Ouch. Thank you SC (one more time)

Well ok, Ireland. What a hair ball. Although Ireland does recognize divorces done in the UK, Wales, etc., which seem less draconian.

Four years out of five. Long time. The good news for her is that support is for life. I read some interesting things on that front in the available articles after a web search. That doesn't mean her rights are enforceable if he is in another country's jurisdiction. That too is a hair ball and if the guy gets big money later on in life, she can go for her share.

Advice from an Irish solicitor is the best route and after reviewing her thread, I think I saw where she had done so.

Which leads me back to him gas lighting her and his manipulation. Yuck!

Larry

I spoke to a lawyer last year - basically you have to be separated one year before you can file for "legal separation". This one year is up in the middle of June. If I would have been able to proof adultery which I can't I could have filed for "legal separation" straight away.
You have to be separated for 4 years - only then you can file for divorce - at the start I thought it was a bad thing but now I am thinking it's a "blesssing in disguise" - at least I don't have to see WH get married again soon - by the time the divorce comes around I should be completely healed.
I am not even sure if I should file for legal separation but I will speak to my lawyer about that in June.
In regards to the holiday it�s not even that I want to stop him from introducing someone else � I don�t think I can stop that � having said that � I would like to know in advance so I can speak to the kids.
The reason he is gaslighting me � I don�t think it�s a financial reason � it has a lot to with his image I think � he is always right � at home, at work � always was. He can�t take any responsibility for anything, ever.

Larry, I covered that topic as well - WH has to be resident for one year in the UK without break and can then file for divorce in the UK. That would be the only way to go around the 5 years.

If he tries to get around the UK system and just pretend that he is living over there I was told by a UK lawyer inform the courts about that

Larry, I didn't know about the support for life - that's good news.

Oh, there is more. You are entitled to part of his pension and retirement funds. The list goes on and on of what you can get and that is not a bad thing from your perspective.

I don't know a heckofa lot about Irish divorce other than it is a serious hair ball and very, very difficult. I do note that it is to your serious ADVANTAGE if you can prove adultery. I would bet that is a very easy task if you can find the funds to hire a private investigator in the UK. Your solicitor is the best one to ask about that.

And I don't think I would wait until June. Have your stuff all lined up before then and strike on the first day so you don't find yourself in a defensive mode. Filing for legal separation in Ireland seems to present you with better options than waiting for him to file for divorce in UK. At least that is what I think I see from reading divorce laws in both places.

After reading your thread, I have come to the conclusion that you might very well be dealing with a serial adulterer. That is just my off the wall feeling, one that matches your own.

All the best.

Larry

Thanks a lot Larry for taking time to respond - adultery in Ireland means cheating before the separation date(which doesn't have to be legal separation) and that was last June - there is no PI in the world who can find out things which happened in the past and believe me I have tried to hire one - not a hope - they won't touch the case. Not here and not in Hungary or Germany where he was once was also.

And yes the "Serial Adulterer" possibility I have strongly considered also.

Too many red flags for one man and one marriage.

Actually I don't know if I told about this one before - WH was in the UK 2006-2007 - every time he switched country he also switched phone numbers - he gave his old phone to our oldest DS without the SIM - a few months later DS tells me that he found a picture of a naked woman - only the body, without head and deleted it. I confronted WH over the phone as he was already in Hungary at the time (2008) and he told me it was a Gallery Pic which came with the phone - funnily enough he told me much later that he got the phone of the same mate who sent the text messages in 2004 off his phone and he had left the pic on it.
Anyway I asked my son afterwards - he was 10 at the time - and he said it was a pic like you or me would take - a normal snapshot and that the woman was not me...

How is that for a story

Case closed. He is what he is. I feel your pain.

Larry

I think it would be great to have those SIM cards but I don't know where they are

Hey BS4U I just caught up on your thread. Glad to hear you are getting by well and all these guys giving great advice.

Good to hear from you

Hi sortedsomeout,
yes I am feeling much better - I am still having bad days but they are getting fewer - I am taking a vacation with my kids together with a friend and her son in August - looking forward to it - contact with WH is sporadic - he doesn't answer any texts anymore either since about 2 weeks - even if it's a question about the kids - he still calls them every week but his relationship with my youngest is getting worse - they just have nothing to say to each other most of the time - my son is hurt and helpless, I can feel that - I am getting a lot of hugs and kisses lately.

