Fred, I just wanted to let you know I was thinking and praying about you on my way to work this morning.

Did you buy a lottery ticket??

Thank you for the prayer, markos.

No, I haven't bought the lottery ticket, yet. But I will.

Believe it or not, I don't know how. I don't want to just go up to the counter and say, "I'll buy one of those," and point to some gaudy ticket. I want to buy a "special" ticket -- Powerball or something. Yet I have no idea how one picks one.

And I don't think I want to become too knowledgeable, because knowing my proclivity to excess, I could too easily become used to buying lottery tickets. And I know the statistics say one stands a better chance of being hit by lightning than winning the lottery!

A side word to inapickle: Thank you, too. Believe it or not, I am very upbeat about my future. Right now I have a lot of leg and back pain, so my words may not express my optimism as well as I'd like, but I've gone through tough times before and made it through. I can do it again, and will. You can, too.

Fred, sorry about the downturn in your physical condition; I know you'll prevail.

As for the lottery ticket, you are too funny. I hope you don't win though, because if you're like me, you'll spend twice as much as you won within a couple of months "chasing the ghost," lol.

Not withstanding the aching back and legs, have you experienced any sort of sense of relief or finality since the court date? Anything different, or were you already in a certain zone and the court was just a formality?

opt

Thanks, opt.

It's been my experience that one has to go through the dark of night before the light of dawn shines brightly. I'm just hoping it doesn't get any darker.

So, do I buy the lottery ticket, hoping that will be the turnaround, or will that just lead me deeper into the darkness? Oh, the choices...

As for feeling different since the divorce, I'd have to say "not really." I find it's a lot easier to say and write "ex-wife" than "soon-to-be-ex-wife," but either the reality of it hasn't hit yet, or I'm already there. My daughter told me that the court date was merely a formality to the life I've been living for the past six months.

Speaking of my daughter, it seems the ex-wife has "unfriended" her finally from Facebook. Interestingly enough, she has befriended her ex-boyfriend - the guy she tossed out just before we started dating. I guess she's "forgiven" his "disrespectful" behavior and "shabby treatment" of her.

More than likely, she's targeting her next victim ("Hoovering" is the term used by the psychs when talking about borderline behavior), since he's probably an easy mark and her affair with the married guy seems to be coming apart at the seams.

Oh well, better him than me, I guess.

Fred,

I'm a little behind getting to you.

1st, when I referenced you in my post I was am still are concerned about my how I am dealing with the emotions of my D, I really see what your going through as more healthy in the long run.

2nd, Your my idle !! getting thru the D as you have, I seem to treading water not making progress. You had a good plan and stuck to it.

3rd Sure hope your back cooperates and improves soon

Thanks, SC.

A couple of things I learned. They may be helpful to you and others.

1) It's a marathon, not a sprint. Or, put another way, "If you're going through Hell, keep going."

2) Feelings aren't facts. But they are feelings. Accept them. They don't last forever.

3) It WILL get better. The main hindrance to recovery is me.

4) No one has power over the way I feel unless I give it to them. And I can choose to not give anyone that power!

Dr. Paul O. wrote these famous words in his story, repeatedly published in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous:
Those words have provided healing to millions. I am among them. Maybe you can be, too.

Tomorrow would have been our wedding anniversary. Well, I guess it still is, except the divorce was final eleven days ago.

I remembered that I had our wedding album and a collage of pictures that were taken on that day. I had resisted tossing them out, but I think doing it tomorrow will have some symbolic meaning to it. A sense of closure, perhaps.

Originally, I had thought of burning the photos in some sort of ceremony, but now that seems to be an angry gesture. I'm not angry anymore. I hope some day she finds the happiness she's been trying to find her entire life. I don't think she will, but it's not going to be with me. So I think I'm just going to throw them into the trash and be done with them.

Now if only I can do that and resist the temptation to look at them...

My daughter is taking me out for Father's Day dinner tonight. I'll ask her if she thinks there are any pictures (of her, or me) that she thinks I ought to save. If not, I'll just do a wholesale "dump" and shut the lid on the trash and walk away.

Last night after a terrific dinner with my daughter, as we got in my car to head home, she asked me if she could play a song on my car's stereo that she had downloaded to her iPhone. I agreed, and she plugged it in.

The song began with the following lyrics, and a lump came to my throat

The remainder of the song was, shall I say, "less than solemn" and quite humorous, in fact.

I asked her about the song when it was over and she told me, "Here's the irony..." the name of the artist is the same as the name of WW's son. It's NOT a common name!

We both had a good laugh about it.

Today, the wedding album went (un-viewed) into the trash. And it has been taken away. No ceremony, but a sense of closure and finality.

