Your WH. You can't convince him with any kind of arguments in your favor. He is freakin' wayward.

WS: Can I get the food card.
LGLG: No.
WS: It is for the six of us.
LGLG: No.

If you stop teaching him and just state your boundaries. He will have no other recourse with you. If he gets angry, just remove yourself from him.

Let's be honest, if somebody is going to sneak around and take a can opener and the "good" knife, how are you going to convince this Freeloader? He feels entitled.

When you start teaching/convincing him that he is wrong, what is his response going to be?

You need to start enforcing your boundaries, not convince him of your position. He knows what your position is. It's plain as day. Stop playing his game and play yours.

I haven't picked a date yet. I have to tie up loose ends like this one. I wasn't even sure I could apply because he had. I have to look into how that works. Even if I did get a card for me I still have to be prepared for him cutting me off financially. I haven't been served yet (should be Friday) so I haven't gone back to see my lawyer to get a temp order of child support. I am waiting for a call back from the lawyer about the retainer. It is $4500 and I don't have that kind of money. I don't know if I can put it on a credit card or if my parents can pay it for me. I don't want them to pay for it and have WH get out of paying. In the summons (that I didn't get) his lawyer put we are responsible for our own attorney fees. I am not sure if that is the norm or they are trying to get away with something. There are so many things to think about my head is spinning.

Mr. Creosote is really depleting my love bank. I have to go into Plan B soon. Before you all hit me with 2x4's I know I shouldn't have engaged in his BS.

WH is supposed to take the kids for the weekend. Silly me assumed that meant Friday to Sunday. DD2 was talking to me and she mentioned going to Dad's on Saturday.
I texted WH with this.
For the weekend, pickup Friday 5pm drop off Sunday 5pm? DD1 needs to be picked up at school 9pm Friday and has 2 games on sat.

WH:Pick up Sat AM.

ME:Usual time is fri-sun. We can talk about it tomorrow.

(I knew this was coming)
WH:?usual time?- I will pick them up Sat am. Sat and Sun, drop them off at school on mon. Done.

So, this needs to be addressed. SCHEDULED CONSISTENT pickup and drop off time and days. The kids are going to be pissed and I hope they say something to him. We go to church at 6pm then youth group until 9pm every Sunday. He knows this.

Here comes my rant so I don't go off on him.
I am going to get as many boxes as I can and start packing up his crap this weekend. I will just throw stuff in boxes, no neat packing. I will be doing this for me not to help him. Just looking at his stuff is a LB for me so if it is boxed up and in the garage I won't have to look at it. It will also be easier for him to pick it all up in one day. It is mind boggling how selfish, self centered and entitled he is acting. Oh, and I think maybe I will just pop in at the condo this weekend. Go right in and use his bathroom, then raid his fridge. I am sure I will be really hungry after all that packing.

@LGLG -

Another thing to have addressed by your attorney. Consistent custodial times. You should have, that if parent getting the children is late by one hour of pick-up time they will forfeit their custodial time.

Of course it is maddening that WS does this.

Oh and it doesn't sound like a rant. Sounds like a plan.

LGLG...in regards to the food stamp card...you need to contact your social worker and update your situation. Your H moved out, he is no longer considered a member of your household, that affects the amount of food stamps you receive, his income is no longer your income. You maybe able to get more benefits...also if he reports it and not you...your food stamps may be cut off without you knowing..since you said he filed for them.

Thanks Clark_kent.
Yes it is maddening. I went through the papers I got from my lawyer and in the parenting plan it states the non-custodial parent gets the kids 6PM Friday until 6PM Saturday. They also get them one over night during the week. If we can't agree on a day it will be Wednesday. I wonder if he even got all the informational papers from his lawyer that I got from mine. Even if he did he would only read the parts that benefit him.

I will try to get that done tomorrow. He moved out but nothing is official as in legal separation. That would be one of the many questions I would have to ask.

They will want to know he has moved out, even if nothing has been filed.

One other thing you need to ask about, I'm pretty sure that Social Services will act to make sure you get whatever money from him they think you should get. They don't want to pay extra benefits if someone within the family (CHEATING HUSBAND) is supposed to be paying, too.

Even if he doesn't have a job now, chances are they will keep an eye on that.

LGLG,

I just went through this myself. WH filed beginning of Feb. and I was FORCED into retaining an attorney so he can't sell our crap (okay, marital assets). I too had to borrow money for the retainer. I hated having to ask, but I didn't have anywhere else to go for it.

I don't know what state you're in,(Cal?) they might take credit cards where you're at, you never know until you ask, pretend you're someone else on the phone and ask.

In my state, Pennsylvania, you can ask the court to have the H (or vice/versa W to H)pay part of attorneys fees AFTER the D is settled, not before.

