What are you?

What is your spouse?

What is your marriage?

Why do you feel this way?

What makes a person high or low maintenance and how do you feel about that?

I'll answer in a few minutes - this keeps coming up in conversations with friends lately.

Jan

What are you? A pain in the butt

What is your spouse? She was as big as the U.S. deficit

What is your marriage? what was my marriage? high maintenance.....what is my divorce....high maintenance

Why do you feel this way? Gee i dont know, maybe the 3.5K she gets every month, the fact that she always had to have name brand clothes, new cars, a big house....

What makes a person high or low maintenance and how do you feel about that? the cost to make them happy or actually for them to make you feel you are making them happy ( if that makes sense)

So what's in your wallet? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

nothing - does that mean I'm low maintenance???

I've always figured a person seems low maintenance if you're compatible and high maintenance if you're not, or something along those lines.

I've also heard the term used to refer to someone's appearance -- someone with a look that requires expensive clothes, lots of care, lots of hair products, etc. I've also known at least two men who say they dream of a woman who doesn't fuss with her appearance and can be ready in 10 minutes, but these same two guys are consistently attracted to women with very high-maintenance appearances. Not a big shock that they never seem to date anyone who can be ready in 10 minutes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

What are you?
Med. low maintenance--about a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10
What is your spouse?
Low maintenance--about a 2.5.
What is your marriage?
Not married, yet, but given the number of potential issues I've introduced in the past year, we're probably a 6 out of 10.

Why do you feel this way?
We could go on day to day happily without thinking about the problems that marriages seem to inevitably have...we could be an extremely low maintenance relationship because we just get along so well and like all of the same things. However, I'm not happy working with the current marital success odds and have created maintenance issues...I make us work for our future happiness despite our current happiness. So, while I don't think I'm high maintence (he doesn't either), I've made our relationship relatively high maintence...the focus on US as opposed to me.

What makes a person high or low maintenance and how do you feel about that?
I like George's definition for the individual. I think personality differences will play a role in maintaining a marriage as a whole. I think that what makes an individual high maintenance is the amount of time, energy, and money necessary to make that person think s/he is happy. I was going to say that co-dependency is a big part of being high maintenance, but I know plenty of high maintenance women who are very independent because of their affinity for material things and beauty.

Great topic! I can't wait to read more responses.
Smile

<small>[ January 26, 2004, 12:52 PM: Message edited by: SmileADay ]</small>

What are you? Low Maintenance, Emotionally & Financially

What is your spouse? Higher Maintenance, both E & F

What is your marriage? Medium... (Before, I would have said LOW, but I've learned I was probably too complacent!)

Why do you feel this way? (That our Marriage is Medium Maintenance, or me or him?)
MARRIAGE: is only Medium Maintenance because H is a conflict avoider, and I let the little things GO, as much as I can. We have many common interests, so there is not too much for us to get worked up about. We are a good fit.

ME: I’m happy if the bills are paid and (before dday) I didn’t require a lot of emotional stroking.

HIM: My H likes $toys and $gadgets, I have to be careful not to come off like a parent saying 'NO' all the time. Being Happy and Carefree is important to him, I have to keep a good face, try to keep things light so he doesn’t get too bogged down. He doesn’t deal with stress very well. I eat it for breakfast. It’s a nice balance. My H is sensitive; I have to be careful about what I say and how I come off.

What makes a person high or low maintenance and how do you feel about that? Their level of Neediness (emotionally & financially), and the amount of work I have to do to keep them happy. My H is probably the neediest person I’ve been with, but that’s OK. It makes me give more, and I need to do that. - Dru

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">nothing - does that mean I'm low maintenance??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No because it all depends on what you would like to see in your wallet.....

SMILES...... good answers...... I am so used to maintenance being money oriented with my ex and my kids..... I had to thourough oversite to even think of it in relationship terms.... as to caring, tending, meeting of needs, etc.....

What are you?

Guess I might be considered high maintenance by some. Hair, nails, skin are important to me. Money..important, but not about the brands, just enough to be comfotable and a nice dinner and martini out every so often. Emotionally I definitely am pretty needy, I'll admit it. Need space, but praise.

