May I suggest taking the dog out? I walk my dog a lot (but I'm lucky enough to live near a forest) and I think that had been a fantastic therapy for me. I think it's because I feel as though the motion of advancing physically helps me to advance emotionally.
I would start dating when you want to have fun, not because you feel you should. Do things that make you feel better. Spend time with friends, join an evening class, go to cultural events. Enjoy doing things 100% your way, when you meet someone you'll have to compromise again.

Mymissy, go easy on yourself. This has all happened quite quickly. Give yourself some time to heal. If you want to go out on dates, that's okay, just don't put pressure on yourself. You definitely need some time to heal. I have read that about 1 year for every 5 years of marriage is about right.

Go have some fun when you want it.

Thanks guys, you are right though - I think I went out because I felt I had to. I am so not ready for ANYTHING other than an occasional - casual date. Even that feels like to much right now.

How do the Wayturds that have moved in together emotionally stand it????

But to let you know Tully, I do walk the dog, twice a day actually. Your right it is great therapy; I just meant that I prefer the dogs company over that of trying to get to know someone.

And Scotty, I have been maintaining those weekly dinners with the stepkiddos; your absolutely right, they have to have someone consistent and stable in their lives. Even though their are young adults, they have had so much disappointment and chaos from both their parents now. I can't do that to them, I love them like they were my own. I have not brought up the subject of their wayward dad, I don't want them to ever feel as though they would have to choose, that is not fair. Although I am sure that wayward dad and skank do not have anything nice to say about me.

Oh well, I am way off subject; thanks for the advice - I think it is what I already knew. I just needed to hear it.

What a wonderful person you are! Someday someone special will see that too. Those children will thank you for what you are doing for them even if right now they can't even say that without feeling disloyal.

Well....I guess A's, lies, infidelity, and deception are just the gifts that keep on giving.

I have just found out that stupid skank is 5 months pregnant; myself, OWH, and all 3 DstepChildren believe she did it on purpose.

I know the D is final; so why do I feel as though the knife in my heart just got pushed in deeper? And once again I can't seem to breathe.

All of the "BIG" lies wxh has told have come back to bite him in the @$$.
WXH was so relieved when I was unable to have children and had a hysterectomy in my early 30's; stating he was done having children and did not want anymore. He was unwilling to consider adoption.
Now skip forward to fantasyland; we all knew the idiot would never leave the house, so for SS (stupid skank) to leave behind her dream of idiot buying her dream house and moving towards her - he told her some really "BIG" lies. She was unsure of moving her children into his (and mine at the time) house, (behind her H back and an hour and a half away from their daddy). So idiot told her that it was OK, he had always wanted more children but his evil wife (me) would not have any.

WTF!!!!!!
This is a man whose own children will attest to what a non-involved father he was until they were about 16; and that they know he had wanted his 1st XW to not have anymore children after his eldest son was born. I continued to foster a relationship between them all.

So I find it slightly humorous that all the lies he has told have come to actually manifest in a bad way. He has ruined his career and will never move any higher than where his now, he now has an unwanted child on the way, he lost half of everything, he lost the respect of everyone he works with, he lost his friends, he lost his dream job and was placed in a position he hates and has to drive an hour and a half one way to work (instead of the previous 15 min).

Was it all worth it? And why does it hurt me so much now that the D is final? And in spite of all the great things happening in my life, it all feels empty and I just feel sad, lost, and hopeless.
I also know how much I am whining, I can't seem to help it; along with the non-stop tears.

I would like to say that overall I am feeling better today; maybe a little, at least no tears - yet.

I saw this quote from Mitzie on a post to HolyHeart and copied it, It now hangs above my desk at work and I am reminding myself of how true it is; it seems silly that something so simple can help you put perspective on things. Thanks Mitzie.

(((MyMissy)))

I don't even know what to say except that this is a horrible time of year for you to find out about this. Thinking about you.

MM

Have been reading along with your posts all along. YOU ARE AMAZING>

Those Stepchildren are truley blessed to have you in their lives.

COULD THE EVENTS YOU LEARNED OF OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS JUST BE THE THICK BLACK SMOKE BELLOWING OUT OF THE KARMA BUS AS THE DIESEL MOTOR STARTS AND IS WARMING UP??????? COULD THAT BUS BE HEADED SOMEWHERE????

You did all that was in your control at the time to prevent that BUS from starting.

I truley wish You and your family a great Christmas!!!

