do that can help you figure out something. You NEED this for you to be able to KNOW what you are fighting against. Don't just say you can't. What you can't do is sit by and let your WH RUIN your marriage.

Does he own his own business? What type of workplace are we talking about here?

What are your finances going to look like when your WH leaves you for OW and divorces you? Have you ever been to a lawyer to find out?

If he were truly a violent person, like your WH has told you, does it make sense to you that your WH would then choose to mess around w/ a violent man's wife????

He's lying to you.

You can not continue to live this way. Your mental health is at great risk here.

You must expose this affair to OWH and then at his work if one of them does not quit.

Fiftysomething, guess what? My DH told me the exact same thing as your WH told you! He had me believing that OWH's was "connected" and that OW lived in fear of her life. It was all a lie! He was actually a decent man and decent father who had just had enough of his WW. She was afraid if he found out that she was out whoring around, that he would take custody of their daughters (which he eventually did).

Waywards lie all the time! You can't believe half of what they say. We've seen it a 1000 times around here. Seems like they could come up with a better story, but they don't.

If he is so violent, why did his WW supposedly tell him about their affair????

If he were so violent why would OW have an affair? If she were so frightened by him, having an affair would be the last thing she'd be open to.

THINK.

How much is your mental health worth to you?

Offer to go on the trip with your husband. I have taken Sapph on a buisness trip, and we really enjoyed it.

Planning this trip will be important to WH and OW if anything is happening, and it will be a great (sorry to use the word "great" here) opportunity to gather evidence. Check where he is shopping on his CC for preperations for this trip. Try to intercept emails. Look for a hidden email account, or an affair phone. Check phone logs to see who he is talking and texting in the evenings. These office affairs do not stay in the office.

He doesn't own the business, if exposed he'd be fired for sure. I've thought about going to a lawyer but everytime I've chickened out. I guess I just want to believe.

In answer to the other post about a keystroke logger, I don't think I can because he doesn't use the computer at home. It's his work email that I see on his phone and I know that he can clean up the email at work before coming home. I check call history and texts as well but again those can be easily deleted. He does have a laptop but doesn't use it often but I check behind him there anyway.

He comes home when he's supposed to and doesn't have any unexplained absenses that I can tell. He tells me he loves me all the time, seems genuinely repentant. I don't know if I'm just paranoid or just plain stupid but I do know it's driving me crazy.

Prior to the latest discovery, which was cute little remarks in work emails, some sent jokes and comments (things he categorizes as work friendly), he was very protective of phone, keeping it locked up in his car. Now he says he's being totally transparent and leaves it laying around all the time.

I know he'd not take me because he'd say it's not allowed to bring spouses. I'd love to go along.

You all have given me a lot to think about! Thank you!

fiftysomething,

Sorry you are here. Truly...

Go online and register his cell phone. You will need the phone for about 10 minutes because they send the temporary password to the cell so you can connect.

This is what I did with XH work phone and discovered his A with his direct report after 256 phone calls in one month.

As long as they work together and it is not exposed they will grow closer.

Your H can find another job but will you find another M.

I lost my M after 22 years and they are getting M in October. It has devasted my DDs. Listen to these vets that have recovered their M.

My procrastination really hurt any chances for recovery.

Blessings.

FiftyS,

Go to your preferences under the "mystuff" tab at the top and put the details in your sig line so us newbies will see them.

I hope you can find the truth here about whats up with your marriage. I can say with pretty good confidance that the longer he spends time at work with her, the "deeper" there relationship will become.
The trip together is a bad idea.

Look into a way to support yourself financially separate from him should be a priority so you aren't forced into the streets if/when it all comes to a head. Check into legal options allong with other possible financial aid.

I know it will be tough if you feel you will be possibly exposing the rest of your family to destitution if you pursue the stability of your marriage and your emotional stability. Please lay the groundwork so you can take care of yourself ASAP. This behavior by your husband IS unfair and your response emotionally IS normal.

Don't try to accept a bad situation, change it.

God Bless