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Well said, MB.
Being self-righteous in the name of being a Christian gives all Christians a bad name. MB is right, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Many of us here are good, strong Christians. Dr. Harley himself is a Christian. If you had taken the time to do some reading here before shooting your mouth off, you would know this and you would know that what we recommend does NOT go against even one thing in the bible.
Why did you come here if you don't want advice? And why did you ask for advice when you clearly don't want any?
Please get your facts straight before attempting to lecture US. Many of us have been here for years and years and we know that this is a very Christian-oriented site. We are welcoming to anyone however, Christian or not.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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I appreciate everyone�s replies but I would like some practical advice and Christian encouragement in line with the topic of �how to move on� that can help in building the trust in my marriage. I just can�t understand how continuing to snoop (a year later mind you) is going to do that. Maybe I�m missing something. But again, I do appreciate you all taking the time to respond. The way to build trust and "move on" is to snoop on your husband. This helps him build trust when you are able to verify independently that he is being faithful. It also helps you hold him accountable when he is doing wrong. That is the Christian thing to do because it protects your marriage from evil. It is too much trust that leads to affairs. I would go back to spectorsoft.com and download one of the keyloggers. It is a perfectly safe website.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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@Delta Refering to this discussion forum in general. But if you reread what has been posted you should be able to see that not one person(besides my signature block) refer to the WORD of GOD? If I am mistaken please show me where the reference was made?
But on this specific topic here's what I've seen so far:
"Have you read Surviving an Affair? I suggest you get it. Click on the 'bookstore' link on this site."
"MrsS, have you read the Basic Concepts on this site? Here's a quick link for you: Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts"
"It would be instructive for you to read these."
"P.S. Dr. Harley says we never should have fully trusted our spouses in the first place since we are all "wired for affairs"."
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...put away childish things. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.(1 Cor. 13:4-8,11,13)
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This is MARRIAGEBUILDERS.COM, not BIBLESTUDY.COM. While it is Christian based, we focus on MARRIAGE BUILDING.
Please browse around some more before you say more things you are going to regret. This is a very Christian forum but you have not educated yourself enough about MB to know that. You are making a fool of yourself.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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@Delta Refering to this discussion forum in general. But if you reread what has been posted you should be able to see that not one person(besides my signature block) refer to the WORD of GOD? If I am mistaken please show me where the reference was made? Why are you here on Marriage Builders asking for advice if that is not what you want?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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P.S. Mrs. Shepp, do you realize that most people consider it very rude to come to a website/forum and then begin demanding that longtime posters begin posting YOUR way and reprimanding them for not posting what YOU want to hear, in the way you want to hear it?
That does not go over well and it's extra shocking for someone who calls herself a Christian.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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@maritalbliss I know that Dr. Harley is a Christian and reading his a book of HIS but in days like this I do not ignore the many warnings refering to those among us. Since when is scripture religious dogma? I love GOD's WORD and the intimate relationship with Christ and no one comes before HIM.
I hadn't said anything bad against Dr. Harley but I'm not going to soak up everything on here as if it the truth because it can possibly be in error and if you can't see that then I'll be praying for you because you might end up in a christian cult like I did years ago. But thank GOD for trusting in HIS WORD instead of what people said I was able get out.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...put away childish things. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.(1 Cor. 13:4-8,11,13)
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MrsS, you can hear Dr. Harley's radio program on the Christian site. http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/marriage-builders-radio/How much more Christian do you want?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Wow! I agree totally. To the OP, my husband is a minister (and a former WS). I still snoop occasionally and he knows it. Know why it doesn't bother him? Because he has nothing to hide and it helps keep us accountable to each other. Dr. Harley (an expert in marital recovery after an affair AND a Christian) has a very specific plan for recovery. And it works!
I don't understand the anger in your post.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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MrsS, if you continue to read these Infidelity forums, you'll realize that everything we do is based on the word of God, beginning with the commandment:
"You shall not commit adultery."
