I agree with PM. Your WH hasn't hit rock bottom yet because he's still got his wife and his girlfriend. Close that door by going to Plan B, Phoenix, and let his cheating girlfriend deal with him alone. See how long that lasts.

I went back in Plan B last night. At least I got my washer fixed by him yesterday before I did that. I have blocked him from my computer again. I even unfriended him on facebook. Bet he hasn't even noticed. Plan on filing for divorce in April when I get the money, which I should have by the end of the month. Unfortunately, I plan on having some plastic surgery and I would rather use the money for that. Oh well, either way the money will be spent on something good for me.

Saw my therapist today. She told me again that if it wasn't for my faith that I wouldn't be where I am at today. My faith has made me strong. She said that the reason my WH has been mad and upset at me is because he is feeling guilty and can't understand why I can still live him and why am I praying for him. My WH can't seem to push my buttons anymore. She said my WH would rather have me mad at him and angry so he would feel better and that he could understand that. She told me that when I was ready I would divorce him and that I should not listen to anyone else about divorcing my WH because I have to live with myself and my decisions. She is right and I told my mother this and she said in other words you are telling to butt outand I said yes. She laughed and said she understood.

Yes, I still love my WH and I am still praying for him but it is time for me to divorce him. Maybe one day he will wake up. Maybe if he is lucky I will be around and maybe I won't.

I am now down 40# and 25# to go to get to my goal. I have only 8# to go to be where I was before all this crap happened. I just want to lose 17# after that to be where I want to be.

It is nice to see my WH having all the troubles he is having. He brought it on himself. If he had been a good person and had been faithful none of this would have happened.

I agree that if you are mad then he can call you a "big meany" and feel sorry for himself. I think thats pretty common with addicts also.

Glad to hear you are reaching your weight goals and looking after yourself. After his rock bottom hit lately it will be up to him to get himself together. As you have said, there is probably an expiration date on how long you will wait for him to work on your marraige.

Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. Its funny that it the obedience that does the work, even though most of our capacity remains small. I tried to have faith when my wife was drinking and screwwing around, and was mad at myself for not having strength and hurting. Thats no way to go believe me. It would have been better if I was afraid of losing myself and the pain I was feeling, than try to get "More faith".

You just keep listening to God, and working on you. WH is in Gods hands anyways, he allways was, even if he doesn't listen to him.

Thanks, Constant, I do love my H but he just doesn't love himself even though he is selfish and thinks only of himself. He thinks otherwise but his actions speak louder than words. The only thing my WH has left to lose is his apartment and I'm wondering when that will happen. He can go live with the OW then and let her support him. The only way he can come home is if he really wants to work on our marriage and he won't because then he would have to admit he was wrong. He also said God couldn't make him come home. I'm also waiting for DD20 to finally get fed up with my H and move back home. I give it about 1-2 months and she will be back.

Still hoping and praying.

Haven't heard from my WH in about 2 weeks but then I blocked him from my computer and cell phone. Usually that doesn't stop him, he always seems to get around it.

Saw a friend of my WH who lives near us and he knew that WH had gotten arrested for DUI because he saw his mug shot in a mug shot magazine about 3 weeks ago. Friend didn't know that WH had lost his job but said that WH is an idiot and that he got what he deserved. Friend also said that WH probably wants to come home but doesn't know how. I don't care, if he wants to come home then OW can take care of him.

Going to proceed with divorce because of everything my WH is doing and I don't want to be connected to it.

On a good note though, I am down 43# with 22# to go to reach my goal. I go back on my HCG diet in a week, hopefully I'll be down 2# by then and have only 20# left. I'll be down to my desired weight by the end of May.

Still hoping and praying.

Phoenix, you sound so much stronger every time you post.

Good you are no longer trying to "save" WH. You are not a missionary and he has to save himself, especially with the drinking also.

Continue working on yourself. You are doing great.
I was just talking to someone about that HCG diet. She had lost quite a bit of weight. Do you mind asking if you have kept in the 500 calorie a day cycle which I think she did for 20 days? Did you experience any side effects. I had lost 47 pounds but the scale is starting to creep back out so I am ready to take the bull by the horns again and get back on track.

Blessings to you.

I keep my calorie content from 480-520 cal/day. HCG is suppose to make you think you are pregnant and with the low calorie diet your body goes for the fat stores and it does. I am under a doctor/nurse practioner's care the whole time. The first time I was on the diet for 2 cycles of 30 days and I have to off the diet for at least 3 weeks. I resume the diet this weekend after being off for 4 1/2 weeks. I hope to be down at least another 2# by this weekend and it looks like I will.

