As I predicted would happen, the OW made another unannounced appearance where my husband was working. The first time she showed up where he was working was to �hand-deliver� a letter and pictures of OC about a month after she was born, b/c she didn�t know of any other way to get these items to him (Does she think we are stupid??). Our DS was with him the first time, so she handed him the envelope and left. This time, however, she occupied the table closest to the stage (my WH is a singer in a band) most of the night with another woman. At one point, she interrupted a song to ask question whether or not he was going to buy �his baby mama and her friend a drink�. My WH called me asap on his first break to tell me OW was there. He told her he was not going to talk to her there. At the end of the night, with me on the other end of the phone with him, she followed him out to the pkg lot, yelling and cussing basically about herself and not really about OC. My WH told her several times that he was not going to talk with her without me present and continued to walk away. She responded with �Your not walking away from me, your walking away from OC�. This was followed with an email sent to his FB (we have an email setup where we were communicating with her at the beginning OC�s life to discuss DNA, possible mtg OC, etc.) The letter went on and on about how she didn�t know he was going to be there, lying about what actually transpired that night (part of which I heard as I was on the other end of the phone), how God was giving WH a second chance to meet OC, how WH didn�t have the balls to stick up for OC, etc. (We have offered up CS as soon as DNA results came back, but OW continues to say she wants �nothing� and that OC�s �personal matters are noyb�. So, we are setting aside $ on our own at this point.) Needless to say my WH was a mess after these encounters. He has tremendous remorse and guilt over the A and OC. He has also been struggling with C vs NC with OC from the beginning. His own lack contact with his bio-Dad for most of his life makes it extra difficult. We have been trying to figure out what is best for us, our COM, and even OC, as far as C vs NC and wanting to follow the POJA. I feel like we have taken a huge step back, that I have taken a huge step back. It feels like we are stuck and unable to enthusiastically agree with what steps should happen next. Not sure if I am looking for support or advice, or both, from others in similar situations, anything would be appreciated�.

Refusing to get DNA test means thar the OW is not sure who the OC's dad is. Or OW knows for sure WH is not the dad.

Until she gets a DNA test, and I would not push her to get one, I think you and your WH need to get a restraining order to keep her NC.

NT09- I understand your pain. NC is the way to go in my opinion. It is the only way I think the marriage can truly heal from all of this. You also have to think about your children. Does daddy want to explain this to a 5 and 2 year old? maybe down the line things will be better and you can address N or NC but for now the marriage needs time to heal or else the OW and OC will continue to be a constant reminder of betrayal. You will get through this one day at a time. i am almost 1 year post DDAY and it feels like it just happened yesterday. I'm still trying to rap my hands around the betrayal. Feel free to read my story.
Be encouraged!

NOt only does the OW not know for sure who the biological father is. She has just proven to you the drama she would bring into the lives of your COM, you the BS, and your WH. Set aside some funds. Remain NC, have a restraining order against her if she is following around to clubs interfering with his work. Get ready for her to prove DNA that your WH is REALLY the father of her OC. and if she starts to pursue your WH for paternity, file for CS from you WH to protect your COM first.

Thanks for all of your responses. DNA has already been proven, it was the first thing WH and I requested after the pictures, etc., were given to WH about a month after OC's birth (my MIL collected the samples). Sorry for the confusion. I started the case for CS for our COM, but in my state you have to be separated and not living in the same residence. The case kept getting delayed by the courts and I ended up dropping it. I really struggled with the fact that WH and I were not living apart and that this whole mess we are in was b/c of lies that had been told by WH and OW. How could I and WH then lie to the courts/judge? If our situation changes, I won't hesitate to re-open our case. OW, has yet to file - at this point most of what she has said/written has been all about her and very little about OC...

Was it court ordered DNA? If not, she still will have to get court ordered DNA in order to file. File a restraining order against her and tell your FWH that this tiny bit of drama is NOTHING compared to what she will bring into your lives with C.

FF, DNA was not court ordered. I agree with you about the drama. OW insists that if there is any visitation that she must be present. Also, the last thing OW yelled at FWH in the pkg lot was that FWH could see OC but that I could not. My FWH replied to her that this was not how things were going to work as he got in his car and drove away...

This is why everything MUST go through the court system. If she didn't want you having contact with her child, she never should have had a child with YOUR spouse. Idiots. The courts will decide visitation if you want to pursue it. SHE does not control it, but she can whine and complain and she will. If you don't want visitation then get a restraining order. Even if court ordered DNA proves that her child is your WH's she doesn't have a right to show up and harass him at his employment.

Fled