I understand I am not his coach. It is just discouraging.

I know the feeling. I had the same feelings sometimes with Markos, when I would do my homework but he didn't. If anyone can hold your husband accountable to do his part, it's Steve. Anything coming from you insisting that he do his work is going to be a lovebuster. You can't make him do anything.

You need to talk to Steve as soon as you possibly can.

I was on the radio show today!

Oh, I'm listening right now; is that you?

Yes that is me.

Here is a link for anyone who wants to listen.
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/.../problems-with-communication-168799.html

Wow, they spent a lot of time talking to you ~ it was a great segment!

What did you think of the advice, Wounded?

UPDATE...

We are still on the rollercoaster ride. We started the Home course the first part of the year but have not gotten very far. We are still on AO's. Dr. HArley wants us to stay on AOs until my hubby hasn't has one for 3 months. So far we have made it 2 weeks without an AO followed by a week of daily AOs.

Last night H told me that he just needs some space so we will not be doing MB at all this week. No POJA, no meeting needs and no avoiding LBs.

Oh and I am still hearing how MB was written just for women.

I am so tired of the roller coaster. You would think that 2 years post A we would be in a better place.

How do I keep that hope alive?

A vacay from marriage and family?

I see.

That means ....
No home cooked meals. Fix food for yourself and eat alone.
No housekeeping & laundry duties.
No conversations.
You come and go as you please.
He does not exist.

And it goes without saying, no physical contact of any kind.

Pep,

After 3 days of him attacking me I did take 2 days to go to the beach with my son. He was all for it and told me he hoped I came back more relaxed. The first day I was there he called me telling me several pieces of bad news then asked how things were going. I was honest and said they were going great until a few minutes ago. He took that as him calling ruined my relazation. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't him calling it was him calling with the bad news that could have waited until I got home.

Yesterday he told me that he just wanted to crawl up in bed and cry. After he got home from work, I fixed him a cup of coffee and asked him if he wanted to talk. At first he said no but then went on to tell me in a finger pointing way everything I had done wrong the 3 days before I took my son to the beach.

After another AO last night he has told me that he is going to be spending his time building our new deck but he doesn't mean that he won't talk to me or sit down to eat with me.

Last night after he told me he needed his space, I bedded down on the couch to give him his space. He came into the living room asking me if I was going to sleep on the couch. I told him yes I am giving him his space. He said that he didn't mean he needed his space like that. aHe went on to tell me that needing his space doesn't mean he didn't want to be around me.

During his AO last night he told me that he would never F*** anybody but he might as well have another Internet affair. I know this was said our of anger but it still hurt.

He has also told me that I never listen to his feeling. I always rebut them. After things had calmed down a little last night I told him that I don't want to fight any more all I want is a hug from my husband. He replied that is all he wants and then went on to tell me why it couldn't happen.f

What can I do? I do try to listen to his feelings but he doesn't talk about his feelings he uses words like "you did .... and that is why I did ...." Is that how men talk about their feelings?

Sometimes, yes.

Memorize a few "pocket responses" and use them whenever .... but do not editorialize whatever he says. He knows he's spewing crap. You don't need to tell him.

I see.
Go on.
Tell me more.
Anything else?
Thanks for sharing.


This is

Suggested response .... (anytime he is not making sense)

"Honey, please write down exactly what "needing space" means, so I can do it the way you want. Because right now, I can't decipher what it is I need to be doing."

My take on this, he is a man who is clearly not comfortable in his own skin.


I suggest, the only response to this, or any AO like this ....

"Ouch. That hurts."

However, do not tolerate any name-calling.
That is a boundary you should defend.

"I will not be with anyone who is calling me names." Then, take off for a few hours.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Thank you for helping me see the humor in his babble.

Do you still suggest

No, It's stupid.

So I just try to be a happy me and try to meet his ENs and not LB him?

Be kind.
Be quiet.
Be watchful.
Keep eye contact.
Be a listener.
Ask for hugs.
Smile a lot.
Sing around the house.
Offer to join in recreational activities.


Come here and rant.
Come here and tell us the dumb stuff he says.
We will laugh at him here.

Pretty soon, he will tire of being mad all by his lonesome.
If he behaves particularly loathsome, excuse yourself and go take a warm soothing bath .... complete with opera music. Sing along.

If LB'ing him would help your marriage, I'm pretty sure MB would recommend we all do it.
LOL.