|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
bliss...that wasn't nice and you didn't need to go there.
People can change.
People can change their minds and points of view given experience.
You of all people, should be able to attest to this....or else, you wouldn't have a happy marriage...now would you? Rush, I'll be the first one in line to applaud you if you've really gotten on board with the wisdom of exposure. (btw, I wasn't being mean. You don't want to see me mean.  )
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[(btw, I wasn't being mean. You don't want to see me mean. ) she is a badass!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Hey, I apologized to that Marine for making him cry, didn't I?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126 |
So I sent an email to OM today title of "Leave my wife alone" Not as long as I started here. Much more "to the point" and direct. I don't have contact info for his wife. I know they live in our state, but not sure what city, and they have a pretty darn common name :P So I am trying to friend her on FB...see how he likes it 
FWH 36 EA/PA NC & D-day 12/21/10
FWW 36 EA / NC & D-day 12/8/10
Married: 12+ years
Together: 17+
Kids: x3
Working together to be better than ever!
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All of the sacrifice in vain
And if love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126 |
Rush, I'll be the first one in line to applaud you if you've really gotten on board with the wisdom of exposure. (btw, I wasn't being mean. You don't want to see me mean. ) Hold your right hand up in front of you. Hold your left hand up in front of you. Slap them together loudly. Repeat a couple of times. I am trying. Its all I can do. We'll see what happens.
FWH 36 EA/PA NC & D-day 12/21/10
FWW 36 EA / NC & D-day 12/8/10
Married: 12+ years
Together: 17+
Kids: x3
Working together to be better than ever!
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All of the sacrifice in vain
And if love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
I don't have contact info for his wife. A little elbow grease ought to do the trick. A few things you can do: Google her name. If you don't know her first name: Google him and see if it brings up any bio info. Go to www.intelius.com and type in his name. This site brings up associated names. See what you get. If there's an associated woman's name and she's relatively close in age, that's probably her. www.spokeo.com www.pipl.comFB is good as well. www.whitepages.com Type in OM's name to get his physical address. Then type in his last name and city and see what comes up. If there's a woman's name or just a first initial at the same address, that's probably your girl.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 138
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 138 |
I would contact the OMW FIRST before you have a chat with the OM. THEN you can confront the OM. And don't forewarn your wife. Mel, Rush doesn't think it's his responsibility to expose the A. (Remember Picking Up Pieces? Not to bring up a locked thread  )  Hey, I wasn't even the one that got my thread locked! And if it wasn't locked, everyone would know that we DID tell the children!! But I can't tell you about that because my thread got locked!!  Anyway, yes you most definitely SHOULD EXPOSE to OMW. She has a right to know.
Me:44 BS
H:45 FWS
Married 22 yrs
Together 27 yrs
3 children: 14, 12, 9
EA then PA: Oct '09 - Aug '10
DDay: 8/20/10
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126 |
Hey Bliss...guess what? OMW accepted my friend request on Facebook. Now...what to say...*ponder* "Are you a friend of my husband's? I don't seem to remember you."
No, I am not really a friend of your husband's.
I didn't know who your husband was until November 17th, 2010.
This is not the kind of conversation that I normally have with people, so I am not really sure how to go about this....
I'm sorry to have to tell you all of this, and to cause you any pain that may happen.....but honesty is always the best policy I am learning.
Your husband, was (up until recently) friends with my wife, through Facebook.
She used to be an old high school girlfriend of his.
The story he told my wife is that he was searching for a different ex-girlfriend of his who also happened to be named (name), and my wife's name just happened to come up.
Well, he and her got to talking and catching up and the subject turned to each others marriages.
From the way he talked to my wife, yours is not in the best shape.
I am very sorry to hear that....I can relate.
At least....that is how he made it sound to my wife...talking of separation, impending divorce, constant fights...lots of negative things.
My wife and I were not in the best of places either at the time they were talking. Her boundaries were not as strong as normal due to our strained marriage, and conversations happened where lines were crossed...often initiated by your husband, but participated in by my wife.
However, through a lot of honesty and open communication....she and I are much, much better and continuing to get better every day.
