im 21
he is 25
2 children 1 is 2 and the other is 1
married for a 1 and a half


i dont know where to begin, he has asked for a divorce and he says he is not happy but i have found text and lettters from another woman he works with, he says he dont love me anymore in scraed to death becuase my children mean the world to me. he is my life and i dont want this.. this has been going on since novmenber. i want a happy marriage and i want to save it!! help please!! anyone have any advice!!?????

Hi AD, sorry you're here but we can help you. Can you tell us a little more about this? Who is OW? Do you know her? Is she married? What does she do where your H works? What does your H do? How long have each of them worked there?

Have you told him you found the letters and texts? Don't, if you haven't already. Keep that to yourself for now.

You've come to the right place.

Sorry you are here but welcome.

I know it is hard, but try to remain calm. Read up on Plan A, about wooing your H back to the M while working to bust up the A. Here is a link: Carrot & Stick of Plan A

Answer MB's questions, read up and come back. We can help you. Hang in there. ((adscott))

Some more Qs:
What exactly do the texts and letters say? Are they letters or emails? Can you make copies?

Sorry to say guys but I only have copy of the letter saying " baby I love u you are so amazing I love u so much and I can't wait to start my life with you, " he knows I have found everything.. And they work together!! She tried to be my friend and I didn't want her to be, the text are alot of calling each other baby and talking about "doing it" I'm all new to this and the divorce will happen soon so I need major help!!! I just want to prove I can be a great wife and mom and u love my family!!! Oh and the girl just got a divorce, she has two kids also and I have her phone number, everyone in the family and their work knows! HELP!!

Very sorry that you are here. This is a club that has grown to epic proportions that none of us want to be in, but we are, and we welcome you. Read up on everything that you can. I found that the book "Surviving an Affair" became my Bible. Remember that no matter what happens and what is said, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You will get through this! Be strong dear. It is a tough road, but you have come to the right place.

When you spoke to your H, did he admit the A? It sounds like you have the proof you need but you may want to go ahead and set up a VAR/GPS in the car for further evidence.

How do you know OW is divorced? Have you verified this independently? Even if she is really divorced, I would still exopse this to her XH.

Lastly, has this been exposed to anybody yet?

No he did not admit it but he admited to calling her baby and yes I have told her EX H.. What is this GPS thing u are talking about.. His family knows and his work knows. He told me to ask her why she told him she loved him but I dint think that was a good idea??? Should I call or text her? He is telling me he is going to file at the end of feb, and that he is taking our daughter and getting full custody, her divorce is final. His family has said if he was to divorce me and be with her that she was not welcome around any of them

What should I say and how should I act twards him!?????

I would be terribly tempted to call that skank and tell her that she won't have a minute's peace as long as she is tramping around my husband.

I would also tell your husband that you do not want the divorce and will fight it. I would suggest you also tell him that you will do whatever it takes to get primary custody of your children. Tell him this isn't going to be a happy little switch over to a new wife for him and a new mommy for his children.

Can you tell us what State you are in?

I live in Alabama

If he files for divorce what do I do???

Again, tell him that you have no intention of allowing your M to slip quietly away so he can enjoy his adulterous lifestyle. Tell him that you believe in your M and will do whatever you can to save it.

Having said that: tell him you intend to fight the D with everything you can.

You live in an 'alienation of affection' state. Tell him that you intend to countersue for alienation of affection against OW on the grounds of their affair.

Google Alienation of Affection Lawsuit and read up on this. Your state will recognize it.

Oh, the flawed logic of a wayward. I was going to write something, but maritalbliss always sums up everything perfectly.

Follow the advice here and your husband will be in for a rude awakening.

I have told him a million times I don't want it. I have told him that I could fight it but he says I don't have the money which is true, he says his mind Is made up and that he wants a divorce, do I call the OW????? If so what do I say?

When did he say he wanted a divorce? Was it before or after you found out he was cheating?

He said he wanted a divorce before I found out, but the A has been going since about nov.. (( not a proven fact but from the info I have gathered and from what her ex husband has said that is what I figured when it started))

And he told me wanted a divorce around the first of December and on my birthday we were going to work things out which was the28th and I found out he was cheating on Christmas day:( her ex husband called me crying that day..

You have to understand that all cheaters want the same thing: They want marriage at home AND dating on the side. Threats of divorce are often made in order to bully the BS into backing off and not interfering with the affair.

Tell him you will in no way help him destroy and dismantle your family. He will have to do that entirely on his own. And mean it.

Having said that - make sure you do have an attorney lined up in case you need to file for legal separation in order to protect yourself. Then work Plan A. There are many here who will help you with that.

hang in there, and don't panic. He's just following the script. But you have MB, and he does not.

I'm sorry I am very new to thiis, he said he hates being with me and he is not happpy, and what is legal seperation? I'm trying to hold on and somtimes our fights get a little to much so I'm trying to keep from fighting, it's really hard. I tell him I'm trying to save our marriage and he says well it's over I'm filing for divorce and there is nothing I can do. What can I say to him and do. Do I stoping trying to talk to him period? What do I tell the lawyer when I talk to her?is this going to cost anything..

If he does file for divorce, I would countersue on the grounds of adultery (if your state still has fault divorce). By doing this, you get her name in public records as being a homewrecker, and your lawyer can depose her about the affair. Of course your WH and the OW will scream over this, but that is GOOD! Make as much trouble for their affair as you can.

If he doesn't file for divorce, but stops paying bills and supporting your children, file for legal separation, child support, and maintenance.

Ask your folks if you can borrow the money for an attorney, and make sure that your attorney asks for your WH to pay the legal fees in the divorce papers. You also should make sure you have copies of all your financial records and go for the maximum in child support, and you might even be able to get alimny for a few years.

At any rate, the thing you want to do now is to cause as much trouble for the affair as you can. That means exposure!