Hi there all who might remember me!

Its been a few years since I was here but for some reason thought I'd pop by and see if my old friend "Queenie' is still here?

Believer,Bugsmom,Pepperband ....maybe you will be able to help me?
thanks

Hi Hopenpray,

I haven't seen Queenie for a little while. Likewise Believer and Bugsmom. Pepperband is here! Lots of news about them while you were away.

We only hear from you once a year. Update?

Imagine,where do I begin?? I can't remember when last I was here....
EXH is still married to OW but I have no idea if he"s happy or not.Since he married her they started a business which they had to liquidate within a year,he opened another shop and is struggling big time.He is under debt review owes me lots of maintenance money and is stressed to the max.OW is not working(why am I not surprised!)as she is the teller in the shop lol

My elder son moved back home with me after living and working with his dad for a year.Theres no bad vibes but he can't take OW and I suspect theres more his not telling me..

I on the other hand have come through this awful time in my life and am happy.I worked too much but its necessary to maintain the household.There is no man in my life as I wasnt ready before to date. Now I'm ready to move on...

What happened to Queenie?

What is debt review? Who orders debt review?
And how much $$$ moo-la $$$ are we talking?
Thousands, right?
Tens of thousands?

Never feel sorry for him and give up what is owed to you.

In short,debt review is when one goes to a debt counsillor who helps u sort out paying your bills.The Government has instituted this..u fill in legal documents to show u cant pay your bills etc .So your possessions cant be removed...u pay a portion of your monthly installments.You do eventually go to court and the judge decides ultimately what must be done with all the persons debt.
EXH has been this way for a year now....kids say sometimes theres hardly food in the house when they there,which isnt often anymore.
He pays me half my maintenance every month more or less...He owes me money from the divorce settlement as well.Yes it is thousands!!
Im keeping a record of it all!!

Its been 4 years since DDay and all I can say is YES, everything marriagebuilders says happens to the WS HAPPENS!!
My EX is the perfect example..

We text each other when necessary otherwise when i do see him on the odd occassion he can't look me in the face.He looks terrible has aged a lot and it frustrates me to think all that he has lost.

We were very very comfortable financely before his affair and now he is broke...at 47...so so sad.
He has lost friends and family as well.
OW on the other hand has lost nothing cos she had nothing before the affair...not even a car.

He keeps blaming the recession...

I pity him really and no I don't feel sorry for him at all.
I let him know on numerous occasions that I would take him back in text msgs.He never replied ever....

What counts now is that me and my boys 18 and 21 now are settled and happy.In fact Im quite proud of the fact that we have pulled through this terrible time in our lives.

I'm ready to date now but in no hurry !! lol

What I don't still understand is that my boys and people that have met the OW can't see any good points about her...looks or personality? what is it that keeps him with her?
They all say I'm so much prettier/nicer than her! lol

Hi hopenpray, welcome back!

Well, remember that your xH's ENs probably didn't rank physical attractiveness as high as other things.

I remember an acquaintance of mine who, years ago, left his 'hot' wife after beginning an A with the plainest Jane I've seen on this planet. Obviously it wasn't her looks that attracted him to her.

And some *ahem* men (man) might not think *he* looks good standing next to you because *he* thinks so lowly of himself.

*He* might feel he looks good standing next to a woman who makes *him* look better by comparrison .... Water seeks it's own level, yanno?

Ever think of that?

{{{{{hope}}}}}}

What an absolutely joyous surprise. I'm SO GLAD to see you my friend. This is such a gift from G-d. I often hoped you would be back and say hi and let me know how you are doing?
Look at us, we healed, we moved and we began new journies. I'm doing really really good. So much... has happened. so much.

I'm a bubbe, my grandson was born last May. He is such a joy in my life. We get him every weekend for a night and he and his papa have a very special relationship. I love seeing the softness in my H come out with his children and grandchild. My DD wasn�t a very good newborn mom, but she has certainly settled in as a baby mom and is raising a very happy young boy. She isn�t completely happy, but I just love on her and let G-d lead her.

My OS is planning on getting married June 25th. He is on an air craft carrier, based in Bremerton, WA. He�s been out for a few weeks and we just had contact with him. He�s doing awesome and getting high marks for his work and they have invited him to attend a technical school when he gets back later this spring. It�s a wonderful opportunity him, but it�s sandwiched in between his wedding, so we will have to see how the two of them work through this. It�s still hard staying out of it.

My YS, seems to be more on track to graduate in June. He has really stepped up and taken more action in his school life. He got 203 out of 200 on his portfolio about his job shadow and other things. He even got 372 out of 368 on one of his finals. I was so proud of him. On a life altering mood, he was involved in a very bad accident that killed one person. It has changed him in many ways and yet, G-d continues to show us how kids can be resilient and move forward with life when this adult isn�t as easily flexible. He has some physical scars which I think will help to remind him as he moves through his journey. Sadly, one of his lacrosse players from middle school was killed last week in a car accident and YS relieved that pain and memory. He is getting ready for his last season of lacrosse in high school, actually we both are looking forward to it.

Me, how am I. I don�t come here anymore. I found that what I offered wasn�t really needed and there are so many others who understand what to do better than I. I just know how to do them, and quite honestly I know how to do them really good. I work with a lady through phone and email on this horrific journey and it really does bring comfort to me to remember that�s EXACTLY how it was. So if it can happen for me. I will say that as I walk through this with her, I realize how important it is to stick to Plan B, once you enter into it. If you don�t, then it becomes a mess and I have to wonder if that just doesn�t fuel the fire.

