So around I go, back to my original thread - "H is nicer when he doesn't have me?"

I moved out 1 1/2 weeks ago and there had been no communication between H and I (at my request) until last night, when he and I needed to discuss some things about the house, bills, etc. While we were able to have a civil discussion, I would rather not have spoken to him at all - we were on the phone. He's a jokster by nature and made a few light jokes in the conversation which I just sort of dodged, because I was not in a joking mood. I'm still so angry with him and the week of no communication was kind of nice for me because its almost like he didn't exist.

Anyways, we got some snow last night and I just got a text from him asking if I was sure I didn't want the other car, and a picture of the car buried under a snow-laden tree.

There is not a doubt in my mind that he is communicating with OW as well and it irritates me that he tries to make jokes. Its just like it was when we were separated last year. I would occasionally get funny little texts from him or something. I'd rather he didn't do this, especially because I'm pretty sure he's also talking to OW. Advice on how to respond? I want to remain civil, but firm.

Nice words such as "your jokes are offensive and derogatory to me as your wife especially since you have done little of nothing to stop commiting adultery"

Short and sweet ...

I communicate with WXH only via text and email re: kids and after a less than stellar Plan B, I have been able to keep all communication FACTUAL. No jokes, so sympathy. For example, he was snowed-in in DC, and he would make little editorial comments like you would with a friend, and I only wanted to know if he would be in town to get DD6 from school!

I don't respond to any of that - no 'safe travels,' or 'that sucks!' -- Nothing. It has been incredibly empowering for me to set my own rules about how I want to interact with him and then keep it.

I agree with Xua - ignore everything he sends you unless it is necessary business. Be like Dragnet - just the facts, ma'm!

Hi all, its been awhile. H and I are still separated and I will be filing for D when the separation period is over. We signed the property settlement a month ago. I am living in a condo with a friend from college and a new roommate. It is a positive environment for me, and contact between H and I have been minimal. While I do not have to contribute towards the mortgage on the house, which I co-own with H, my name must remain on the house for the next 18 months, lest he go into foreclosure. Two months ago, I made it clear that I did not want OW living in the house with him while the house has MY name on it. He gave me his word that he would not bring her into the house. I should have seen that for the bald-faced lie that it was.

During some email communication between H and I last week about mail and bills, he mentioned having a roommate moving in (that was agreed upon in the property settlement, that he would get a roommate to help cover the cost of the mortgage, etc.). However, something about the way he worded his emails last week about his roommate gave me pause and I became suspicious that his roommate was indeed OW.

Well, I found this to be the truth this past weekend when I had to stop by the house to collect my last few items. I didn't give him much notice (on purpose) and it was clear that they had been scrambling. OW was hiding somewhere in the house (her car was out front), so I know she was home, and it was evident that they had just been snuggling (or doing whatever else) on the couch. As H took something down for me that was hanging from the ceiling, I told him that OW could come out of hiding. He gave me a blank look like he didn't know what I was talking about. This is the look he gives when he's been caught and is stalling for time. Another of the items I had to collect was a tarp. He carried it out to the car with me (where my friend was waiting because she drove) and as we walked I said, "You must really think I'm stupid, don't you." He gave me another blank look and said "What?" as though he hadn't heard what I said - I know that look. Then I made a slight gesture to her car as we passed it and said again, "You think I'm stupid don't you." As he placed the tarp in the trunk I said, "I told you you wouldn't waste any time" (I said that to him when I left back in January and he had the nerve to get insulted at the time but I know that he didn't like that I was able to read him so well). As he walked away I said, "You know you're a piece of [censored], right?". He just said, "Yup" and continued to walk away - this is what he does when he's blowing you off.

I had a smile plastered on my face the entire time walking from the house and saying what I said. My friend later stated that by the smile on my face as we walked towards the car, she thought that we were actually getting along. As he and I had walked out of the house, I purposely locked him out. So my friend and I sat there and laughed and watched him realize he was locked out and had to go around to the side of the house to get the spare key. Then we drove off.

All in all, I had been doing well these last 8 weeks but am so angry now. I had a feeling they were communicating but to see them living together in MY house so soon! I cannot believe the gall of either of them. I hadn't realized until now that I had held out hope that even though H and I would never again be together, that he would take this experience and straighten up and fly right and do good for himself, his family, and especially for God. But such is not the case.

Also, can anyone provide advice about exposure of the A or is it too late for me?

If you keep sending "quips" at him, you are not getting anywhere, only cememnting in his mind how "childish" YOU are.
This will help solidify the A.

What plan are you in?

Yeah, I agree, it is insulting to have OW move in so quick, but that is just the Foggy brain driving his descisions.

Good luck to you.

Thanks Barbiecat,

I had wondered if I was crossing a line with the few words that I said but I kept it to just a few words - otherwise, I would have blown up. Bottom line, I had to say SOMEthing. I stood by silent for too long while he took advantage of me - he really has no respect for me at all.

I am not in any plan. I went into Plan B back in January, but its not Plan B anymore when you're going for divorce, right? As soon as I left, I knew I was never coming back. His constant lying and cheating and my continuing to fight for the marriage was destroying me - spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Since I have left, I actually feel NOTHING towards him - except anger lately. I don't hate him or wish him dead or anything, but I do not harbor any sort of loving feelings towards him either. He has effectively killed all of that.

I will not seek revenge, but right now, I hope they both rot in hell. Harsh words yes, but I'm that angry right now. Where is the justice for me?

Just curious Val -- but who told you that you have to stay on the mortgage? That just doesn't sound right to me.

H is not eligible for refinance on the house with just his name. So, I agreed to keep my name on the house. I do not have to make any mortgage payments, and I am not responsible for the sell of the house when that time comes. It is stated in our property settlement that H has 18 months to sell or refinance because then my name will be removed and he will either have sold the house by then, or go into foreclosure.

My issue is this - he obviously had this in the works the entire time we were negotiating the property settlement and waited until the ink was dry - until my name was locked on the house until the 18 months is up (for refinance or sale), and then moved OW in. I just don't understand why, if he had this planned all along, H couldn't just agree to take my name off the house and put OW's name on?

I'm not a mortgage broker or lender or anything so maybe there's something I'm missing, but he's basically taken advantage of me AGAIN and I feel helpless and angry. Guess that's what they really mean when they say life is not fair.

Why is that your problem? He had an affair your not living there nor paying half of the mortgage so why should your name be on a house that you are not living in.

There have been too many women on these and other boards where they loss their houses when their stbx's stopped paying on the house.

You need to rethink this because he has already shown you that he is not trustworthy.