an update on the Kentucky case...

It appears the OM has FINALLY taken all the blogs and websites down and is no longer harassing his ALLEGED bio-son's family.

Mr. W

""""""""""""""""It's not like bio-dad/sperm donors in these situations are ever going to get every other weekend and Wednesday evenings.""""""""""""

that is what om got in our case along with alternating certain holidays

Please remind us, pops,

Was her age a factor in this arrangement? Was you daughter still a baby when this went to court?

want,

I said I would bump the thread, but I've just looked at it as it is a messy argument. I don't think that the arguments on the thread will necessarily be useful to you.

From what I can see, this was a case decided in Kentucky in around April 2008. The judge threw out a call by OM to have a DNA test.

Your lawyer should be able to look up the case and see whether its outcome would be useful to your case.

Pops, in your case you were okay with joint custody though, right?

My BH's question is: Does a BH have no rights? He is the victim, so how can any court order a paternity test against the BH's wishes? Or does he have no rights, and only the OM has rights? If that's the case, it seems like any Joe Shmoe could contest paternity and potentially ruin a family just because he feels like it...

This went the way it did for pops beause pops didn't just open the door for the the OM, pops torn down the whole wall and gave the OM access to the OC and to intrude in his families life.

Because pops placed more importance on money then NC.

The law of presumption, based on that the BH is the dad because no one could prove paternity. The courts logic was that what is best for the family as a whole guided their decision.

That the parents were better off to stay together with the COM and OC as one family unit.

Now science has made proving paternity possible it has forced the law makers and courts to change how things are being done.

Basically the BH has two years to question paternity an disown the OC and not be stuck for CS.
I don't know the time frame OM have to contest paternity, but I would think it be no more then what a BH has.

Yes the BH is a "victim" he didn't do anything. But half the blame has to go to the WW. And the OM can try to blame everything on the WW and paint himself as the victim as well.

OM can claim the WW was the agressor.
OM can claim WW said she was infertile,
had her tubes tied,
she said she was on the pill,
had an IUD.
OM can claim WW said she was separated and filed for a D.
OM can claim WW was going to marry OM and wanted a family with him soon as divorce was final.
OM can claim WW said she wasn't married.
OM can claim as many things as he is smart enough to claim.

Now depending on a bunch of individual circumstances along with proof the OM is the bio dad courts can start protecting bio dad rights. Say when an unmarried couple dating split and she's pregnant she can't deny access to the bio dad.

This single girl can't claim she never had sex with her boyfriend, well she can but DNA will prove she's lying.

Just as with a WW can't claim there was no affair, no sex with the OM when DNA says different.

Thanks for the info, 4eva! We're definitely doing our homework, but it doesn't seem like enough...

http://letmeseemyson.blogspot.com/

If I remember there were lots of pictures and some videos of OM, WW, and OC together in motel room and park. Along with a lot of text.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2057955&page=1

There are at least 29 pages of posts. I not going to read them now but if I remember the OM had a DNA test done on his own before WW decided to end the affair and go NC with the OM for her and the OC.

Being her BH and FIL were lawyers, has always made me feel if this pushed her to recover instead of divorce. Two lawyers working overtime, to hound her for CS, no visitation, loss of marital home, loss of an affluent life style married to an attorney, total financial ruin. The damage to her COM because their family fell apart.

the baby was just that a baby, about 8 months or so when the court stuff started. by the time the court order was finalized om had his 1st visit just before she turned 2.

yes i am ok with our custody order

in Ca there are 2 clasifications when it comes to custody. one is legal and the other is custodial

we have primary custodial and joint legal.

custodial means the oc lives with us and om can have court appointed visitations

legal means he can have the b-cert changed and add his name if he wants. right now there is no one listed and he hasn't changed it in 7 years

also in Ca your h has no say in the court procedings. only what fh and discussed and decided together with her attorney. not sure what your state laws are.

when fh went to the court mediator it was the mediator her and om only

i would not recommend my choices to anyone. it was a long bumpy road and not for the faint of heart.

in your situation i would recommend that you stay the MB course if at all possible.

keep in close contact with your attorney. if he isn't giving you the answers you want interview others. and force om to press the legal issue

no matter what some may think there was much much more than money that went into the choices we made. if they were here 10 years ago they would know that

Thanks for you reply, pops. I think OP will find this helpful.

I don't like the way you have been accused of putting money first. I don't think financial gain was the motive. I've read and understood (I think) your concerns for your daughter's future. Also, I don't think that parents who have not read Harley would know how do do this - any more than I knew about exposure, Plan A, Plan B, changing jobs and NC letters when I first faced my H's affair.

I think, though, you are right to caution about following your path. Your right to CS gave OM his right to access, and this has affected the whole family.

New posters need to consider the positives and negatives of CS. It comes at a price.

I agree. Pops did the best HE knew how at the time. Thank you for posting that you would not recommend your solution. It IS a rough road and I know you and FH have struggled over it. You are a good guy, pops.

When I told OM I was P and wanted to stay with my BH, I said point blank, "You come after the child for any parental rights and/or visitation, I will come after you for CS." He was such a cheapskate, and probably didn't want family and friends to know of the A, (though he was single), that was enough to scare him away, as it seems to be with most OMs. People in affairs, are usually just in it for a 'free good time', not to be strapped with a kid. I'm sure he moved on to the next married woman, and never looked back.

I sometimes feel badly I said that to him in that way... like blackmail or whatever, but IF he really WANTED to know the OC, nothing I said would've stopped him.

This worked for me too. The OM in my case definitely didn't want his ex-wife or his two teenage daughters to know about the OC, so I had a lot of leverage.

When you dumped the OM did BH know you had a PA and were pregnant?

In my case OM is relentless. Nothing seems to deter him. I'm at my wits' end!

Have you change cell and email.

Block OM on FB, better yet get rid of FB.

Restraining order?

Don't remember do you still work or live near OM?

I think you're talking about his court case, aren't you? Your'e saying that you cannot get him to drop this.

You're not saying that he keeps phoning or trying to contact you?

Your thread is becoming muddled because so many separate discussions have spun off from it. We should try to stick to advising you about your situation here, and not discussing other people's.

Right, the NC is working. We only "talk" through lawyers right now, which my BH handles. OM is only relentless about pursuing rights to the OC. My BH and I are terrified that he'll get joint custody. I only wish that the threat of CS would work to keep him away.

The one good thing is that my M has somehow gotten better after all of this. My BH and I are getting through this fire stronger than ever. Praise God something good could come out of all of the pain!