One of the biggest things which has helped us get to this point is her stopping contact with OM.
She had been talking to him more than she had been talking to me, which was a huge barrier to our communication.
She told him on December 9th to leave her alone and give us time to work through our marriage issues.
He then emailed her and messaged her several times since then, all of which she has ignored.
Heck, he emailed her on the 13th of December---just 4 days after she asked him to leave her alone!!
Recently, he attempted to "Friend" her on Facebook again.
She messaged him that it was not a good idea, and blocked him again.
I also sent him a message today specifically telling him to leave my wife alone, to not contact her anymore---ever.
Upon the advice of many experienced people who have gone through marriage rebuilding, I was told to reach out to you for your help in stopping your husband from trying to contact my wife.
My wife agrees with me that contact from him is "unhealthy" for our marriage.
I don't know the true state of your marriage, just what he has said to her.
But whatever state it is in, him communicating with my wife is also not healthy for your marriage.
I don't know if my wife was the only ex that he happened to find...there may have been others.
Again, I am sorry to have to bring this to your attention, but he needs to stop contacting my wife.
I don't know if he values your opinion or not, as he once told my wife that he would still chat with her even if he was sitting across from you while at home...that he had "gotten that look" from you before.
Last edited by Rush_2112; 01/13/11 02:47 PM.
FWH 36 EA/PA NC & D-day 12/21/10
FWW 36 EA / NC & D-day 12/8/10
Married: 12+ years
Together: 17+
Kids: x3
Working together to be better than ever!
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All of the sacrifice in vain
And if love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Hey, I wasn't even the one that got my thread locked!
And if it wasn't locked, everyone would know that we DID tell the children!!
But I can't tell you about that because my thread got locked!!
Anyway, yes you most definitely SHOULD EXPOSE to OMW. She has a right to know. PUP, that's good news! Why don't you start a new thread and update everybody - I'm sure I'm not the only one who was wondering how you're doing.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Hey Bliss...guess what?
OMW accepted my friend request on Facebook.
Now...what to say...*ponder*
"Are you a friend of my husband's? I don't seem to remember you." Bwahahahahaha....this is great! You know, Rush, I originally had you figured for a drive-by poster who just wanted to get on the threads to be annoying and create disruption. I think I had you figured wrong!  (Two hands are together! ) Well, well, well. You've got the intel. You need to post a personal message to her - but NOT on her wall. Post it as a personal one. And you'll want to do this quickly - she's going to ask her H who you are. Hang on, there's a FB exposure letter around here...
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126 |
I actually got her email addresses from her FB profile...which is one of the things I was after.
I wasn't going to send her a FB message, was going to do it via email.
And honestly....I don't care if she asks him who I am. Let the [censored] squirm...see how he feels knowing his wife is friends with me!
The one thing that I am really truly afraid of, bliss is this:
Will telling her of the EA encourage OM to contact my wife again and say "Your effing husband did this to me?!" and keep him trying to contact/harass her (or me, even).
My wife and I are in a really, really "good" place right now...my head, heart, and gut all are in alignment and are telling me things are going very well. And no, I'm not just talking myself into it. She is meeting most of my EN's each day...even without knowing 100% what they all are (since we haven't gone over them yet together).
She is showing huge amounts of affection. She is showing me admiration. She is conversing with me. We've done almost 6 hrs of UA time in 2 days and had loads of fun doing it.
She's been trying, and so have I.
And now, I find in my life, is about the time I go and do something STUPID and F-things up.
Its been a recurring pattern in my life....SERIOUSLY.
I always seem to sabotage myself and set things back when things are going good and I should just leave well enough alone.
Know what I mean? Do you know anyone like that? That they always seem to "curse" themselves somehow by doing something wrong at the wrong time?
Yeah, thats me :P
To be honest....I am still very much afraid that me exposing to OMW is going to prompt retaliation from either him, or perhaps even her. My wife described her as being quite "psycho" when she knew her....and from the sounds of it, that hasn't changed.