My oldest on the other hand is thriving - he seems to take everything much easier - he went to his first " Teenage Disco" on Friday night.

Hi everyone, just need a hug I guess

WH is in the country - he rang me this morning to ask me if his family could take the kids on a trip to the next bigger town - my youngest had already a playdate planned with his best friend so I said no - I didn't want to cancel it as WH took the kids shopping on X-mas Eve and they didn't enjoy it at all.Anyway we agreed he would stop by after to give the kids the presents he had bought them abroad and so he did.
he will also be here tomorrow afternoon.

And his family stayed in the car (mum, dad, brother , sister)- didn't even come in to say hello or to wish happy easter - I feel like an outcast. I don't know if it was a reaction to me saying no but am hurt anyway...

I am just done to change my plans every time WH walks through the door...

Hi everyone - wasn't around for a few months - am off for 1 full week from work - spending time with my boys

STBXH is keeping a low profile - he was here for my youngest communion but unfortunately since then (middle of May) the weekly phone call to his kids has stopped - they have called him twice since and have talked to him after I finished a conversation with him but no direct phone call to them since almost 2 months.

He left Hungary as he has no work over there for the summer and is now on an island - he suggested 3 weeks ago that his sister could bring the kids over to him for a weeks holidays - which is fine by me - any contact is good for them - he is now working on the arramgements.

And then I got another phone call last week of him that the visit of the boys might collide 1-2 days with the visit of his new girlfriend to the island - yes you heard correctly - he is actually admitting there is someone else - and of course nosey as I am - I asked who she is and how long they are dating - he says a few months and he doesn't want to say who she is - because of all my snooping last year

Hi everyone,

Wanted to check in to give an update on my situation: Basically I was lied to / gas lighted ever since my husband split from me in April 2009

Now there were 3 women in his life beside me at the time:

1. Co-Worker A I believe he had at least an EA with prior and while leaving me
2. A woman he started dating the week he left me
3. Another Co-Worker B he told me about around the same time as he split from me.
He said at the time: �I feel uncomfortable around her, she is always too close, she is always touching my arm when she speaks to me.�


After we split I found out that both Co-Worker A and B were both listed as his friends on his face book and were also listed friends with each other.
A few months later Co-Worker A disappeared of both my husbands and Co-Workers B friends list at the same time.

Now Co-Worker B is now his permanent girlfriend � husband tells me they are together since beginning of 2010.
She has met my boys (they all spent 5 days together around X-Mas and also talks on the phone to them when he calls).


We are now close to the 2 years mark with our separation � I always thought the 4 years separation time needed in Ireland are crazy but now I think the time is needed to fully heal. I am not constantly hurt anymore but it still creeps up on me time to time. Friends of mine want me back in a relationship asap but I think it�s not the right way to go. I don�t think that a new relationship helps to deal with all this mess. I have lost all respect in regards to my husband being a parent � it�s a joke really � we don�t co-parent � he basically doesn�t talk to me at all about the kids, doesn�t see report cards i.e.

Hi everyone

I don't know if anyone even remembers me but something just happened and I just had to tell someone before I burst.

WH just picked up the kids and brought his GF with him to my front door - the one from abroad - I was speechless - I never thought he would ever dare to do that

And what more - she didn't seem bothered at all

Just had to share that

What Plan are you in?

D

to explain - his GF is this one

Another Co-Worker he told me about around the same time as he split from me(2009) He said at the time: �I feel uncomfortable around her, she is always too close, she is always touching my arm when she speaks to me.�

Are you going to be in Plan B while you're D?

Can you put a clause in your D decree that he can't have any OW around your kids?

bestrong, I would not allow an OW to set foot on my property. I would escort her off my property. Don't let her disrespect you like that and don't let your children think you condone her presence.

Are you divorced yet? Where does your divorce stand?

we don't have much contact as he is usually abroad - and we don't talk about anything else then kids and finances. He has kept a very low profile over the last 3 years - in Ireland we have a 4 years waiting period for getting a divorce and unfortunately she is not officially an OW in front of the law here - I had to proof that he left me for her and I couldn't.
So I don't think that I can do anything legally

I am filing for divorce next June after the 4 years are up

MelodyLane, I was so surprised and the kids stormed out of the door and then they disappeared - I never thought he would actually do it