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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 5 |
HI can anybody help me here?
my husband and i have been married for 10 yrs and dont have any children
my husband has a child with the other woman who is married and has two other children with her husband ..she is living with her husband and yet setween me and the child..he says she is divorced with him. this third child she claims is my husbands and he too says this...now the problem is her husband is living with her and takes good care of the child and he has no problem with my husband giong to see the child..how can any husband tolerate the OM come home and e absolutely fine with this..
I have asked my husband to stop seeing the child but he does not agree to this...he cannot make a choice bt me and the child...but if he sees the child he sees the OW too...which i dont want..coz unless he will not stop seeing her he cannot be mine completely...i really dont know what to do? I live in a joint family and every member of my family sees the child very often inspite of me telling them not too do so.. And they all lie to me..but I know they all keep seeing the child and even call the child and her mother home in my absence...I cannot stop anybody ... i have no support from my maternal family as well..
i feel so depressed. I DONT WANT TO LEAVE MY HUSBAND AS I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. AT THE SAME TIME I CANNOT TOLERATE ALL THIS EITHER..
Also I live in a foreign country and have no legal rights here...
and also m husband runs a business..so there is no way he will leave this city.. what do i do pls suggest..i want him to cut out with this OW.. I DONT WANT TO BREAK MY MARRIAGE
Last edited by Ariel; 01/12/11 04:27 PM. Reason: Changing thread title
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Also I live in a foreign country and have no legal rights here... What country? Of what country are you a citizen?
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I DONT WANT TO BREAK MY MARRIAGE You did not break your marriage. Your husband already did that. You really do not have a marriage. Your H has no respect or empathy for you. Your H is willing to see you suffer as long as he gets what he wants.
It is entirely possible that your H will have future OC with this OW or with others. Your marriage is BROKEN already.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Posts: 35,996 |
Nevermind ...
THANKS Mods.
I was corn-fuzzed.
Last edited by Pepperband; 01/12/11 08:47 PM.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Pep, this was moved from another thread. I think the OP's thread title went with it...
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 298
Administrator Member
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Administrator Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 298 |
The thread title has been changed for clarity.
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 5 |
Well I am an Indian. And live in a foreign country. my husband is a foreign national. the OW IS OF LOCAL ORIGIN. and she has big contacts here. I wante some settlement . but i dont know what to do. I even tried to get the child home as everybody suggested and my hubby too wanted me to adopt this child. but th OW came too and tried to take my place in one of the religious ceremonies we had at Home. after that I have refused to adopt this child. Also i dont want to leave my husband.what should i do? my husband does not want to leave me too. he still wants to live with me. but he says he cannot stop seeing the child as she is his only child..pls help.
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 244
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first and foremost, do u have DNA proof that this child is your H's? secondly, dr Harley recommends no contact with the OC until the child is 18 and NEVER contact with the OW. period.
Me: BS age 35 POS-eX-the SORRIEST, CRUELEST, LOWLY WAYWARD SCUMBAG out there Married 14.5 years, together almost 16 DDay: 7-5-09 OC born: 7-23-09 no COM: tried 6 years  D filed 5/05/2011 D final 11/10/11 I was gaslighted for 2 years. "You were not built for a safe story. Take risks and feel what it is like to actually be brave. It's worth it." Carlos Whittaker
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 5 |
No I dont have a DNA proof that the child is my husbands...I live in a small country...I dont have the facility of DNA TEST here...we need to take the samples to the neighbouring country or take my hubby and child there for the DNA..
This I cannot do alone..I need family support.. which I am not getting........and hubby and I have a fight if I mention anything like this... or anything abt not seeing the child...so I have given up on the DNA for now... the child is 19 months now..
Secondly the no contact with the OC AND OW is not possible in my case ..As the OW lives just 1 Km away from my husbands shop..
and plus they have businees relations too....so no way they will stop contact completely........sp becoz child is with her...and it is my husbands only child. at least this is what she says...
she knows my hubby loves the child and will see her surely...she is madly in love with my husband..thats what she says..........i dont know what to do I am so confused...pls help me somehow
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 244
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Posts: 244 |
you can get a DNA test online and do everything via mail. that's what we did.
sadly I am not hopeful for the survival of your marriage due to the fact that your H is not willing to get DNA proof nor is he willing to go complete NC with OW. Sorry. Unless those things happen I wouldn't expect a positive turnout.
Me: BS age 35 POS-eX-the SORRIEST, CRUELEST, LOWLY WAYWARD SCUMBAG out there Married 14.5 years, together almost 16 DDay: 7-5-09 OC born: 7-23-09 no COM: tried 6 years D filed 5/05/2011 D final 11/10/11 I was gaslighted for 2 years. "You were not built for a safe story. Take risks and feel what it is like to actually be brave. It's worth it." Carlos Whittaker
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Posts: 35,996 |
Divorce him.
They will probably produce OC # 2.
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 5 |
Is it possible to have a DNA test with the hair sample.. with what else can we have a DNA other than the blood sample..
How accurate are home DNA kits..do u know ? can u give me the details..maybe then i can try home DNA...with the help of my family......can u give me some information and r they accurate?This very imp. first...As the OW lives with her husband...Can U TELL ME HOW is it possible the OW's husband is fathering the OC well and has NO PROBLEM with my husband and his family visiting the child..PLUS the OW says she is divorced with her husband but lives with him because of her two children...........but at the same time they attend every marriage every party together....plus they all even go for holidays together i dont understand
Last edited by puppy; 01/24/11 04:05 AM.
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 244
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Posts: 244 |
The test costs about $100 and you swab the cheek of OC and your WH. Unfortunately the test is accurate. And take Pep's advice. If your WH is not willing to go NC and rebuild with you, let him go.
Me: BS age 35 POS-eX-the SORRIEST, CRUELEST, LOWLY WAYWARD SCUMBAG out there Married 14.5 years, together almost 16 DDay: 7-5-09 OC born: 7-23-09 no COM: tried 6 years D filed 5/05/2011 D final 11/10/11 I was gaslighted for 2 years. "You were not built for a safe story. Take risks and feel what it is like to actually be brave. It's worth it." Carlos Whittaker
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Is it possible to have a DNA test with the hair sample.. with what else can we have a DNA other than the blood sample..
How accurate are home DNA kits..do u know ? can u give me the details..maybe then i can try home DNA...with the help of my family......can u give me some information and r they accurate?This very imp. first...As the OW lives with her husband...Can U TELL ME HOW is it possible the OW's husband is fathering the OC well and has NO PROBLEM with my husband and his family visiting the child..PLUS the OW says she is divorced with her husband but lives with him because of her two children...........but at the same time they attend every marriage every party together....plus they all even go for holidays together i dont understand Yes, you can get DNA from a hair sample. It's been a few years since I had my tests done, but I think you can also get DNA from a cigarette butt, used tissues, underwear, semen, a plastic cup - there are a lot more. puppy, google 'dna test' and see what comes up. I took two dna tests (confirming parentage and nationality). They are very accurate. You can call any of the companies that you've googled. They'll tell you what they can test.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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