I've been laying low and keeping busy. Thought I had taxes all worked out. FIL made proposal to D!ck to report lower temporary alimony in return for giving him the house write off. I make the house payment -- but I wanted to try and show a lower income amount to help DS and DD with college financial aid. Simple, really. An even exchange.

D!ck agreed. Then reneged. Says he'll only agree if I throw in one kid. Seriously? He wants the full deduction even though he hasn't paid a dime of any of her expenses EXCEPT the minimum court support. I PAID sports fees, dresses for proms, gas/registration/insurance for car, cell phone, private high school tuition and books, etc.

I HATE THIS -- THIS -- I can't call him a "man" because this is a disserve to all men!!! I'm ready to call one of my long lost Italian mafia relatives to measure him for cement shoes. Wait -- he wears size 12. I'm placing my order!!!!!

F him!!! F him!!!!

You poor thing. I can not beleive how this situation has played out over the.... 86 that, I can beleive it.

Keep strong, this cannot last forever.
BC

{{{holyheart}}}
I am so sorry for all of the crap you are having to deal with.
And wish I had better words of advice; is it possible to speak to a financial advisor. Maybe they could help you with the advice and planning you need? Including helping DD's with college? Maybe then armed with that information you and your lawyer could just get you out of this mess. But I certainly would not concede anything you don't want to to D!ck.

Hugs

Takes out yard stick and measures to size 12 shoes, pour cement and mixes with water.....did I mention that I am an east coast 100% eye-talian

Believe me, in the end he will be wearing a full cement body cast from all the guilt he has caused. Did I hear a splash???

I just needed to vent last night and MB had the "open" sign still lit. Thanks for all your support. I know I'll get past this hurdle then on to the next.

You know, early on, someone posted that I should put on my hiking boots since it was likely to be a long journey. I just never imagined that I'd still be hiking three years later and dealing with a man who I care less if he lives or dies.
I'm in the indifference stage. I just want him to go away for ever.

And I pray this isn't the part of my story where the prodical WH decides to show up on my door step with hat in hand because that would be just too cruel and -- well, that hat would end up where the sun don't shine!

Taxes done. FAFSA done. I had to negotiate with the devil and I didn't like it one bit. But I had to do what I had to do. And it's time to move on.

On Monday, for the first time in two years, D!ck and I had our first face-to-face. He left a form for me to sign which authorized him to take one of the kids as a dependent. Grrrrr about that! Anyway, just to mess with him, I text that the form was signed and I'd drop it off at his job. He text back "fine." So I went.

We had a half hour parking lot conversation. Me in my SUV with engine running and radio playing. And was I ever cool and collected.

He stood in the parking stall next to my car. All vulnerable and exposed. I started with "When are we going to get this D done?" He replied "never since you won't agree to anything."

Very calmly I said "Come on. It's been two years. We need to get this done. It's EMBARRASING with us still being married. Time to sit down and go item by item and get on with our lives."

Yep, that was ME talking. I even said "I care nothing about you. Time to move on and we can't as long as we're still married."

Then he danced around the subjects of jobs, house, debt, cars, retirement, attorney bills, bankruptcy... everything.

I love this that I said. I said "You've ended up with two wives and six kids. We need to get this done." He fired back "actually SEVEN kids since we took in a kid who was having a hard time."

WHY WOULD HE TELL ME THAT? When he won't even support our three kids, but he has the "heart" to take in a stray? I see more manipulation on her side. Just like her wanting a puppy for them. (Then it gets run over when her kids let it out without a leash and they get a SECOND puppy!)

Anyway, he sounds no where near ready to get this settled. He says he's filing for bk next month --- same thing I've heard for the past 8 months.

And how did our conversation end? He mentioned that he needed to get back into the office for a meeting, but didn't stop talking. It was only when a woman actually walked out to my car to motion him in that he said he needed to go and called back "Call me."

Now the part I -- and those of you who follow my story-- expected would happen. Three hours later -- 20 minutes after he got off work-- I got the text "Please do not stop by my job again. All D discussions need to go through the attnys."