We believe that upon marriage, a woman and a man become one. Our goal is to work in concert with our spouses to combat the enemy in all its forms, including lust and temptation, using modern day methods. We believe in accountability.
These are all very much biblical concepts.
It's unfortunate you don't see that.
FBW in recovery
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�A wise [man] will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:� Proverbs 1:5 KJV
Me = BH
DDay Dec. 2010
D filed Oct 2011 (by me)
D final 3/16/12
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@maritalbliss I know that Dr. Harley is a Christian and reading his a book of HIS but in days like this I do not ignore the many warnings refering to those among us. Since when is scripture religious dogma? I love GOD's WORD and the intimate relationship with Christ and no one comes before HIM.
I hadn't said anything bad against Dr. Harley but I'm not going to soak up everything on here as if it the truth because it can possibly be in error and if you can't see that then I'll be praying for you because you might end up in a christian cult like I did years ago. But thank GOD for trusting in HIS WORD instead of what people said I was able get out. dog�ma [dawg-muha]: settled or established opinion, belief, or principle. I stand by my post. No one is asking you to soak up anything. But we ARE asking you to read something, anything on this site. You obviously have not. And you certainly don't need to worry about my ending up in a cult. I've got discernment.  You can pray for me if it makes you feel better. Although I suspect you'll get very little sleep, staying up to pray for all the poor folks who don't make the cut for piousness in your little world. Tell you what: put me at the end of your list - I'll be just fine if you fall asleep before you get to me.
Last edited by maritalbliss; 02/25/11 05:54 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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[quote]
Did you know that being betrayed this way is compared to being RAPED? If you were raped, would you come here saying "I just need to know how to move on and protecting myself isn't going to help." I was rape so I know how that feel and the pain I experience was ten times worst than what my husband did. I don't know if you understand or if you have been raped before but I do. You all don't know the many pain that I have been through and how I came to the LORD. I almost lost my life. So when it comes to the LORD, I'm very serious about that because everything I've been through GOD has brought me out. Now I do appreciate the many posts but wonder about why my decision against the keylogger, as I don't think that will work in my marriage to my husband, why all the fuss about it. If that has work for you all, great, because that your marriage and I don't know you or your husband. But my decision wasn't respected but I see why now.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...put away childish things. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.(1 Cor. 13:4-8,11,13)
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MrsS, why are you here?
I am unclear on this.
This is Marriage Builders. It is a site created by and run by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., PhD., one of the foremost specialists in the field.
Do you want help? Or do you just want to vent?
If you want help, then a lot of people here are willing to help you.
If you want to vent, you will likely not find a large audience.
The "audience" is out trying to help others recover their marriages and build stronger ones.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Proverbs 12:15 "The way of a fool is right in his[her] own eyes..."
Proverbs 18:2 "A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his[her] own heart."
Proverbs 18:13 "[S]He who answers a matter before [s]he hears it, it is folly and shame..."
James 1:19 "...be quick to listen, slow to speak..."
MrsS, you came here asking for free advice. You've gotten it from a lot of folks who don't get a dime for offering it. We've seen from affairs -- emotional and physical. Some of us have only spent a couple of years recovering our marriages from the harm we've suffered (or as in my case, inflicted). Some here have spent a lot longer.
I encourage you to keep in mind that a lot of the wisdom here has been earned the hard way -- in sleepless nights, in tears, in heartbreak, in broken families & broken souls, as well as in seeking the very best counsel of both men and God. If you wish to reject the advice borne of this wealth & breadth & depth of experience, you're free to do so. However, I'd like to ask that you please do so respectfully, and without stepping over the line into being presumptuous to impugn or belittle the faith of those here who are persons of faith. (Some are, some aren't).
You're free to go around shouting "WORD of GOD, WORD of GOD" ... and if that solves your problems -- if you've got it all figured out regarding how to fix your marriage -- then you don't need us.
