I was thinking about how we see so many people come here with the same situation. Everyone thinks their situation is unique, but we all know that's not the case. It's the same situations just with different players.

I was thinking it would be helpful to come up with links to threads that we think show good examples of how these situations got resolved. For example:

Online EA with old bf/gf/crush
Workplace PA
Neighbor PA
Relative PA
etc.

I have a friend whose wife is involved in an online EA. I gave him a pointer to this site, but I also wish I could give him a pointer to one of the threads of someone who went through that same situation and was able to turn it around. My memory is not good enough to remember which threads might be good candidates for that. If there was a list, we could easily tell people to check out a specific thread so they can see how their situation is likely to play out.

Do you think that's a good idea? Perhaps the threads can be linked here or in Scotland's newly betrayed thread

Vity, I focus on convincing them of one pertinent fact: affairs are all the same. It is amazing how alike they all are, whether it be a physical affair or an online affair with some loser from Australia.

The tactics to resolve all the aforementioned affairs is basically the same so if we get someone who believes his is "different" we have to spend valuable time convincing him otherwise.

In all of those situations you mentioned, the solution was Plan A with a focus on exposure. What may vary are the exposure targets, but that varies based on the cast of the characters, not the type of affair.

So, my focus is on convincing them they are the same, not different.

Hope that makes sense!

Think that is a great idea. Maybe a subset thread to infidelity and group by types. I know it would have helped me initially while my head was spinning out of control with the shock of the A.

I think that quick links to successful outcomes is a good idea, although I agree with MelodyLane that the course of action is the same, regardless of the details. Success is achieved only with NC and serious work on recovery. NC for an online EA means no recreational internet use. For a workplace PA it means a change of job. For a neighbour PA it means a house move, and for a relative PA it means no more gatherings where the relative is present.

Genuine NC enables the start of recovery.

There was a thread, started by ACE, I believe, which contained success stories. Perhaps we only need to bump this one?

I think the success threads would help when people come here in a state of shock. They've never been through this before, so of course they feel their situation is unique and helpless. Although the course of treatment is typically the same, I think having example threads of each situation would be more helpful. The person will be able to read a thread which closely matches their situation. They'll realize that their situation is only different in some small, insignificant way and they can see how the solution will hopefully work out.

I think this is a swell idea......

Feel free you use my story (the link is in my soggy...... ). Mine would fit under "Long Distance PA/EA" category. It has work place overtones, though they didn't work for the same company, so long distance would be better suited.......

Not2fun

I think this is a great idea. I was talking to FWH about posting here. HE said he has read a lot on here but hasn't seen anything that resembles what he did.

A year after his A he still swears that he didn't do it on purpose, didn't want her physically, and would never have left me for her. They talked on the phone alot, texted, shared some inappropriate pictures, and even tried phone sex once. He says that all he was attracted to was someone to talk to. He didn't realize he was having an affair until I asked him to go NC with her and she wrote him a letter asking him to leave me for her.

So where would you put this type of affair.

I would call this the typical, garden variety affair. This is where we run into trouble, when we try to find ways that each affair is "different." That is dangerous ground. When we start believing our situations are "unique" [aren't we all??] then the logical conclusion of that thinking is therefore, the solution is different. And it ain't.

They are all the same. It is all infidelity and no matter if it was phone sex, baloney sandwich sex or animal sex, the solution is the same. So it does absolutely no good to seek unique classifications when the remedy is the same. The circle always closes in the same place.

When betrayed spouses and wayward spouses alike start reading the threads around here they are always amazed at how ALIKE their affairs are. They are all the same. The clothes might be different, the names might be different, but they are more alike than they differ.

Let me put it another way. Every affair has the same remedy. If the affair is still on, Plan A and Plan B are warranted. If the affair is over, then the remedy is EPs, NC letter and a plan of recovery.

So it doesn't matter how we define an affair, a PA, EA or whatever, the remedy is the SAME. Since the remedy is the same, I think it would be helpful to link to articles about Plan A/B and/or recovery.

I do agree with you that all affairs are the same. How do you get the Wayward spouse to realize the same thing?

Wounded, you don't have to get them to agree all affairs are the same to recover, you just have to get them to agree to take the necessary steps to recover. If they end the affair and the fog wears off they usually realize they weren't unique anyway. But again, one doesn't have to believe all are affairs are the same to get on board with recovery.

The organizing side of my brain likes the idea of categorizing A's by type. But...I dunno...wouldn't it kind of be like herding cats?

I could see it starting out all nice and organized, and then spreading out to what it is now as people personalize their sitch with more posts and responders post back from their own viewpoints. And I don't think that's a bad thing, really.

Everyone's got their flavor of affair, but at the end of the day it's...an affair. And the tools are basically the same for them.

Wounded, he is playing games with you. He KNOWS what he did was an A. He KNOWS that it was damaging to the M. If he thinks his story is different than the others he has read here, all the more reason for him to post...would be my argument.

That is exactly what I told him.