today is our 5 year anniversary. and probably the day WH goes to his lawyer to file D. H didnt join me at our counseling session last night, but asked what was the counselor said. which i told him we talked alot about being assertive and not aggressive and how not to give up control over my choices. H wanted to know "how does that help get my guns back?" (i took the guns to my dads when i put out an order of protection on him, and my dad wont give them back, but i dont blame him in the least) i told him what the counslor said about the guns, which was siding with safety and he agreed with my dad. of course this pissed H off even more. he said, "what would you do if my mom had your wedding ring and wont give it to you because she feels you are not working on this marriage?" i said, "i would do my best to prove to your mom that i am trying to fix this marriage" obviosuly not the answer he was looking for, he wanted me to call the police on my dad and say he wont return "our" property. (yes he paid for them, but they are registered under my name because he has no gun rights) Anyway, his next response was "When i file for D, im gonna put the reason is that you dont feel safe, the lawyer is already paid for anyway." to which i responded, "if we are getting divorced then why are you talking to me?" then he got up and stormed out pointing fingers saying "you just put the nail in the coffin...no, you did it before, you triggered it by getting the papers first." (yes, i did p/u the D packet when at the beginning of december he said he was done, and my thought was ok you are done so there is nothing left for me to do). anyway, i left a note on the counter saying that if D was his answer, it was his decision.(***No, you pulled the trigger picking up the paperwork) not mine. it is not the answer for me so it is not my choice (***Yeah, you did it first) and my answer was to continue counseling (only had 2 sessions together) and to learn to respect, not make demands (***then im talking to OW cause that was a demand) and stop blaming.

So what is his game plan? he text me this monring to let me know of his "***notes" i have not responded, he doesnt deserve a response. so is this really over? or his he still just trying to manipulate and control me? i know a lot of it is the latter and im not playing that game anymore, so now what?

Tell him he can have an ATV, a sports car or anything else he wants otherwise - as long as you ALL feel safe. You've got kids.

I shoot trap recreationally and would not take this personal at all.

You're not doing anything wrong. (I understand in US you have a right to firearms, but does not change anything - safety first)

I don't remember a wedding ring killing an entire family.

Is the OP still in place?

haha clark. H has pointed out he doesnt need a gun to hurt me anyway, nothing is stopping him from getting a kitchen knife. sadly, he said this the evening of the day the order of protection came off. as soon as it was off, he became the control freak again. now saying he is no longer going to do anything "my" way and it is all "his" way now, and that he will do nothing at all until the guns come back.

That scares me. What does he need the guns for so desperately?!
And yes, he doesn't need the guns to hurt you, they are just more impersonal and easier to use from a distance...

@L2L -

You need to get a VAR.


You need to get another OP.

You are playing with fire here.

what is a VAR

A voice-activated recorder. Available at Radio Shack and Walmart. Digital is best, because the tape can be heard on a cassette tape model.

OH, and I'd make sure I wasn't anywhere near him. I'd take the kitchen knife remark as a threat. You need another OP.

Voice Activated Recorder. Keep it hidden and on your person. You need proof of his unstable comments.

I don't get it. Is the court no longer supervising him in any way? When the RO came off, wasn't something put into place to follow up on a person who has been identified as having some anger issues toward certain other people?

nope, once its off its off. if something happens i can call the police

You should call the police, then.

"My husband had a Restraining Order on him that recently lifted. The day that the order was lifted, he verbally threatened that he could use a knife to harm me if he chose to do so."

A verbal threat of that nature is supposed to be, in the eyes of the law, the same as a physical threat.

When are you going to remove yourself and your kids from this ongoing threat, L2L?

My state's assault law:

An assault as defined in this section is a general intent crime. A person commits an assault when, without justification, the person does any of the following:

1. Any act which is intended to cause pain or injury to, or which is intended to result in physical contact which will be insulting or offensive to another, coupled with the apparent ability to execute the act.

2. Any act which is intended to place another in fear of immediate physical contact which will be painful, injurious, insulting, or offensive, coupled with the apparent ability to execute the act.

3. Intentionally points any firearm toward another, or displays in a threatening manner any dangerous weapon toward another.

i think an actual altercation has to occur and you have to call the police right then...and there is no way i will be able to do that with him here. i dont know if they will issue another OP in such short amount of time seeing as it was just lifted on wednesday. i wish you guys could see the stuff he texts me, its craziness. this morning after i posted originally, he send a message "do you want to go out tonight?" REALLY? why so you can kill me without our children seeing?? i told him the only place i want to go with him is to counseling. and when i lay the truth about some things he says, he can only come back with "whatever" why? because you cant argue against truth. well you can, but you look like a lunatic.

Or not, depending on the 'somethingness' of the happening.

Get another PO/RO with or without VR, and MOVE. Flee, girl.

true. is it weird for me to say i am scared to do it again? is this a marriage that cant be saved? everybody is telling me to walk away, and i have a hard time accepting divorce as the answer. and it isn't because im afraid of being on my own, its more of a religious aspect you know?

as i see a police car drive by my front window...yes, i want to flee

Thinking isn't doing anything, get with magistrate and have an order back in place, tell them you are SCARED FOR YOUR LIFE. Tell them you have alerted all of your friends and family that you are scared of him and asking for legal protection. They'll re-institute an RO.

STOP THINKING. Start doing. Flee. Then every time he texts, calls, or shows up, have his azz thrown in jail.