Found out yesterday that WH hasn't been able to sleep because of everything that has been going on in his life with finances at the top right now. His guilt is also eating him up. Well, he dug himself into this deep pit and now he has to get himself out of it. Guess he better turn to the OW since she is the reason he is there. I think he is finally realizing, "oh crap, what have I done!" Everything goes back to the OW. He would not have lost his job if he hadn't had to mess around with her. He would not have destroyed his marriage and his family if he didn't have to mess around wth her, he would not have lost his 2nd job if he had not been arrested for drinking and driving because he had to be drinking heavily if had not been messing wiht her. My WH has lost everything and he will not ever recover from this because he is 48yrs with diabetes and high cholesterol, no job, no car, no license, and no education. Maybe he can work at McDonalds. He doesn't knowhow he is going to pay his bills, ask the OW.

Planning on cutting grass tomorrow and then going to beach for a couple of hours in my new 2 piece bathing suit from Victoria's Secret. I look good now and I am going to enjoy myself.

Still hoping and praying.

Phoenix, t

hanks for the info on the diet part. Wow the calories are low. did you have any problem with hair loss since your body will start feeding off any protein in your body? I think I am going to start the 17 day diet and see how that goes.

Ok now back to WH. He has come to that place where he is reaching his bottom and spiraled down. He needs to reach that dark place to see the results of his bad choices. Is or has he ever been in a program like AA for his drinking?

How do you feel that he has reached this bottom? Is your love bank totally tapped out for him now? I know that you really wanted to recover the M before.

Congrats on taking good care of yourself and buying that new bathing suit from Victorias. BS rock when given the chance.

Hope,

I take a lot of supplements. I take a multivitamin twice a day, biotin everyday, magnesium and calcium daily, vitamin D3, and other stuff to help. I lost almost all fat. I also get a vitamin B12, B5, B6 and lipotropics shot weekly(i do it myself). The diet is easy to do, it is just the first few days that are the hardest.

If WH hasn't hit rock bottom he is almost there. Yes, I still want my marriage to succeed, but I need to divorce him to protect myself because of his DUI. They might go after my house or expect me to pay because we are still married. There is no such thing as legal separation in the state of Florida. I still love my WH and that is only through the Grace of God that I do. And it is because of God that I am doing so well at the moment. It is through Him that I get my strength.

Still hoping and praying.

I get this...

Great news on your successes PR

Hi CP, glad to hear from you and everyone else. I am doing great and now posting on other threads. I am gaining more and more confidence everyday thanks to God. I feel great about myself. I am making plans for the future and things are looking up. I can't believe it has been almost 2 years since I discovered my WH affair and 18months since I started coming to marriage builders. My original thread was lost during the 2009 void. I had actually started a thread around the beginning of Sept 2009 then everything here crashed.

WH is still looking for a job and has been applying on line. With the economy as it is and him without a college education he is going to have a hard time getting a decent paying job. I tried for years to get him to go to college but he refused and now he is paying for it. But then he wouldn't be in his present situation if he had been a faithful husband. If he had been faithful he never would have started drinking and drinking heavily and he never would have been drinking and driving. It is a shame because he was a good man with a great future ahead of him and now he has no future. And I cannot get him out of this, he has to and he can get the OW to help him since she put him there. I'm betting money she will up and disappear real soon. If she can't make her marriage last 5 or 6 years how long do you expect her to be with my WH.

Still hoping and praying.

WH pre-trial was Tuesday but don't know what happened but I did notice on the county clerks web site that his trial is set for April 26th at 0830. Found out from a friend of mine that since WH refused to blow he will automatically lose his license for a year. I think that once I file for divorce and he loses his trial(which he will) he will probably hit rock bottom. Hope he doesn't think OW will stand by him for long but if she does she can have him, all of his problems, and all of his money. Oops, sorry, he doesn't have any!

Still hoping and praying.

I am back on my HCG diet and hoping for the best. I have 22# left to go and I will be at my goal weight. I would like to lose 7# more after that but I'll take my time on that.

At 0520 this morning my DD20 pomeranian was barking because DD23 was up walking in the dark. I slept a little longer and then was awake for awhile. I got up just after 7 and let the dogs out but she didn't come out. I wasn't worried because she'll do that sometime. I went into the kitchen/dining area and found her I thought asleep. She wasn't. She had died in her sleep. Don't know what of. She was only 11yrs old and Poms live a long time and she hadn't been sick at all. As a matter of fact, she was very active. You wouldn't believe she was 11. It killed me to have to tell DD20 that her dog had died. WH text me and want to know if he could help bury her and I told him no that I would take care of it. He kept trying to get me to pick him up and bring him here. I kept telling him no. I buried Cookie beside our boxer in the side yard. I did just fine until I had to cover her with dirt. It really hurt to do this by myself. I kept thinking that my WH should be here by my side doing this. Even though he wanted to come and do this I wouldn't let him because of everything he has done.

