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#2441488 11/08/10 10:33 PM
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Inspired by Pep's translation of fogbabble, I thought I'd translate the words of an OM to a WW. Normally I don't do this, but seeing this particular post really made me mad.

Quote:
He said that he deeply regrets what happened


Oh, please forgive me for helping you to destroy your marriage and getting into your pants! Please also ask your H to forgive me so that he will not hurt me as I continue to help you destroy your marriage by being the "sympathetic" ear. I am a really good guy. Honestly. cool


Quote:
but he loves me.


I love you so much that I totally ignore the fact you are not available for me to love. What's that? You're married? Psh, that is no different to me! My love for you is so grand NO ONE should be against it.



To other MBers...I apologize. frown This particular post just really grated at me. mad

Last edited by karmasrose; 11/08/10 10:35 PM.

One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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karmarose you are so right.

It's hard to believe people will sell themselves so cheaply...

It used to be a guy had to invest time, effort, commitment and some resemblance of care and concern toward a woman before she considered becoming sexually intimate with him...

Now, for some guys, it only takes a laminated card reminding him of his pickup lines to use on married women:

#1 You're pretty!!!

#2 You're smart!!!

#3 But I love you!!!

The idea that a married woman would BELIEVE an OM and throw EVERYTHING of value in her life away for a REHEARSED set of pickup lines he uses on EVERYONE is unbelievable... crazy

Melody is so right, the greatest insult a man can give a married woman is to think that he can trade those cheap lines to get her to pull her panties down. Geez...

P.S. note...unfortunately seems to work on both genders... puke

Jim


FWW 48 had EA and PA affair with my brother which ended in 2006. Me BH 53. Happily recovering with a new and better marriage through MB!!! My thread - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2110024#Post2110024
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Ouch....

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Originally Posted By: Jim_Flint

karmarose you are so right.

It's hard to believe people will sell themselves so cheaply...

It used to be a guy had to invest time, effort, commitment and some resemblance of care and concern toward a woman before she considered becoming sexually intimate with him...

Now, for some guys, it only takes a laminated card reminding him of his pickup lines to use on married women:

#1 You're pretty!!!

#2 You're smart!!!

#3 But I love you!!!

The idea that a married woman would BELIEVE an OM and throw EVERYTHING of value in her life away for a REHEARSED set of pickup lines he uses on EVERYONE is unbelievable... crazy

Melody is so right, the greatest insult a man can give a married woman is to think that he can trade those cheap lines to get her to pull her panties down. Geez...

P.S. note...unfortunately seems to work on both genders... puke

Jim



I am a woman in her late 40s and it is an insult for a MM or any other man to cross these kinds of boundaries. Always has been and always will be for as long as I am M or if the man is M. How does a woman even get past the fact that when a MM starts to "pursue" them it is an insult to her character and he's telling her that he thinks that she is cheap. I will never understand how anyone allows a MM to "pursue" them.

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Quote:
What I did not know is that I would get people being MEAN, laughing at my situation, taunting me and creating new threads ranting about what has happened. I am not really in the right emotional place at the moment for that kind of treatment.


Apparently you are in the right emotional place to contact OM, which is no place that you should be.


Harmony, get used to seeing boards like this if you continue to contact the OM. The people here don't really take kindly to active waywards. You ARE going to get twoxfour and dramaqueen is not going to help you recover your marriage.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted By: karmasrose
Quote:
What I did not know is that I would get people being MEAN, laughing at my situation, taunting me and creating new threads ranting about what has happened. I am not really in the right emotional place at the moment for that kind of treatment.


Apparently you are in the right emotional place to contact OM, which is no place that you should be.


Harmony, get used to seeing boards like this if you continue to contact the OM. The people here don't really take kindly to active waywards. You ARE going to get twoxfour and dramaqueen is not going to help you recover your marriage.


Truth be told, Harmony. It's gonna get a little hot for you - can you stand the heat? From anonymous strangers, who, oddly, care for you and have your best interests in mind? Whether you choose to see that right now, or not?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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I totally "get" this whole thread! I am a newly M'd woman, early 40's, and look younger and immediately after we married, somebody I'd dated a few years ago after my d, somebody I hadn't talked to in years, not since before I met DH and we were dating, phoned me to ask me (seriously..is that is the best a jerk can do?) if I was really happy that I had gotten married and if I had done the right thing?

I was angry, insulted, and p'ssed off. I blocked this person from my phone and even wondered why in the heck after several years they'd even phone me at all. Having had a cheating, lying scumbag xh and knowing the lines he used to bed ow and what the ow used to get him, I get nauseated at the thought of somebody trying to do this kinda stuff.

It is no compliment. It is a horrid insult. I mean, what can a mm or ow do for an affair partner anyway? What does one think they could expect from such a tawdry liason? Cheap gifts. Sneak away 's to hotels for quickies, lies, more lies, and maybe an std? How is any of the affair crap romantic I ask you?

