Well, we drove 60 miles to my DS15's piano event. He was to be judged on playing 4 pieces of music. He has these pieces memorized but he has to give the music to the judge so the judge can follow along as he plays and make sure he follows all of the musical notation on each piece.

When we parked and were leaving the car, DS15, who had been asked by me 5 or 6 times if he had his music before we left, discovered he had left his music at home.

He was still able to complete but was penalized for not having his music. He was rated as "Excellent" but would have received "Superior". Getting a "Superior" would have meant participating in a recital and getting to go to a music camp this summer. Getting an "Excellent" is just a nice pat on the back.

I didn't have any gray hair before I had DS. . .

Please pray that I have the strength I need to be calm and collected during the custody, child support, and temporary spousal support hearing tomorrow.

Or cross your fingers. Whatever works for you.

Good luck today, I am glad your sister is there for support. Afterwards, go out and do something nice for yourself - like lunch and a pedi.

Good luck today H&G! I will be praying for peace and serenity for you! <<hugs>>

My thoughts and prayers are with you today. God will be with you as well, don't forget that honey.........jessi

Thanks, mymissy, beginagain, and jessi. I did remember that God was with me, too, Jessi. HE helped me enormously.

WH's lawyer asked for a continuance because she says she only received my estimated monthly expenses that morning. They were sent to her office or put in her court box on Thursday.

My expenses show a deficit of $1800 a month beyond my salary. They are objecting to the expenses I listed for monthly recreation--$150 for books, $100 for movies. This is part of the additional $800 a month I'm asking for above the $1000 he gives me every month. His lawyer will depose me to question me about these expenses sometime in the coming 2 weeks.

It's all just games.

Did you have to see WH?

Yes, I did. The only people in the courtroom were the bailiff, the judge, 2 attorneys, my sister, WH, and me.

My sister used her body to shield me from view, as I was very tearful at first. I would have had to testify about my estimated monthly expenses if the judge hadn't granted WH's attorney's request for a continuance.

It just means I'll have to do it on April 1--after I'm deposed. My attorney says she's making a mistake deposing me before I have completed my answers to the interrogatories. I've asked for an extension on those so that I can get all of the danged copying done.

I saw WH again in the lobby after the continuance was granted. Both of us had to wait for our attorneys who were discussing events/plans after court adjourned. He was staring at me and I asked him what he wanted. He said he was just waiting for his lawyer.

I was much calmer after, as we stood in the lobby. I turned my back and talked to my sister until my attorney joined us and WH went into the conference room to join his attorney.

Hmmm--this is more than you asked but it just came pouring out.

I am so glad you had your sis there for support; it definitely helps to give you strength. Now be prepared for the games to begin.

((hugs))......jessi

I'm proud that I didn't fall apart yesterday--some tears at court and a few later in the day, but no despair. Having my sister here helped a lot; I would have been much worse off if she had not come to be here for me.

I had to take her to the airport this afternoon. I'm going to miss having her here. I tried to convince her to just stay and keep sleeping on my sofa, but she said her husband would miss her too much. So selfish!

She was an objective observer of WH. She said he looked ashamed--purely and simply ashamed. Maybe she's just being a good little sis and telling me what I want to hear, but I don't think so. She's very much a Buddhist-- she has an accept-your-karma mentality.

My sister's always been a very astute observer of others. In our dysfunctional childhood, I would always withdraw inwardly and stayed away from our abusive mother as much as possible. She would always watch our mother and learned how to predict "safety" or "warning" based on our mother's actions. Mom wasn't an alcoholic; she was a bitter, jealous person who always made sure to leap at any opportunity to put one of us in our place--under her heel. Fun times growing up--not.

Back to the main point--my sister pointed out that my WH stared and stared at me, even when my back was to him. I know, I know--I shouldn't invest any time in trying to decipher this, but if you know me at all, you know I've given it some thought. I think the reality of divorce could be hitting him, coupled with the fact that DS25 didn't want to have anything to do with him this weekend while DS was home for Spring Break.

My sister advised me to stay dark and let it fester. I think that's good advice. Any opinions?

H&G, sorry to not be here to offer you the support I would have wanted to offer. My internet has been buggy for months and since it is in WH's name, I can't call about it.

I am glad to hear that your sister was there to support you. By your account, it sounds like you held up quite well. Congrats. This is a HUGE victory, even if you don't believe it now. Now, it IS possible that you will have a HUGE crash very soon. Your WH will most likely be on your thoughts a lot lately.

H&G,
You did great at court! It is so hard to focus without emotion there, but you did well.