What is your spouse?

med maintenence physically, Emotionally I don't know or I wouldn't be on this darn board.

What is your marriage?
HIGH maintenence

Why do you feel this way?

Too hard.

What makes a person high or low maintenance and how do you feel about that?

Physical appearance. I love high maintence..just shows that you care about the way you look. Emotionally, a balance sounds good, not too needy, but not void of that emotion either.

What are you?

On a scale of 1 - 10, I'd say I'm about a 4 - 5. I like plenty of time and attention, and I enjoy receiving gifts, but I'm way more interested in the personal connection - let's have fun. And ten minutes on most days is enough notice to go almost anywhere.

What is your spouse?

Since I'm single and not seriously dating anyone - I'll have to just give what I "want" - which would be someone who wants attention and an actively participating spouse. About a 4 - 5 on the scale. Maybe more - if he's particularly giving of his attention too - but I want some balance.

What is your marriage?

Again - this is what I'd want --- probably for the same reason as Smile - I'd want a higher maintenance marriage. I want it to last, so I want some effort put in on both sides. Maybe more communication, more issues solved, more participation on all levels.

Why do you feel this way?

I think I'm a fairly independent person. Capable of holding my own in most situations. I do however want a relationship where we are both pulling for each other - not a one sided situation where one is doing all the work of making the marriage happy. I believe it takes two PLUS GOD - to make a marriage work.

What makes a person high or low maintenance and how do you feel about that?

I think personal ability to care for oneself makes a person either high or low maintenance. For instance, a clingy woman who can't stand on her own and make a decision to me would be high maintenance, or a man who had to be waited on constantly. I would think it would be beneficial to both for each to have some level of independence yet still be focused on the mutual relationship and moving the same direction.

In my personal experience, I'm not sure money has as much to do with high or low maintenance as personality does. I honestly don't see myself as an 'expensive' person to keep happy. I like a lot of simpler things - nice cars, nice house, and fancy clothes are okay - but I'd rather have "time" with my spouse and children.

I suppose if "he's" not going to BE THERE and wants to ply my interest with money I could be persuaded to accept expensive gifts - but I'm afraid I'd be more susceptible to seeking "presence" than "presents"... LOL

Jan

Smile made an excellent point that I've been wondering about for a while. H and I are both low maintenance sorts of people. We were always pretty happy to just coast along. Due to his five years of almost constant military deployments, maintenance on the marriage wasn't much of a factor. I focused on holding the home and family together, while supporting his career however I could. He had multiple As during this time. So I've also worked at doing more maintenance on the marriage now that the nightmare is over. But I wonder just how much maintenance I should require for myself? I made no demands during the deployments, never questioned when he forgot my birthdays and never gave me gifts for special occassions. I just sucked up the hurt and did the best I could. He's made wonderful progress in this area after I told him how hurt I was all those years when he neglected that. I'll always wonder if I'd made him put more work into the marriage then, if it would have made me more valuable to him. People tend to value that which they have to work for. I learned a hard lesson about boundaries and PORH. But the "maintenance" issue is one I haven't seen addressed before. I look forward to seeing other opinions here.

I think I'm fairly low maintenance and I think my H would agree.

I think he's fairly high maintenance and I think he would agree with that as well.

Low maintenance people are:

Folks you can go on vacation with and they won't get mad at you if you aren't with them every minute.

If they come to your house, they don't have to be waited on, impressed....and they help clean up.

They make the best of bad situations and can laugh about it.

They aren't nervous or worriers.

They don't need alot of cash, jewelry, fancy stuff or labels to feel great about who they are.

If they're sick...they don't complain.

They hold up their ends of bargains...you can count on them.

If you mess up, they don't make a big deal out of it.

They're polite and don't gossip.

My marriage is fairly high maintenance....aren't they all??????????? Oh it has it's moments where it's just smooth sailing, but don't let it get away from you. We still spend too much time apart for it to be low maintenance...I keep dreaming of being 70 though and not having enough energy to p*ss each other off though! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

What are you?

I would say low to medium as it doesn't take much to make me happy if the other person knows how.

What is your spouse?

About as low maintanence as they come

What is your marriage?

Also very low

Why do you feel this way?