If folks would simply spend the time putting energy into their M rather than keeping quiet with any complaint or never working on things or telling their spouses if there is an issue, we'd not have to deal with om or ow or mm or mw. None of that would go on.

It's a situation that lasts and stays with you for years, even if you heal and move past it. You will have triggers for the rest of your days if you're a former bw or bh. I should know.

But if you're so cheap you'd fall for a few ridiculous phrases from somebody who is wanting you to trade your honor and dignity for a roll in the mud, then you need to get your head examined.


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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Originally Posted By: peachyisback

I was angry, insulted, and p'ssed off. I blocked this person from my phone and even wondered why in the heck after several years they'd even phone me at all. Having had a cheating, lying scumbag xh and knowing the lines he used to bed ow and what the ow used to get him, I get nauseated at the thought of somebody trying to do this kinda stuff.

It is no compliment. It is a horrid insult. I mean, what can a mm or ow do for an affair partner anyway? What does one think they could expect from such a tawdry liason? Cheap gifts. Sneak away 's to hotels for quickies, lies, more lies, and maybe an std? How is any of the affair crap romantic I ask you?


ITA! There is this guy who always has to come sniffing around my desk pretending to talk to another guy we work with while giving me the "eye". He is M. It makes me sick to my stomach for him to be looking at me with his seductive eyes. I literally get sick. I ignore him. I dare him to disrespect me and my M by coming on to me. He will regret it for the rest of his life because I will tell him what a low life I think he is. It has NEVER been flattering to me for a MM to make suggestions to me. I have always had too much respect for myself and it is an insult to me for some low down MM who wants a little on the side to come sniffing after me. And I would never hide out in a hotel room for no man and keep quiet about it. Nor could I do that to another woman who is innocent.

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I know here we are talking about OM..but I am going to comment about OW....we are still talking about cr^p so I am not going out of subject...
My WH told his first OW that he was done with the M after she told him she will never (right!)get involved with a M man. WH told me that he actively persued her telling her over and over his M was done...
So why didn't she ask him: How come you are still living with Wife?
Even if he replied: well it will take me some time to break it off she should have said...well, you have not yet so never see me or call me again...
BUT HOW can a WH not see that a person who sleeps with a married man is not a good person....? He kept saying that OW was a good person....!!!!
AHHH
They are really all scum of the earth.
Blessing


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Originally Posted By: atena
BUT HOW can a WH not see that a person who sleeps with a married man is not a good person....? He kept saying that OW was a good person....!!!!


The answer is self-preeminence(man or woman).

The standard of their morality is "if it feels good, do it."

Think about it.

Self-centered behavior of a "single" person out to get their "wants" met, not concerned with the how or why, just doing whatever they need to do to get their own self-gratification met. In short, users of people to make their self-satisfying fantasy real. Boundaries? Only those that would keep them from doing whatever they feel like doing. In short, an entitlement mindset.

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Originally Posted By: cobol_girl
[How does a woman even get past the fact that when a MM starts to "pursue" them it is an insult to her character and he's telling her that he thinks that she is cheap


Do you know that some married women consider it a compliment when a man comes on to her? crazy This just astonishes me. She doesn't seem to GET that she has just been gravely insulted. If a man comes on to me and knows I am married, he is not flattering me, he is indicating he thinks I am a cheap ho. Who would find that flattering? crazy


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: peachyisback

But if you're so cheap you'd fall for a few ridiculous phrases from somebody who is wanting you to trade your honor and dignity for a roll in the mud, then you need to get your head examined.



Well said!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I agree with the gall some MM have, what makes them think we are so dump to not see what they are doing as disgusting. Do they really think we don't respect ourselves..........do they really think they are that much of a catch that we would just throw all the good in our lives away for something so distasteful and dishonest.......
Sounds like all the values and qualities we all look for in a man, Yuck!!!!!!


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: cobol_girl
[How does a woman even get past the fact that when a MM starts to "pursue" them it is an insult to her character and he's telling her that he thinks that she is cheap


Do you know that some married women consider it a compliment when a man comes on to her? crazy This just astonishes me. She doesn't seem to GET that she has just been gravely insulted. If a man comes on to me and knows I am married, he is not flattering me, he is indicating he thinks I am a cheap ho. Who would find that flattering? crazy



frown

I don't think of, or see FWW as a "cheap ho." For now, she sees herself that way, for now she feels that way. She allowed herself to be treated that way.

I told her that this is the reason that if I ever see OM again (not likely) I will murder him (ok, maybe not, but I'll damn sure try). He disrespected MY WIFE. And in how he disrespected and insulted HER, he disrespected and insulted ME.

We are one, one unit. Just as her choices and actions affected us both, disrespect and insults toward her address us both. What hurts her, hurts me. This is what marriage is, this is what giving her my love and trust entails.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted By: HeadHeldHigh
He disrespected MY WIFE. And in how he disrespected and insulted HER, he disrespected and insulted ME.


Agree with every word...


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101



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