Hi~

I've been divorced for 3+ years. Although I've really struggled with the divorce I know that it was best thing for us. We are too different. I've spend the past 5 years reading MB materials and have learned a lot. I accept my contribution to the failure of our marriage and I'm very remorseful for the hurt I inflicted upon my XH.

XH has remarried (4th wife). When he told me of his impending marriage I told him that I wouldn't be seeing him again. He said it would be nice for me to text him on occasion and I told him that he should really attempt to be more respectful to his next wife.

He's be remarried for a year and I don't hear from him, but a few weeks ago he asked me to be his friend on Facebook - which I ignored.

Now here's the problem. My XH is a physician who while we were married and separated arranged for or directly treated both of my parents for a variety of medical issues. My parents really found comfort in having him provide care. During the separation and divorce I really struggled hard to make sure I didn't negatively impact my parents and XH relationship because I knew how much it meant to my parents.

Recently my parents have moved closer so I can help them (they are mid 80s). My mom is in the hospital with a mysterious gastric bleed which they haven't found to treat. My Dad is agitating for me to move Mom to the city hospital where XH works.

I just feel awkward asking XH for help. He said when we split up that he loved my parents and cared about them. He asked about their health several times, and when I told him they were not doing well and could he make recommendations etc he said he would - but then never followed through. I came to the conclusion that he liked telling me he would do "whatever he could to help", but those was empty words and that he really didn't feel compelled to help.

I feel very guilty. If I were still married my parents would have access to his medical contacts, etc. In a weak moment I just emailed him asking if he thought it were prudent to move my mom.

My question is - for my parents sake should I suck it up and actively reach out to him for help with my parents' health matters? Or just assume that he's insincere in his offer, and that out of respect for his latest wife and my vulnerable feelings that I tell my parents that we can't ask for his help.

thanks for reading - this is a line I've been walking for several years and I just can't figure it out.... I love my parents and want the best for them -

Does your XH work with any colleagues that you would feel comfortable asking their advice? I don't think there is anything wrong with asking a doctor you know who they might recommend for your parents.

Thanks JT - this AM I emailed his partner - who actually is a GI specialist and is the perfect person to ask about this medical issue. Not sure if I'll hear from XH or his partner but at least I tried.

I guess it's typical - but I feel I've been excommunicated from the medical clan. I did keep one friend (wife of XH colleague) - but she has slowly drifted away and the last conversation I had with her she said she had attended an event with XH and his new wife. She reassured me that he hadn't changed - drinking wine at 10am and wondering if the young women at the event were wearing panties! New wife making the best of it - big smile and laughs.

Got an email from XH's partner. He was very sweet and helpful. He informed me that XH was in Turkey. My initial thoughts turned to envy - but then I remembered that XH was a difficult traveling companion and was usually complaining or stressing me out. That made me feel better!