My wife had an affair 15 years ago and we stayed together. We are married 25 years and I can feel it happening again. Late nights, many stories that don't add up and many other things. I have no proof, but feel just feeling this is bad enough. I can't trust her and then wonder how I can stay in the marriage. I am sure there is someone else, but have no proof. There is late nights that are unscheduled, no desire for sex, and lately the private callers that don't speak when I answer the phone. I know it is true. Even if there isn't the fact that she made me feel like this(no trust) is bad enough that I wonder how it can last.
Can or should I go to a divorce lawyer for consultation even without evidence to see what to do? We live with a 19 year old with some psychological issues. She is very close to me. I worry about her a lot and what this would do to her. I am very sad about this.

SW,

Did you read up on some of the other threads on this site.

You should snoop like crazy to gather your evidence. But you
need to be very discrete about it so she doesn't go further underground.

Do you have an idea who the OM is?

Did you ever really recover from the affair 15 years ago? Or are their aspects of it which she still holds secret.

Use the search function to scan for keywords pertaining to your circumstances here on MB.

God Bless
Gamma

Click on the link in my TAG line (carrot/stick) and read how to get started on Plan A.

It's just a start, not anything else.

Click on this LINK for newly betrayed spouses and read carefully.
Just about everything is there.

Step 1:
Snoop for evidence
Say NOTHING
BEHAVE normally

I have been reading through the forum and it is very helpful. The affair 15 years ago was traumatic and recovery slow. I recently noticed she searched for the same man on Facebook. It may well be the same man this time. I don't know what to do next because I don't have definitive proof, but know in my heart and the way things are happening.
I would rather know the truth then go on like this.I know I have to be discreet. My daughter doesn't know about the first time and I am worried about her.

Thank you

The hardest part is acting like nothing is wrong when I am so hurt. How is that possible? It is very hard. Guess I couldn't be an actor.I also have to be strong for my daughter

Tell WW that you feel like you might be coming down with some virus.
Tell her you don't feel good.
Tell her you haven't slept well.
Tell her you are having work stress.
Tell her you think there is something wrong with your stomach.

Starwriter, don't ask her if she is having an affair. Just quietly get the goods. Place a GPS on her car, put spyware on her computer, install flexispy on her phone. Hire a PI if you can.

Get the goods and then come back here and we will tell you next steps.

I already suffer from chronic pain(from injuries) that has me out of work. It is hard not to tell(my daughter) how I feel.
We are close and this will hurt her.

I believe most of contact done from work. A Pi may be my best bet. I think most of the other things will be hard. I don't know how I will do it. Even a PI will be expensive.

Sorry you are here but you need to snoop and behave normally.

Put a free keylogger on your PC called Desktop shark at www.desktopshark.com it will not alert your antivirus.

Search Craig's list.

I installed a keylogger, but feel guility. Maybe I'm going crazy. I hate having to go through this again.

The truth will help you set up a plan. Not knowing is no plan. I am sorry you find yourself here.

If you discover an A then you need to sit your daughter down and tell her the truth. Covering up for wife will only help her carry on the A longer.

It is traumatic and stressful. Breathe and be pro-active. Do not give your WS any signs that you are checking up on her. Just do it. Does she have a cell phone? Look at her texts. Follow her from work. Was the OM in the same state as you?

These are just more suggestions.

It sounds like she is talking to him on the home phone, right? You can easily record all the conversations. You'll need two devices.

1--A phone recorder control like #43-2208 Phone Recorder Control from Radio Shack

2--A digital voice recorder

In a discreet location, plug the phone recorder into an unused phone jack in the house. Plug the audio plug of the control into the digital voice recorder. It will now record all of the home phone calls.

No, not the home phone. It is either email or work phone. She is out again tonight and me and my daughter are home. A typical night anymore. Keylogger installed.

SW,

You can get a GPS to put on her car.

God Bless
Gamma

Keylogger works great. No sign of anything yet and wife has been home and acting normal. Maybe I was wrong, but I know better then to completely believe it yet. Will keep in PI mode.

Never believe a wayward they have the amazing ability to go underground. The only two effective processes I found was a Pi and that eventually costs or a polygraph. She may be communicating by some other means, keep the keylogger going and give some thought as to how else she may be contacting OM . This must not dominate your life , be erratic , pitch up at work unannounced and take her out, change the evening schedule , at very short notice take her away on a break, this behaviour will if she is in contact with OM disrupts their schedule and force mistakes, when doing this you must not pre warn her.

SW, sorry you are here. Help is here. Listen to the VETS.


How old is your daughter? If she is anywhere above tween she should be told...ONCE YOU HAVE EVIDENCE.

Wait until you have proof. Don't tell her anything yet.

It would be like if you thought you had an incurable disease and thought you were going to die and you tell her you're going to die. Lo and behold once you go to the doctor he tells you that you only have the flu. No need to worry her about something that may or may not be happening.