FWH 36 EA/PA NC & D-day 12/21/10
FWW 36 EA / NC & D-day 12/8/10
Married: 12+ years
Together: 17+
Kids: x3
Working together to be better than ever!
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All of the sacrifice in vain
And if love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Here you go, Rush, tweak accordingly: Dear JoeScumbag's Poor Clueless Wife,
It grieves me to write this letter but I believe you should be aware that my WW has confessed to having a very emotional affair with your husband, Joe. This affair took place from fill in approximate dates. I have evidence of their involvement if you wish further proof.
My wife has ended this affair with your husband and wishes no further contact with him.
Joe has since attempted to contact my WW in order to resume the A.
I would ask that you use your influence with Joe to persuade him to stop contacting my wife and disrupting our marriage. I am also sending this to you because I feel you have the right to know about the reality of your marriage to Joe.
If you wish to discuss this further, please don't hesitate to contact me at this email address or by calling me at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
Sincerely,
Rush, Champion of Marriages Heck YEAH, you want him to know you've sent this! Right now he's playing you for a wussed-out fool! I wish I had a nickel for every betrayed spouse a wayward has said is psycho, and they weren't. Man would I be rich! You shouldn't be worried about OM retaliating against you for not hiding his dirty little secret! HE should be worried about YOU! As far as contacting your WW, make sure you've buttoned up any NC areas so he can't get through. Shut down FB. Switch cell phones for a few days just in case he gets the wise idea to call her - what a riot that'll be, when YOU answer the phone! Then change her cell phone number. Take inventory: what else is open for a breech of NC?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126 |
The only way that they were in contact was FB and email.
He never had her cel# and she never had his, so there was no phone contact or texting.
I could go in and setup a filter in her gmail...have the message either sent to me and deleted, or just simply deleted.
Although, problem with that is that I'd have to go in and empty her trash frequently...she doesn't do that enough (lol) which was good for me, actually.
I did confirm the psycho-ness through a friend of mine that knows her/them...and who knew of her in school too. This friend isn't a friend of my wife's, so there's no "contamination" there.
FWH 36 EA/PA NC & D-day 12/21/10
FWW 36 EA / NC & D-day 12/8/10
Married: 12+ years
Together: 17+
Kids: x3
Working together to be better than ever!
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All of the sacrifice in vain
And if love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Even better. Less work to do. Shut down that worthless, trouble-making scourge called facebook. Shut down her email account and open a new one.
Regardless of BW's 'psycho-ness' you need to expose. Don't be blackmailed into someone's definition of her mental state. The only way I'd buy that is if I googled her name and it showed pending or past convictions for arson and murder.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 138
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 138 |
MB,
I'll add to to my original thread soon. Don't have a lot of time to update it right now.
Thanks for thinking of us.
I don't want to threadjack!
Last edited by Pickinguppieces; 01/13/11 04:34 PM.
Me:44 BS
H:45 FWS
Married 22 yrs
Together 27 yrs
3 children: 14, 12, 9
EA then PA: Oct '09 - Aug '10
DDay: 8/20/10
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 138
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 138 |
Great job, Rush!
Good for you!
Me:44 BS
H:45 FWS
Married 22 yrs
Together 27 yrs
3 children: 14, 12, 9
EA then PA: Oct '09 - Aug '10
DDay: 8/20/10
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 126 |
No worries, PuP....I didn't mean to jack your thread, just had asked a question...and then everyone else spiraled it down from there 
FWH 36 EA/PA NC & D-day 12/21/10
FWW 36 EA / NC & D-day 12/8/10
Married: 12+ years
Together: 17+
Kids: x3
Working together to be better than ever!
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All of the sacrifice in vain
And if love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 138
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 138 |
No worries, PuP....I didn't mean to jack your thread, just had asked a question...and then everyone else spiraled it down from there No worries here either, Rush! You weren't the one who jacked my thread.  I hope it works out for you.
Me:44 BS
H:45 FWS
Married 22 yrs
Together 27 yrs
3 children: 14, 12, 9
EA then PA: Oct '09 - Aug '10
DDay: 8/20/10
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
649
guests, and
67
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