As an aside, my daughter and I talked a lot last night, but not much about WW. At one point I told her I didn't want to talk anymore about her.

I think I'm getting better.

I know that song. That is not a "nice" song!

I continue to be amazed and gratified how things are working in my life. I do believe that God has a plan for me...

Today I received an email from my realtor neighbor. She informed me that friends of hers who live in a townhouse about a mile away have always liked my house, and she told them it might be coming on the market in a year or two. They have a family (two sons) and I have none.

The next is a bit strange...

My neighbor asked if I might be interested in a "house swap." I'm not real clear on the details, but as I understand it, her friends would buy my house and I would buy theirs. They would, of course, pay the difference between the value of my single family home and their townhouse (about $300K).

I rode my bike and took a look at the townhouse. The front reminds me a lot of the townhouse I owned before I bought this place for WW and her kids. Except mine was an end unit, with a lot of windows. My old townhouse also backed up to woods; this has a typical townhouse back yard which backs up to another TH back yard.

The TH is within walking distance of a large regional park (golf course, boat launch, water park, miniature golf) and thus is off main highway traffic.

Right now I'm not jumping at this, but it's interesting that a possible new home that costs about 1/3 what I'm paying for might be possible -- and just a mile away from where I currently reside. I have to give it some thought.

Does anyone know about house swaps? How do they work? What is the upside and what is the downside?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Fred,

I've got several thoughts.

I assume this is the house you and the Ex had together and I would think alot of memories would be in it so to move on would make since to me at some point. I have a neighbor that D and stayed in the house they had together and has since got a new wife and is raising their son there, so it doesn't bother everybody, I just think it would bother me.

As far as a house swap don't see a problem with it if your sure you would be ok with the townhouse, If you like the place I would want to get an appraisal of both places to make sure your getting the money you should.

I haven't done a house swap but I wouldn't think it would be a big deal. a title company handling the closing could sort out the money trail.

I see the up side for you being that you get to reduce your dept load at a time when it would be helpful for you til you sort out that new job, and getting a fresh start on your new life without having to look at the same walls.

Just to complicate my thoughts .....

You need to consider the possibility that the new job my force you to relocate .... no deal on the swap

The economy is showing some movement toward recovery and your house will appreciate but so will the townhouse you just have to figure out which one will appreciate more in the next year or so and consider that in your thought process

The house swap sounds very interesting.
I am certain a real estate agent could help you negotiate a deal.

I like the idea of a swap. Like SC said, it's a great way to dramatically reduce your debt load. May also help with moving forward from the D, getting out of the old family home.

Me, I don't think the house itself will be too much of a trigger. I want to stay there because it's my children's home and I want to be the one to provide that continuity in their lives.

I am looking forward to clearing out all the WW's clutter and keeping a clean, organized house the way I like it. This grand cleaning and moving her out (if it happens) will be quite symbolic and cleansing, I anticipate.

That Long Road to Love song really cracked me up. Just listened to it. Thanks Fred.

It's been over a month since I posted to my own thread. In fact, my visits to MB have dropped off significantly as I've been working to gain employment, address my back/leg problem and generally get my life on track again, since the June divorce.

This evening I was asked to lead a meeting I haven't attended before, and was even given a ride by the group's chairman, who happens to be a local neighbor.

We arrived early and I helped set up. I recognized a few of the people, but it turned into a fairly large meeting, with about 50 people in attendance. I was speaking to an old acquaintance when I heard my name and, glancing to the voice's direction, came eye to eye with OM. I simply turned back to my acquaintance and resumed talking.

After the meeting, I was outside speaking with another person I haven't seen in a while when OM walked past me, tapping me on the shoulder and uttering my name in the process. Again, I ignored him and continued talking.

It's amazing. The man acted as if we were old friends and nothing like sleeping with my wife had ever happened. I have always thought he was a little bereft of his senses, but this almost confirms it.

On the ride home, I told my host of OM's presence, and he told me that he also thought OM "was nuts" (his words).

So, I guess the justice (I don't think this is the Karma Bus) is that my personality disordered ex-wife left me for a psychopath.

No, she wasn't there. I believe their affair is stone cold dead.

OK, back I go to the shadows again for a while. I think I have a job interview coming...

Good Luck with Job interview

Nothing to add but great job on the OM encounter. Perfectly played.

Just wondering ... maybe he was attempting to make an amends. ? Maybe ?
Pretty awkward, if ya ask me.






<~~~ awesome smiley!

Well, the job interview won't happen until late September, at the earliest. So I'm still working to help this startup... get started.

Sorry, Pep, but I think if he were trying to make amends he would have appeared somewhat contrite. No, he was all smiles (and hitting on the women at the meeting). One of the symptoms of a psychopath is a complete lack of conscience.

God Bless you, friend.