Nesre

I'm just catching up on your post and WOW -- I can't believe it.
I'm so sorry, Missy. I'm sure the news hit you like a punch to the gut.

And how do we even know if the OC is his? I mean, SS could have been trolling for another sugar daddy and got "lucky." And WH. If he was under stress before, HELLO, welcome to a HUGE dose of stress with a baby on the way.

I mean, fantasy and playing around is one thing but a baby WILL put a huge damper on their relationship. And at his age? WHAT WAS HE THINKING? Yep, SS probably trapped him because that way she'd have money coming in for the next 18 years whether or not he sticks around.

As painful as the quick d was, be glad that at least it's done. My d is going on two years and talk about a waste of time and money.

You are definitely a class act, Missy. Continue to plow ahead in the RIGHT direction and good things will keep happening.

Thanks HH, you, Scotty, Nesre, Pep, and Hope; all with all the other members that have been my MB support have become a lifeline to me. A place to vent where others truly understand the devastation.

And yes, the latest bit of news was a punch in the gut; especially since I did not push for adoption 10 years ago, knowing how much he did not what any more children. I gave up my chance and accepted that I was a good stepmother and a great aunt to my nieces and nephews. I worked really hard for a great life with the blessings that I had in it, not pushing for more.

So, I have managed to make it through holiday #2, I feel pretty good knowing that I survived it when I didn't think I could; only 1 more to go, the really big one since it is also Dday. My emotional state is also much better than it was 3 days ago. I continue to pray for peace in my life and for the good things to keep coming. Eventually I know I will overcome the loneliness as well.

Thanks MB friends, hope everyone has had a blessed Christmas.

It's been a rough ride for you.
But, you're worth it.

Mymissy have limited access to the internet and just catching up. Soon sorry you are going through this. He is a fool. How old is he. Everyone will think he is the grandfather. I agree he might not the father.
Your step children are wonderful and so are you. Hang tight for when. The karma bus hits.

Hey Hope, he is 44, SS just turned 31. And yes he could be mistaken for the grandfather; all three of his children are old enough to have their own children.

I have to say, until HH mentioned he might not be the father I did not really consider this. But using the due date she gave her H, the dates of conception coincide with her moving into the house. She was still working then; and I don't know about anyone else, but I find moving exhausting and sex would be the last thing I would be pushing for.

So, I would not be surprised to find out the OC: 1) is not his 2) she definitely did it on purpose 3) both of those.
I find it hard to believe that after 10 months of affairland and probably not always using protection, that she would become P after some of the chaos was starting to settle down. My other thoughts on this is that wxh was wavering on the marriage thing and saying to SS - "lets just live together for now".

According to OWH he stated that she had told him that she felt it had been a mistake to have their third child, she had a hard time dealing with 3 children and did not want to ever have any more.

My heart breaks for yet another innocent life that will be subject to this mess.
My heart also breaks for the 6 children already involved; all I can do is be there for my DstepKids when that Karma bus explodes.
Sad, really - all of it.

Well I have made it through the last holiday and the anniversary of Dday.
Also, putting 2010 to an end has had an almost symbolic meaning for me.
Today I feel more hopeful than I have in a long time.
Thanks MB support - you all have been a lifeline and sounding board for me.
Happy New Year!!!!!

(((((MyMissy))))))

I am GLAD to hear that you feel better. I feel better too. It might be all of the hope I feel for the world. You keep hearing EVERYWHERE, It's 1/1/11. That means THIS year will be GRAND. Well, I am taking that by the hand and running with it.

You are one AWESOME lady and it is a great honour to know you.

Thanks Scotty, you have been a wonderful inspiration to me and so many others. Keep up your words of advice and don't forget to use them on yourself.

Happy new year...

Glad you feel the symbolism of the new year and a clean slate. 2010 was a rough year for both of us. One day at a time.

Today was a pretty awesome day, DstepKids called me to see if I wanted to meet them for dinner. We had a really nice time, we have been making sure that we get together at least once a week.

How is it that you can go for days feeling optimistic; and then just crash and burn into a tailspin. Today the feelings of sadness, loneliness, and fear are overwhelming. Then the tears come. I am afraid of never finding anyone else and if that should happen, how can you ever fully trust again?

((((((((mymissy)))))))
I wish I could give you a definitive answer, but it just takes time -- and a different timetable for everyone.

I am 2.5 years out from Dday and I still have some really low days, but not entire days anymore.

Good days are really good; whereas before good days were only non-crying days!

You will get there! I was told the same by vets and I had a hard time believing it, but I can see what they are talking about now.