I personally happen to have found the MarriageBuilders approach to properly ending affairs and restoring marriages to be a wonderful set of tools that I believe God Himself laid at my & my wife's feet. (And I'm speaking to you here in abject humility as a man who was among those who most needed every ounce of forgiveness for sins I committed during my affair.) If you don't feel like using those tools, no one here can force you to do so. Before you walk away, just make sure that you aren't being one of the fools Solomon was writing about.
I wish you well. And I hope you stick around, because you might learn some things that will help your marriage be better that it has been before.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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MrsS, Dr. Harley is a Christian man. I think it is insulting to these good posters who have taken time out of their busy days to advise you (said advice being what you asked for) only to have you fault them for promoting the materials of the owner of this website.
Have you read any of the articles on here? Have you ever considered that Dr. Harley has been led by the Holy Spirit to do this life's working saving the thousands of marriages that he has saved, and continues to save?
Many people of faith hide behind that faith and toss out the occasional piece of religious dogma to shore up their shaky foundation. I suspect this is the case with you. I've met many in my years.
If you are here to learn how to save your M from a Christian man, you are at the right place. If you have eyes and refuse to see, you will not be helped. If you have ears and refuse to hear, you will not be helped. Your decision.
But don't come on here and insult posters who don't know you from Adam and whose only goal is to help you. You should be ashamed of yourself. Well I'm not cause I don't have anything to be ashame of. I made the decision not to get a keylogger but actually said I was going to check out a book suggested on here but after I finished reading the other one he wrote. I didn't know it was a crime to share bibical insight. But it's my fault...I should have read the posts on here before I asked for the advice. That way, I would have known the atmosphere of this forum instead of after the fact.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...put away childish things. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.(1 Cor. 13:4-8,11,13)
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I was rape so I know how that feel and the pain I experience was ten times worst than what my husband did. I don't know if you understand or if you have been raped before but I do. You all don't know the many pain that I have been through and how I came to the LORD. I almost lost my life. So when it comes to the LORD, I'm very serious about that because everything I've been through GOD has brought me out. And YOU don't know OUR stories, either. You think you're the only one who has been raped? We've got a poster who got 'passed around' to her multiple rapists. We have posters who are adult survivors of sexual abuse as children. You come to this site with a question and immediately whip out biblical quotes like we're a bunch of heathens. That couldn't be further from the truth. Your ignorance and superiority issues are appalling. I'll pray for YOU tonight, for the Lord to grant you humility and open your heart and mind for knowledge.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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But it's my fault...I should have read the posts on here before I asked for the advice. That way, I would have known the atmosphere of this forum instead of after the fact.  Have a nice life and good luck.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Well said, MB.
Many of us here are good, strong Christians. Dr. Harley himself is a Christian. If you had taken the time to do some reading here before shooting your mouth off, you would know this and you would know that what we recommend does NOT go against even one thing in the bible.
Why did you come here if you don't want advice? And why did you ask for advice when you clearly don't want any?
Please get your facts straight before attempting to lecture US. Many of us have been here for years and years and we know that this is a very Christian-oriented site. We are welcoming to anyone however, Christian or not. I knew the Dr. is a christian as I got his book from the library before I found this forum which at the time I didn't know was his. As I said the only advice I rejected was the keylogger that I was told I shouldn't ignore because I didn't see how that would help. I never said that what was recommended goes against the bible (and the only thing that was recommended was the keylogger). I just thank you all for your advice and shared what I was doing and meditating on. But the comments I receive was as if that wasn't enough. Well I disagree with you all when it comes to my marriage so you don't have to give me any advice if getting a keylogger is all the advice you can offer.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...put away childish things. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.(1 Cor. 13:4-8,11,13)
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Please browse around some more before you say more things you are going to regret. This is a very Christian forum but you have not educated yourself enough about MB to know that. You are making a fool of yourself. I have no regrets. But it is my fault for not knowning the atmosphere of this forum before posting my situation. And by the way, thanks for the fool remark because I don't mind looking like a fool for Christ, mean I'm on the right track.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...put away childish things. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.(1 Cor. 13:4-8,11,13)
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