I remember the first time in court with xwh, I was alone. Nobody else with me. I had no family in that area, and had just moved to the area.

I saw in the aisle (looked almost like a pew) in front of me, that somebody had carved a cross onto it. I saw it as my sign to focus on prayer and I did. I realized in that moment I was not alone and got thru the day.

Your sis is astute, and is correct. Your wh is a victim now of all the negative energies and lies he has conspired with the ow to create. it's like antimatter. Dark, destructive, and explosive. He sees now he has REALLY destroyed things.

But do not ever think you know what goes on inside the wayward mind. Fwiw, when we had our final meeting, out of court, where we actually settled with our respective attorneys, when they read the agreement we were going to sign that day ALOUD, my xh began sobbing.

He did. I mistook his sobs for regret and sadness. When the lady who did the transcription read the agreement, especially the part of when and where our child would go for certain holidays, etc, he began sobbing and when she got to the part where she read about the agreement of me going back to my MAIDEN name, he began sobbing again. When that happened, I even began crying. You would think, the crazy man would have dropped everything he was doing and stopped it dead cold at that second, but he didn't. He had a pregnant mistress pushing him to do it, in fact she was threatening legal action (ie..lots of child support and a court appearance too) if he didn't marry her.

So that day, after what I saw, he continued ahead on a path of destruction.

Now I am 100 percent sure your xwh has regret and is sad. But the question we can never answer, and only in the WS mind is the truth known, is what is enough to make him stop doing what he is doing. He might not.

Or he might.

But that is HIS problem to solve, not precious H&G's. YOUR job is to move forward, heal yourself, love yourself and the kids, heal them, and protect yourself and the kids financially while all this negative energy, this horrible affair continues.

One thing is for certain however, if your WH is a wayward, and an active and unrepentant wayward, even if he is a regret-filled wayward, you have to go to great lengths to protect yourself from him and the parasite ow. Affairs need money to survive, and if and when a divorce comes into play, you can guarantee one thing.

LIARS WON'T PLAY FAIR. So you go for the jugular when it comes to financial division and support. No confirmed liar will suddenly, out of the blue, become loving and giving and do the right thing for the person he/she wronged at all. It's not in their wayward nature to do that.

Keep up the good fight! YOU are great

No need to apologize, Scotty. I knew something was going on with you or you would have been here. I'm glad it wasn't illness or something else.

Yes, he will, I think, be in my thoughts. I'm trying to not dwell on him or his actions.

My sis is the best. She flew in and wouldn't accept even half of the cost of her ticket. She brought me a Pandora bracelet with a "Best Sis" charm for it. She fed my soul with her wisdom.

I do agree this was a HUGE victory for me. The thing I wanted to do most was to get a hug from him, but I didn't go over and fling myself into his arms. I didn't even think about doing that, but just tried to stay calm and collected while we were in the lobby. It was hard to do when I knew he was staring at me. I thought when I turned my back to him to face my sister that he stopped, so my sis and I were laughing and talking and paying him no mind. Except that she was watching him stare at me.

I did look exceptionally well yesterday. Maybe.....oh, never mind. Speculation is useless.

Peachy, thanks so much for your comments, especially the story about your WXH's tears on divorce day. It's a sobering story for me.

I do still live on hope, but your quote in my sig has really helped me focus on what I need to do for myself and my family. I even printed that quote and have it hanging inside the supply closet door--I read it every morning and it strengthens me.

It kills me to do it, but I am going for WH's jugular over our marital assets. If he marries Dumpy, then my kids will lose a great deal of the money they, too, sacrificed for so that we could have our present level of comfort. What's mine will become theirs someday, so I'm protecting their interests by doing this.

I'm letting God deal with the wayward. I believe HE knows what to do.

Mymissy and Jessi--thanks for the kind words and hugs today. They helped me so much.

I am about to begin Plan B. He just told me he doesnt ever plan to come home. When you say protect your finances..what do you mean? I was told filing for divorce is the only way to prevent misuse

Welcome to MB, Debbie. I am sorry that you are facing Plan B.

You will get the best advice if you start your own thread, rather than post on someone else's. In the meanwhile, please read this this thread on how to Plan B correctly:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787

Tell us about your marriage and the problems you are facing.

Sometimes, Debbie, filing for divorce IS the only way to protect your finances. If your H is spending your joint money on his affair, or in any other way depriving you of money, then this might be an urgent step.

We can advise you more if you tell us about your marriage on your own thread. Is legal separation is existence in your state?

Debbie, I hope you've started your own thread. Take all advice given and run with it. The veterans here know what they're talking about.