I was reading on your thread, and read that the OW had told your H that "their child may be the ONLY one he would ever have because you couldn't give him one."
A similar thing happened to me. OW had told H that he would never had a child with me... and I wasn't worth staying with because of my infertility problems.
She even went so far as to tell the caseworker for DCS(during our inital custody fight stuff) that I had been turned down for an adoption because of mental illness and that I had been hospitalized for said illness... But when she was confronted in a "conference" by the Guardian ad litem, she said that H had told her that I was in a depression. To which H said that I had gone through a miscarriage. The GAL said, "Anyone would be depressed after that! BUT that is a far cry from being hospitalized or denied an adoption!!!"

Now that I am going to have a baby, she has been totally different towards us... strange... expecting an axe to fall any day...

I would like to talk with you further, if you'd like... Just let me know here... and I will post my addy...

Dear Stacia,

I am sorry ... I missed your message when I signed on the other day. Just saw it now!

I must say that your situation has given me hope. I am sooooo happy for you and Mr. Lee!!
I think the OC situation is even more difficult to bear (if you can believe anything can get more difficult) when there are infertility problems involved. You see that little baby that you know in your heart should have been the baby YOU shared with your H and there is such sadness.

The saddest thing of all is that we had bonded with the OC and were becoming our own little family. Maybe that was part of the problem because it seemed that the ex-OW became more aggressive as H and I got closer to each other and the child.

I can easily believe that your H's ex-OW said those awful things about you. The ex-OW in my life has also said some unbelievably horrible and cruel things. But, I actually understand why she has done the things that she has done.

She was deceived too. My H told her so many lies -- he made the woman believe that our marriage was a foot away from divorce and that she was the only person who truly understood him and could make him happy. He was living in a complete fantasy and telling her lies about everything -- right down to the type of work he did! So, she thought that there would be a happily ever after story for her.

I have forgiven them both for what they did before I found out. But, I find it difficult to forgive the OW for the things she has done since he told her clearly that he made a mistake and he never had any intention of breaking up his marriage. He could have just as easily left me -- there are no children to hold him. But he didn't and she has been highlighting the infertility ever since.

What hurt me most at first, was that he actually shared with her MY medical history and problems with infertility. I felt that was something private between us and I also felt very violated that this stranger who was sleeping with my H had so much information about me and my life.

I would be happy to e-mail you as long as it would not stress you out too much. You have your baby to think about now and I don't want to dredge up old hurts for you.

I guess the ex-OW in your life feels that now you and your H will be having a baby, her baby will take a backseat. Listening to you talk about the OC on this board, I doubt that will happen. You will probably have a much more special feeling toward your child, but I don't think you will stop loving and taking care of the OC.

If things had been different for me and my H, I would have been glad to have a brother or sister for our OC but it would not have stopped me from loving her.

Thanks for writing to me. It's a tough road as you know and I am glad that you are willing to share what you have learned about this experience coupled with the infertility problems.

marie

Marie,
I don't mind discussing these issues.
I have come a long way since Dday and I don't stress out over the "early days" like I used to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I want to be able to help... as so many have helped me here... so if you feel comfortable enough, email me at ***REMOVED***

I will say this.. Be forewarned... I can type up some pretty big novellas.. LOL.. as Mr Lee is fond of calling my posts and emails...

(hugs)
Stacia

<small>[ July 18, 2003, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>

Dear Stacia,

got your e-mail address and I will e-mail you over the weekend. Thanks!

marie

Hi...I am Happy I am on marriage builders...I think u seem to have gone through a similar situation as me...u can surely understand my problem...can u let me know more abt yourself and how r things with u now.....pls help..