That stinks because most of the time (not always) the H leaves the W & family, and he's the main bread winner in the family. Most of the time (not always)it's the H that files first also.

Have a yard sale and sell his junk to get money for the attorney if you have to, but you have to do it.

Will do Neak.

Lol! CRAP� It just boggles the mind that they go right for the crap. No thoughts about the people around them. One day (if) they come out of the fog they will look around for emptional support and find themselves standing alone and wondering where everyone went and how long they have been gone.

I live in FL. The great no fault state.
I e-mailed my lawyer�s legal assistant with a bunch of questions including ones about the fee�s. She said I have to pay the full amount when I sign the retainer. It is $4500 but will be well worth it. I have seen his �demands� on his papers and he is really trying to screw me. The LA said I can put $2500 on a credit card but the rest has to be cash or bank check. (I guess they have had lots of people write a bad check, it is FL after all)

It is in my case, WH even stated that I don�t deserve alimony. There is also a part that says he is seeking any unequal distribution of assets. Huh? And assets that are pre-marital and non-marital. Double Huh? If it was aquired during the marriage it is a marital asset. We got married when we were 25 and I can�t think of anything of value that he would still have that he can claim. If he is talking about inheritances from his mom then that is laughable. The only thing she has is � a beach cottage up in Boston. She co-owns it with her twin sister and they both have 9 children. My MIL and her sister would rather give me the share than him. (Not that I would want it)


Funny you should say this. My dad has been cleaning out the garage and our sons have been helping. Dad told DS1 to take anything he wants and sell it on e-bay. Then put 20% in the family fund and keep the rest. My parents have given me some $ but they are giving some to the kids to put in their own checking accounts that I am trying to set up. That�s another pain in the assk. The bank requires a SS card (not just the number) to open accounts for minors. I have cards for DS2 and DD2 but need to go to the SS office to get one for the other 2 and myself. I don�t even know what I did with mine, I haven�t had to show it in years but now places are requiring that you show an actual card.

Hello all,
Sorry I haven't been here in a while. As you can imagine a lot has gone on since my last post. There have been many vindictive things he has done. There have been more discoveries of his financial adultery and it has been going on for far longer than I realized. During this time I was also doing some deep soul searching. All while getting ready for plan B. Then he did something that was so horrid I realized I have to go into plan D.

He had been hinting to people that I had colorful issues and skeletons in my closet. I kept thinking what could he be talking about? I found out about a week ago. My sister called me and told me something her son heard from my oldest's son's girlfriend. A few weeks prior WH sat the oldest kids down and told them this "Mom has herpes." "There are only so many ways you can get herpes." The kids never told me. I sat them down one by one and explained to them that I do have herpes 1. I got it some time in my childhood and have never had a symptom and that it isn't an std. I didn't have an affair, their dad did. He has been telling people all along I cheated on him and that is why he is divorcing me. Using the children like that is emotional and psychological abuse. It was like a switch went off in my head and I said "I'm done." I knew something was off with the kids but I couldn't quite figure it out. It must have been horrible for them not knowing what to do or who to believe. They understand now that he worded it in such a way to get them to draw the conclusion with out saying "Mom is having an affair." I worry about DS2, he says things that sound like they are coming right from WH's mouth.

I forgot to add that the date on the deed is December 28th. It wasn't filed with the courts until late January.

I am soo sorry, and I totally understand if that is your decision, have you gone to your lawyer about this yet?

good luck

Yep to Sapphire. I hate this for you, lglg. I think you're making the right decision. Please see your attorney asap.

Gone to my lawyer about the date on the deed or telling the kids lies?

To initiate D proceedings - you mentioned heading toward D, right? (I think I read that)

I have seen her and have been filling out the mounds of paperwork I need to get to her. He found out who my lawyer was and had his lawyer call her office. My lawyer said they would work with them. I freaked at first but my lawyer and her legal assistant are a God send. They want the paperwork (financial affidavit and parenting plan) by April 1st so they can go over it and make sure we haven't missed anything. Here in FL you can be divorced in as little as 45 days. I have a feeling that won't be the case here. Once we accepted my lawyer typed up my responses and had me look them over. I kept looking at some of them and thinking boy is he going to be pissed. I don't know if he had been given the paper work a head of time like I was so now he will be scrambling to get it together.

Yes, I would have had no choice but to respond to his petition at one point anyways and once that is done there is not much dragging feet room unless you contest it. Soon after I responded to the petition I came to the realization that there is too much damage done and this isn't God's plan for me.

I know it is very upsetting that he spread malicious ideas about you to smear your good reputation. I don't think that it is that unusual for waywards to do it....so try to keep your chin up about it as you make your legal moves now.