I still am working at my school; there is a team of us in the middle of reviewing our work contract, as we get ready to go into negotiations this coming spring. I am also considering running for president of the union, but will see. We also are heavily involved in a bond measure to raise 125 million dollars to build two new elementary schools and remodel and repair the rest of the schools. We are just about maxed out in room for kids and we have documentation that says we are due to get in 1700 more kids by the end of the decade and we have no room for them. Wish me luck. I have taken up Zumba dancing which I guess is like a Brazilian dance exercise. We also bought a treadmill and I try to get on it every other day, not including weekends. LOL Almost all my weight did come back and I have struggled deeply about this. I started working the AA steps around my food in a group of 4 women. I have learned a lot about myself. The two most important things is that my life is absolutely driven by I�m not good enough and love = sex. I am working very diligently and hard to change this about me, but today they still drive me. Oh, I have bought a guitar and plan to teach myself how to play. We lost a modern influence in Judaism a few weeks back and for some reason I feel G-d is calling me to do this.

So.. my marriage�. It�s been almost 4 years since D-day. I will NEVER forget that pain and horrific destruction that I went through. But like JT taught me, G-d indeed turned it to good. I often say, I came here as skinsgal and became Queenie and today Queenie is who lives. My H and I have a marriage that is brand new and in almost every way incredible. We work hard at eliminating lovebusters and meeting each other�s emotional needs even though we don�t realize it. He never bought into MB, but I will tell you, his defogging, was ABSOLUTELY TEXTBOOK. I wish Dr. Harley could have watched this unfold because it happened just like he said it would. It took a very long time, because it wasn�t just the actions about the affair, but the mindset that he became.
We are in contact all day long; we constantly are reaching for the higher good for the other person. The other week he joined me in a �sex� talk assembly for parents. This is just one example of how things have changed. When he was involved with her, I had begged him to go with me, but we ended up getting into a huge fight and I went alone. This time around we were discussing our plans for the day and he just asked me to save him a seat and he would be there after his workout. I was stunned that he wanted to come.

At Hanukkah time, he surprised me with not only a wonderful set of gifts, but put together a lunch date and family pictures with all the kids. Having family pictures taken was something that always had been a dream of mine. We have a date night at least once a week, our favorite thing is to turn off the lights, and sit on the couch holding each other watching movies. We discuss sex more, we discuss money issues, we discuss life. We never did that in our first marriage. We actually tell people that this is our second marriage, same person, no divorce and leave it at that.

I will say that the only thing that lasts is the lack of SF. I have my June deadline, well it looks more like July. I have been completely O & H about my frustration around this and for a very long time, H would say he had to work the AA steps, he had to do his 4th step, then it became the 9th step amends. But he went to a porno site recently and checking the history l called him on it. I told him he had one more chance to be honest, that I wasn�t going to hang around forever and now was it. Well, he is afraid/embarrassed/and full of shame that he has caught something and doesn�t want to give it to me. Happily he has an appointment with a dr on Wednesday so we shall see. Yes, Vladi, I�m still waiting.

I have come to a place that I am at peace with my life. G-d gave me the second chance I worked so hard and prayed for. I didn�t squander it, I have made the most of it and quite honestly am a wonderful wife and mom. But like we all had to learn, I have no control over what other�s do and not everything is about me. My timeline is still in place. I will not go my life without SF, but I also am enjoying my marriage and getting so many of my EN met everyday.

Thank you so much hope for asking about me. I miss you a lot. We both hung onto each other very tightly and I always wondered what happened to you. Please let�s try to figure out how to talk on the phone, email, facebook or something. What would work for you?

With my love,
Queenie

Right back at cha. Thanks Pep, you always have my back and I love you so dearly for that.

Thank you so much.

Queenie:



If only we can get another winning season with Washington...!

LG

Holy cow.... It's Hopenpray &&& Queenie stopping by on the same day....

It's great to see both of you are doing so well!

{{{{{{HUGS FOR BOTH OF YOU}}}}}}

Hi Queenie, yours was the good news. Thank you for delivering it yourself.

Believer was not so lucky, her ex husband committed suicide about a year back. She occasionally looks in on these posts. I wish her well in her retirement.

Hope, your ex's computer activities will have to branch out from sales. Recession is part of the problem. i think that supporting networks is a much better deal.

Queenie its so lovely to hear from you again.....I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes.I think partly cos being here is bringing back so many memories of heartache but mainly from joy of making contact with you again.!
I'm so glad that you and your family are back together again.My how your children have excelled in their lives...wonderful news.
Zumba dancing is also very popular over here in S.A.A friend of mine lost soo much weight doing it.
How did you know so quickly that i was looking for you? A few days ago i received, via email, a newsletter from MBers...it was so weird cos i hadnt received mail from MBers in over a year at least and thats what made me come here today....old memories.

Queenie I am on facebook and email but i dont want to broadcast my name here,so how do we go about it?I'm not that computer literate lol.

Pepperband I never thought of that ?
Thanks for clearing that up for me...at the time of the affair, my son had just had a severe motorbike accident which has left him with permanent damage to his feet.EXH blamed himself over and over cos I didnt want the bike at all and he bought it behind my back for our son.We had a huge fight about it...4 months later a drunk driver nearly killed him.......

Miracles do happen LG, they really do.

Thanks Imagine and HPB,

I have thought often of so many people on here. Let's just say the facebook fairies new how to get ahold of me.

I'm going to email the moderators, hopefully they will give you my name and email so you can find me on facebook. Or if someone else has an idea....

Till then my friend.

Hi Queenie (and hopeandpray and Pep etc)!

Just wanted to say 'hi' and let you know that you have a FB message...from me