Hi all, long time since I've been here. I've come a long way since 2007 but find myself always checking out the boards for advice and guidence.

Since my D in 08, I've dated a wonderful girl for 2 years. Everything started out great but in the end, we just weren't right for each other. She had never been married, no children where I have 2 boys from my previous marriage. I know deep down she wants children but I know in my heart, I am all done with that phase of my life. I really want her to have children as well so we broke up based on that and some communication issues.
Of course I miss her and I'm concearned for her. Would it be OK to drop her a call or email to check on her or should I just go about this like, when you never talk to theat person again.

You see, I've really never broken up with someone and I'm 42. How weird is that. I value your opinions please.

Thanks,
Michael

IMO this NOT a kind thing to do.
Break up with a woman, then try and stay connected.

Leave her alone.
She will be better off without any emotional connections with you.
It's best, FOR HER.

Glad you asked.

Don't call her. Next year, send her a Christmas card wishing her the best.

Not only is cutting the strings kindest to her, it's also healthiest for you. How can you get over that relationship if you are still calling her?

PS: I know it stinks. But it will go away.

I really think it depends on the relationship, but in most cases, it's best to cut the ties in order to give both of you a chance to get over each other. Maybe you can have limited contact later on, but it takes time, much time, to heal. There is also the matter of consideration for those who are in your lives in the future.

Hi, thank You for you replies, I just didn't know what to do and it hurts. She is such a great, wonderful caring person but there were some major hurdles that we couldn't seem to cross.
I will take your advice and leave things as they are. I'll remember the good times but not obsesse over them. I'll stay positive and focused and smile that I knew such a beautiful soul.
Thanks for your support.

Michael

My girlfriend of four years broke up with me for the same reason. We She, however ralized that if she didn't face what wasn't working in her own dynamic, she would only repeat her "stuff" with someone else. I'd learn that years ago and fully supported her decision to pursue children...

...we kept in contact--when you start out as friends you can do that--and she asked me if I would go to Imago therapy with her so she could work her stuff out. I agreed, and what came out of this is that she has been freed of the prison of expecting others to "make" her happy. She accepts my position and our friendship has grown. She no longer throws guilt, I no longer catch it and we are both emotionally free to pursue trlationships without carring past issues from this one with it.

You really have to find some way to confront how you are feeling, clarify your relationship goals, and be honest about your intentions before you contact her--or anyone else for that matter. As formally betrayed spouses and divorced people, we want to always be about the work of building better, more authentic relationships. Good luck and many blessings, my friend.

Thank You for your advice, Delightonc- it sounds that your story is similar to mine. You my friend give me hope that one day, we can be friends and set healthy boundries. It does burden my heart to never see her again for she truly is the sweetest woman I've ever met but yet, her happiness is the most important thing to me.
If she can find what she longs for, needs, than I am happy.
I guess now, I have to let time work it's miracle and heal the broken heart.

Thank You all for your words of encouragement.
Michael