Fred, I agree with shtoop. You did well not to get involved in anything the guy was trying to put on you. You let him know in a classy way that you were not interested. period.

Stangely, I had a similar encounter with OM#1 sometime in July. I gave him a look much like one might regard a piece of smelly garbage lying next to the road. I don't know what his intention was in trying to address me "hey, what's up..." but I made it clear I wouldn't be returning greetings of any kind, and he evidently got the point. It's been two months and I have not even seen him in the neighborhood since then.

Anyway, I bet you made your point also. He'll be hunting for someone he can have some sort of sick influence, and that clearly is not Fred in VA.

opt

FWIW Fred, you (and other MB non-drinker friends) continue to inspire my ongoing sobriety. 9 months.

Awesome, opt. I congratulate you!

He is, and he has, Pepperband. Sometimes I don't recognize it right away, but I'm beginning to see clearer.

Fred,

I know you loved your XW . I think you loved her dearly.

It is so difficult to love a person who can't get out of their own way.
As you well know.

The situation in my life today (well, ONE of the situations) is my (and my H) loving a child who is so bull-headed & stubborn, he refuses to ask for "help" unless it is financial assistance. Which, we cannot provide right now.
Not because we can't afford it, but because he has caused us financial harm and he has yet to come clean with us about his behaviors that caused the harm.

We pray for him daily.
We pray for his failure or his success .... whichever God determines is best.

THAT, my friend Fred, was/is the most difficult thing for me. To accept and appreciate and be grateful for our difficulties. I think that is one of the reasons we don't "recognize right away" our multitude of blessings.

Like your sig line says .... Our BIG plans~~> God's amusement.

"Take it easy" Fred.

Your strength is amazing, Pepperband. And you manage to keep your humor and continue to help others despite the troubles in your own life.

I think God has a special place in Heaven for people like you.

I hope this isn't a short story made long.

My daughter told me the other day that she had finally convinced her mom (my first ex-wife) to go see a doctor. Her doctor, in fact.

That now makes all three women in my life seeing the same doctor!

Two reports came out of this:

• DD's mom told the doctor, "Before you ask, I'm #1."
• DD says that the doc told her, "I always thought #2 was a little whacky..."

Before you ask -- I have no plans whatsoever to see the same doctor. That would be asking for just too much!

LOL

How ya doing Fred?

Hi Pepperband! The short answer is, "I'm recovering."

The longer answer is that I have a very full plate of both joys and worries. So much so that I have very little time to moan about the loss of my marriage.

I am grateful that everywhere I've turned I've found loving, caring, supportive people: first here, then in my A.A. groups, later Al-Anon, and now with the church I've joined.

Speaking of which, I guess I've made an impression, because I've been asked to address the congregation Sunday on my experience with the men's small group I've been attending. On top of that, I've been invited to attend an adult men's leadership team meeting tomorrow night. That worries me, for it incorporates four words that I don't fully understand:

• Church
• Adult
• Leadership
• Team

Yikes!

Starting next week I'll be leading a 13-week A.A. Step series. Because I take this seriously, I'll be doing a lot of study and research to prepare.

And finally, the job prospects look like they're about to really materialize! The owner/president of the software company and I will be sitting down together next week to work out my role and responsibilities (and, I hope, how I get paid, how much, etc.).

I still haven't entered the dating world, yet. Of all the issues I'm facing, this one scares me the most. I've made some posts on the After Divorce/Dating forum about this. There is one woman I'd like to ask out -- I just haven't gotten up the nerve to do so. I'm worried about missed opportunities, too (what if she winds up dating someone before I ask?)...

And how are YOU doing? I haven't spent much time on the SAA forum lately, as I find it very painful and a bit of a trigger when I do.

As I said, I'm recovering. I want to move forward, not stay anchored in the past.

Fred,


Good to see you on board, I'm glad to hear your getting plugged in to a church family, I know you'll continue to move forward and as always you continue to make sound decisions to make that happen.

Best of luck with the interview, Would love to know what the results are.

I finally have my settlement mediation mid November

I've heard it said that disordered people always make an attempt to re-insert themselves into one's life. That hasn't happened to me yet, and perhaps it never will.

But this song resonates with me anyway, and I post it in hopes that it might help those who might find themselves in a similar situation:



Lyrics:

Love Dwight!!

I played this CD multiple times when I was busy painting the upstairs one night recently. It gave me strength, not just for an inevitable encounter of this kind with the ex, but in the general sense of being lonely.
I hope being single/lonely doesn't drive me (or any of us) to do something that would compromise our principles.

Thanks Fred!

opt

I just felt the need to post this.

I got a call from my daughter this evening to tell me that XWW had changed her name on Facebook. Not a complete surprise, as I'd already known that she was going by her middle name, but DD said that she'd changed her LAST NAME, too.

Well, DD is also the one who had told me that XWW had shown up in the court records seeking a name change, so not really a surprise there, either.

But I have no idea where she got the idea for the last name she chose. I won't mention it here, but I will say that it is not a family name, a former husband's name, and not even OM's name. She hasn't remarried to my knowledge (although nothing would surprise me about her now), so the only thing that comes to mind is that she's "re-inventing" herself.

Considering the strong possibility that she's a Cluster B personality disorder, it amuses me to think she's "re-inventing" something that she can't even understand: herself.

I tried to gently tell my daughter that I really didn't want to know anything about the current (un)doings of my XWW. My happiness and serenity are far better served by knowing absolutely NOTHING about her.

OK, I'm done venting.

Oh, hey -- in brighter news, I have become a "junior partner" in a software company that seems to be thriving and growing without having put much effort into it! I can only imagine what potential it has after really getting into gear...

Is the new last name Leopard ????????

And congrats on the "junior partner"



Hanging in there

SC

LOL! No, nothing quite so appropriate.

In fact, it occurred to me this morning that it's the same last name as a neighbor down the street. I should probably warn that family, in case they start getting bill collector calls!


Thanks! It's a new way of working for me. No W-2, no weekly paycheck. But an equal split of profits as they are recognized. Truly a faith-based way of making a living, if you ask me. But it's probably what I need right now.

I love your posts. They're always putting a positive spin on a sad situation. Gee, I'd like to be like you when I "grow up"!

Thanks, L2S.

My approach to life is stated in your "handle."

I have been blessed with a lot of good friends, sponsors and counselors who have enabled me to weigh my options and choose to live a "happy, joyous and free" existence, or to keep picking on a scab, never allowing it to heal.

Once I heard a fellow say, "There is no such thing as 'gressing.' You are either progressing or regressing. One cannot simply 'gress.'"

On balance, I think I'm a pretty happy, well-adjusted person. I managed to block out the when I married my XWW and that willful dismissal wound up biting me in the butt. Well, no point in "picking the scab," so I just look forward and take it one day at a time.

And just for the record, since I'm on here writing, I just wanted to say that yesterday I completed my eighth marathon! I may be getting older and slower, but I'm not dead, yet!

Heck yeah, congrats!

Fred, I'm just so happy about these pieces of news for you. I know there have been struggles in the last months but to have persevered in both areas which are obviously very important to you is simply fantastic.

Opt

Just for today... a little bit of "bragging rights."

I remember all the changes my xwh went through, and even though I did not want to be with him any longer, it still affected me for awhile.

GB