Still hoping and praying.

Oh that's awful. Poor puppy.

I bet dd is devastated. Sorry you had to do that. WH has to know that things aren't ok with his life as it is.

Btw, are you in a plan B or plan ? Which plan is it?

Are you in plan D and personal recovery now?

Wishing you the best and peace for a good night. Again, sorry for the loss of the sweet puppy.

Sorry to hear about your Pomm PR

Right now I am in no plan. I am planning on getting a divorce as soon as I get the money. I am just taking one day at a time and now I just take care of me and I work for myself. Back on my HCG diet now and I am getting my hair done this coming Friday.

Went to breakfast after early Church with DD20 and got compliments on my dress. One lady came back a second time to let me know hw much she liked my dress. I have to admit I did look good in that dress.

Well, the cycle of life continues on. DD20 dog Cookie died this morning and her horse, Baby, had a foal named, Gaelan, tonight. She is solid black with a tiny white mark on her forehead. She stays with my parents in Tennessee.

Still hoping and praying.

Well, I guess you could say I am in plan B moving into plan D. I leave WH alone, don't have anything to do with him. Right now several people think he is trying to test the waters to see if he can come back. I kind of doubt it. He dug his own deep pit with the OW help and she can get him out of it. I actually doubt she'll be around much longer never mind being able to get him out of that pit. WH trial is April 26th and after that he won't have a license for a year and no telling how big of a fine. Wish I was already divorced. WH still doesn't have a job.

Still hoping and praying.

Hi Phoenix, just stay out of his way for when he crashes. No rescue, you are not a missionary and you do not have to save him. He has to hit rock rock bottom and have repentance. Without that there will be no changes just more waywardness.

Keep up your good work taking care of yourself. How much weight did you lose totally? I just weighed myself this morning and lost 4 pounds anc counting on this 17 day diet.

I am so sorry to hear about your dog. One of my dogs is 11 also and she sleeps alot these days while the 2 year old dog spins circles around her. At least she went peacefully instead of going to the vets all the time.

Blessings.

Don't worry, Hope, I am not going to save my WH. He would have to have true repentance and I don't think that is coming. It might happen for a while, but I think after he got over everything he would be back at it again. I will be truthful, I do love him and want him back but right now if he came back it would be because he couldn't make it on his own. I refuse to support him any longer.

I have lost 43# so far with at least 22# to go. I started back on the HCG diet again this week. Have plans for the next couple of months and they don't have my WH in any of them.

Getting my hair cut, styled, and highlighted this Friday. I am so looking forward to this. Plan on getting new pictures taken for my facebook page this weekend. Like they say, the best revenge is looking good and I look great!

Still hoping and praying.

I just read through your entire thread (it took me three days). I have to say you are very strong and have handled things well. One thing I would mention though is I would hate to see you lose your house just because you procrastinated getting a divorce. Protect your lifelong investment if you have to borrow from your dad to do it! Get the ball rolling asap! I can't stress this enough. My XH sunk me financially, sticking me with all of his bills and his business' bills...I didn't even get a tax deduction out of it because the business was in his name. I, like you, had wanted to save the marriage but if I'd acted faster, I wouldn't be in the financial situation I'm in now.

Another caution...if he comes crawling back to you, with your loving him and wanting to save the marriage, it could be very tempting to take him back, esp. if he snows you about how he loves you, missed you, wants things to work, etc. But as much as he has breeched your marital vows you need to be extremely cautious and NOT trust him. He needs to have a long proving ground and not gain financially in any way whatsoever if he comes back, he needs to be completely self-sufficient. Make a list of stiplulations now while your wits are about you and hang on to it in case you get weak, please, to protect yourself from future heartache. One of those stipulations might be having his driver's license back, having a job, no drinking, attending AA, attending church with you, a professed belief in God (not just head knowledge of), meeting your EN, counseling, contributing equally to the household finances and chores, NO being alone with other women, you having full access to passwords, computer, cell phone, etc. and anything else you can think of to add. Do NOT make it easy for him! He needs to show he wants you for the right reasons and how hard he is willing to work for it. You did so great up until you took him back and then it seemed like you took too much stuff off of him and haven't been in a true complete Plan B since. Plan B should include not hearing about him through daughters and not checking up on him to find out how he's doing. You aren't truly independent of him until you reach the place where you truly are not affected of him...otherwise he still holds power over you. Hand him completely over to God. Don't look on line or in the paper or talk to friends about him in an effort to find out information. Tell your friends and children you do not want to know anything about him. The only contact should be he is ready to come back and then get out your stipulation list, dust it off and see how he's doing in comparison.

I applaud your weight loss, your outlook, your financial independence, your strength. I know God has been through it all with you and will continue. He is our strength!