I need opinions! I took off work today and just received an e-mail from the OM that said this<P> "Forgive me for sending this. It will be hard to break wonderful old habits. I hope you are doing something fun today instead of work. I imagine this is not the case and I am worried about you. If you could page me and let me know you are ok I would feel better. You can put in 222. I will be at work until 5:30 and then I have a meeting. I love you and won't keep bothering you, it just takes some time getting used to."<P>So, what do you think? Should I page and put in the 222? Should I e-mail back and put "I'm fine" (and nothing else) or should I just do nothing. I do not hate him, have no hard feelings, but want to do what is best. Would it be better to just answer so he will quit worrying and satisfy him? I wonder also if he put the part in about being at work until 5:30 so that I would maybe call him. Why would he need to tell me that otherwise.<P>Darn, this is hard. Help me out here

I wouldn't contact him at all.

Agree. No contact.

<BR>No contact means NO CONTACT. No email, no 222, nothing.<P>Bystander

Thanks, what do you guys intrepret from his message? Maybe that he is not giving up or that he just wants to know I am ok?

Why contact? What is your husband's advice? If you and your H are rebuilding then he is the one you should contact. You have to not contact the OM someday, make that today.<P>What do I understand by his E-mail?<P>That he doesn't understand no contact either!<p>[This message has been edited by awoken (edited October 26, 1999).]

<BR>Susan,<P>He is trying to re-establish your emotional connection to him. Even something as entering "222" on a pager tells both of you (not just him) that you still care. The only way to get past him is through no contact. Yeah, its hard...take the pain.<P>Bystander

Thanks! That is what I have done so far...nothing. Is there anyone that thinks I should contact for any reason? Even to say I am fine, do not ask or concern yourself anymore?

Dear Susan,<P>I know how very, very hard this is but NO CONTACT...today it is 222, tomorrow 333, then 444 and it is still contact. There is never a good way to end and never a better day to start never contacting him again than today.

According to Harley, we should never do anything without total agreement from our spouse (Policy of Joint Agreement).<P>So, ask your H what you should do.<P>What do you suppose his answer will be?????

I know what you are going thru, but do not contact him. It will start the cycle over again. Try to block his emails from reaching you. He needs to respect that you are working on your marriage. I know how you feel, it is sooooo hard not to be sucked into it, but you will get thru this. Go for a walk around your office or neighborhood just get out!!!!! Be tough

By you continually asking "is there ANYONE who thinks that I should page hime, so that he will know that I am okay"....<BR>is only obvious that you are hoping that someone on this board will say "yeah, go ahead, page him if only to make the OM feel at ease".<BR>Come on now, withdrawal is hard, but if you had to ask if you should call him, then you already know that it would be another infidelity move against your H!

Susan,<P>NO!!! I know how hard it is!!! Go do something, get your mind off of him. God, I know I wish I had someone to lock me up or shake me or something.<P>Bonny, is right. Tomorrow it will be 333, or I just called to say hi, or some other excuse. It never ends.

Susan: You're an adult. You do what you think is right for you. It is definitely hard to break up with someone you have been intimate with and for reasons only you know has comforted you. However, I will have to agree with the rest. If it is truly over between you both then contact must be shut down completely. He needs to know this as well. Contact him, let him know that you are fine, but he cannot contact you anymore. Let him know that your total concentration and alliance(kind of a professional non-feeling way) is on your spouse and your marriage. Heartbreaking as it sounds and feels---"it ain't over till it's over" well, it's over. Good luck!

Susan,<P>As everyone said, No. The people that should and do care if you are alright are: Your H, your children, your parents, H's parents. No where on that list is OM. He will see you tomorrow at work. He knows everything is not OK with you, you are trying to separate from him. <P>If you don't feel well tell your H. Your health mental or phyical is the concern of your family. Not OM. He is using you big time.<P>

I am fine!! I took off work today because I didn't want to see him. I am much happier when I am at home and on weekends... I know what you all will say...then you mustchange jobs!!! For complex reasons, this is hard. I can avoid him at work though.<P>I guess I hate for him to think I am home crying my eyes out, when although I AM sad, I feel such a sense of relief today. And thanks to so many of you on this board, you have been so supportive and helped me through this day!<P>

Good choice coming to the forum instead of paging the OM!<P>Continue being strong...you know it's not a good idea to contact the OM or you wouldn't have been here!

Yeah! I made it through the first day, now for tomorrow and going back to work.

Hi, Susan,<P>Glad you made it throught the day. My initial response was thinking "yeah, tell him you're ok, but not to contact you any more". However, having been in your situation for far longer than I like to admit , I think cold-turkey no contact is the best way to go... he is "testing" what the new rules are... are they flexible?... don't bend 'em, they are remarkably easy to contort beyond recognition & eventually you find yourself back at square one. HOLD THAT LINE! <P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<BR>

nutz! <BR><p>[This message has been edited by suse (edited October 26, 1999).]