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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 18
J
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J
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15 hrs a day!!! youve got to be kidding?!@3!
I need some help with this one.
Ok We have 3 kids, ranging from 7 to 10 mths.
We run a farm,
he works in the states 7 on, 7 off.
When hes here, he has to work at least 1/2 days, for 6 weeks.
The weekends are filled with the kids needing his time, and WORKING on the farm, doing the things he should do when hes away working.
Where do we find the time?
weve scheduled a weekend away next weekend, alone, but it is generally so hard without kids and work to be done, we dont get to bed till 10 at night, and by then were both exhausted!
I know its all so important, and im getting frustrated, we both are.
Its so fresh too, the ONS was discovered only 3 weeks ago, were doing well but we need more time!
If anyone else has been in this position, can you offer advice??
Thanks
Jodie.

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 187
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F
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I think you misunderstood. The time recommendation is 15 hours each week.

Good luck

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J
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J
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thanks Farmer, but hey, 15 hrs a week is impossible too! can you still suggest something??
maybe stop the clock!

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 187
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Sure wish I could. My wife told me that she can't "afford" 15 minutes a day for me! Seems she is too busy with "life" I'm ready to tell her to "have a good life".

When you discover a good workable solution, please share it with everyone else.

Joined: Mar 2002
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justhurt,

Yes, I CAN suggest something....and it's something that won't be easy...but it's necessary. This 7 days on and off schedule is going to undo your marriage. I know....I lived it(my H was an engineer in the oilfields)...and I lived the ONSs (there were two in my marriage). He needs to find work that doesn't take him away from his family for half of his life. It's an adjustment that will allow you to make the 15 hours a week. He might not be able to do it right away...it may take planning...but without it, you two will continue to struggle. Giving up that kind of job may mean some financial struggles at first, but if you plan well....it doesn't have to.

Joined: Dec 2000
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Just one simple idea. This is something you can start now.

When he is home, take the kids with you(or bring them to grandma's house) and do "farm chores" as a family. Talk to each other while you do the chores. When you need to make a meal, let the whole family help and talk together as you all are in the kitchen cooking or whatever. Share all the chores with your husband even chores that YOU typically do. Talk and use your time to get to know each other better.

Remember, you CAN find 15 hours a week to interact IF you use some of the chore time doing it.

This is not how you want to permantly run your marriage, but it is a quick start to the 15 hours a week for NOW. Later, you can adjust your schedules better to accodomate more ALONE time, more time for sex, etc.

Speaking of sex, can you "slip" that in between chores? Think of creative things to do in the barn etc.....I bet you could come up with something....don't neglect each other there....

Joined: Nov 2003
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by baba2:
<strong> ...Remember, you CAN find 15 hours a week to interact IF you use some of the chore time doing it.... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">baba, EXCELLENT advice!!

Every family has chores that need to be done in order to run a household. When the family members work on those chores together, they are spending time together and the younger ones are learning how to help also.

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by star*fish:
<strong> He needs to find work that doesn't take him away from his family for half of his life. It's an adjustment that will allow you to make the 15 hours a week. He might not be able to do it right away...it may take planning...but without it, you two will continue to struggle. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is so true. We all try to fit so much into so little time; try to multi-task, etc. But the truth is that you marriage will not thrive without a fair amount of undivided attention to each other. You guys need to brainstorm how to get there and start working towards it together.

Kathi

Joined: Aug 2001
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I was thinking of exactly what Baba recommended. Work chores, and home chores. Especially like the cooking together recommendation. We too are struggling with enough time together; my H works a minimum of 60hrs a week, I work 3 nights. There is a definate difference on how things flow between us when we have the unusual week of more than 5 hrs together.

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I think baba's advice is excellent too....the problem remains however...and I know because I lived it....that doing chores together can't make up for weeks and weeks that the two are not together. I've been living in around the oilfield for twenty years now, and those kind of scedules....and have yet to see a marriage that did well under those circumstances. Usually by the time these engineers break out of the "field" their wives are half way out of the door.


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