It takes very little to make my H happy, so it is very easy to do. In a sense it is somewhat of a letdown though because I know there is so much more I could give but after all these years I know it would be a wasted effort. [i]He has made it clear that all he needs is someone to love him just as he is and take care of him. I on the other hand could use a little more input on his part....we are opposites...I am passionate and need color in my life, he is laid back and happy with everything in shades of brown. [/i]

What makes a person high or low maintenance and how do you feel about that?

What they feel they need in order to be happy. I would imagine that as long as you feel comfortable meeting the needs of the other person then it really doesn't matter which type they are.

What are you?

I used to be very low-maintenance. After the A, medium maintenance.

What is your spouse?

High maintenance.

What is your marriage?

High maintenance.

Why do you feel this way?

I feel this way cuz my husband will let me know when he's not happy.

What makes a person high or low maintenance and how do you feel about that?

I feel he is high maintenance because I need to learn to give him the kind of emotional support he needs. Because this is difficult for me, it feels like he 'always' needs it. But maybe it seems he always needs it, cuz I give so little?

Dobie: I'm in a similar spot. I never required alot of shows of affection before the A. Now, I want what he gave to OW.

hi.

i think i am high maintance.

H is low mainitenace.

our marriage is High maintenance.

why? because i make it that way.

what makes a person high or low maintence.

i am just going to answer this from the perspective i have about my marriage.
i think my husband is on the low-maintence side because he grew up in a large family, is very independent and never required or asked much from me.
he would take care of himself, do whatever needed to be done and feel like that was all there was to life.
he never complained about anything.
except when i drove him to it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

i think i am high.......i just have a very different perspective on life and marriage. Be happy and fulfilled...i think of contentment as a dirty word.....i want more, more, more.

he told me he thought contentment in marriage was great....what more could one want?

so, that is why i am high and he is low and i force the issue....so, our marriage becomes high maintenece.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Dobie: I'm in a similar spot. I never required alot of shows of affection before the A. Now, I want what he gave to OW. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hadn't allowed myself to think of it that way, but you nailed it. I can even follow my own thoughts now that you clued me in. He did the stuff for her, he thought she was wonderful, so if I make him do it for me he'll think I'm wonderful. Scary. Even more, I want him to WANT to do that stuff for me because he thinks I'm wonderful.

This is turning out to be a fantastic thread already. I like how Star listed items that she sees as high maintenance. I'm having a difficult time understanding the different definitions people have, but I do like the emotional/financial distinction because I think those can be independent of each other.

I think my maintenance level is almost completely of the emotional variety and hardly at all about money or material things. I don't need gifts or to be wined and dined to know how much he loves me. I actually don't like money being spent on me. I do like big bear hugs, curling up and watching a movie, long talks, RC, and I really like it when he can tell there is something wrong and then gets me to open up and talk about it. 5x handles my high maintenance aspects VERY well. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, but don't like to spend money. I can get irritable and frustrated and he knows just how to calm me down and make me smile. Our personalities compliment each other so well that it balances out any high maintenance issues that are introduced.

I think it would be fun and interesting if people went into more detail about what makes them high maintenance and whether or not that is something that should change. I think we've already determined that there are positives and negatives associated with being high maintenance (and same with low maintenance)...sounds like a medium maintenance level is desirable. There needs to be enough maintenance to keep the relationship interesting and engaging, but not too much that it becomes unmanageable or too complicated.

Smile

ok, smile.i will go into some detail about what makes me high maintenaance.

i am really not at all High Maintence by Stars definitions. i am very easy going.
none of my friends would call me high maintenance.

i think i am just high maintenace w/ my H.
i like attention and being spoiled.
i love material things and fancy vacations but not as much as conversations and having fun. i do not like to be left out of the fun. i always had a problem w/ that.

My H is a bit of a loner. he loves the fact that i am affectionate and has told me he was drawn to that becuase he never got much.
we have always been an affectionate couple.

i think the biggest issue w/ us is our differences........i am very vocal in my expectations and he is not at all.
i can be confrontational and he always plays the diplomat.
i am a people person and come to life at a party.....and although social, he is very guarded around others.

so, i think it is our differences that makes our relationship high maintenance.