I text back "You are paranoid. I dropped off a form you wanted. Don't read anymore into this. She shouldn't be jealous of me."

He replied "Bimbo is actually glad we finally agreed on something. Hopefully we can move forward on the D."

[hello -- what did we agree upon? Nothing.]

My response "Awwww. That's so mature of her. Finally she sees that we have to talk once in a while to move on. And you spending time with your kids will be better in the long run too since they aren't a threat to her either. Have a nice night."

Thus the problem to getting this D processed. He doesn't want to do the dirty work. She doesn't want her lifestyle affected by me or our kids. They are willing to let this drag out to maintain the status quo. And I'm stuck -- unless I unleash the hounds and find/fund another attorney to play offense.

What to do, what to do. Remember, they are ENGAGED so I'm sure there is pressure on his side to follow through with a wedding.

Oh, another thing he said in our conversation. That I need to get married again. I said that would be great except I have to be divorced first in order to do that. He also tried to convince me to stop paying on the house, to find a rental, to start drawing on a retirement plan which I can next year. Funny how he has advice for me!

And the encounter. It seemed like old times but for the first time in a long time, I was non-emotional. I wondered about what his coworkers thought because he works in a glass building and I'm sure lots of them could see him having a 30 minute conversation with someone sitting in her car with the motor running.

He also didn't rant. Didn't call me a name. Didn't disrespect me. Didn't walk away. I didn't bring up kids or OW or taboo subjects. I put myself on his level, especially when he brought up a settlement. I said I gave him one but he chose to ignore it. He said 15 pages was too much. I said "we're both business people. You start big knowing things will be negotiated down. Look at it and tell me what you can or can't live with." He said "You should have taken my settlement when I offered you $50K." I said "it wasn't in writing. Chicken scratch from your attorney to mine doesn't cut it. Come back with a real offer and I'll consider it."

Anyway, I've been having weird dreams all week since this encounter. Him wanting to come home and me not letting him. Maybe... finally... my mind and my heart are in sync.

Wow Holy, he's still so wayward. I know you're ready to get this done but I don't think dealing with him directly is going to accomplish much but bring up all the old stuff to the surface again and again. No wonder he's invading your dreams. He's actually done more than that to your dreams.

No advice at this point, just wanted to say hi and let you know others care,

(((Holyheart)))

Thank, PM. I knew I was venturing into shark infested waters but I felt it important for him to see me as in control and emotionless. It's been TWO YEARS since we talked face-to-face and that time I was a crying, whiny mess begging him not to do this to me and the kids. Is that really the last impression I want to give this guy?

The parking lot encounter was my GAL moment. That he's no longer the boss of me. It was time that I stood up for me, and I did. Don't worry -- I have no intention of calling him. I just wanted him to see for himself that I am ME instead of the person he's so eager to complain about.

Also -- WH now works 2 miles from our house. My guess is that OW is plenty paranoid that he might be stopping by for a quicky in the afternoon. I would bet a million dollars that she drives by his office often to make sure he's where he's suppose to be because -- GASP! -- she doesn't trust him. So now that it's been documented that I -- GASP!-- dropped by his work in the middle of the afternoon and we -- GASP!-- had a conversation in the parking lot -- well, let her imagination fly.

The dreams are just dreams. We were together 30 years and the D is stalled. I would expect these since I am not dating and will not date until the D is final.

Does this set me back in my recovery? Hell no. I took a huge leap forward in my book. I looked him in the eye and didn't blink, didn't shead a tear, didn't get weak knees. I needed this to move me along my healing path.

At the beginning of this mess, I did everything to not rock the boat, to protect WH, to "overlook" breaches in n/c just to keep us together. I'm not doing that. I'm calling it like it is. I'm throwing out the truth darts that often get lost in the translation.

We need this D to happen, I know that. I'm not hanging around to outlast the A. He's going to do what he want's to do regardless of how it affects me and our kids. I get that. But instead of him telling his mom and his dad and everyone else that I'm unreasonable or I'm this or that or calling me names and ranting about this or that -- he had to say it to my face. And I didn't buckle.

I'm proud of me.

Holy, you are AMAZING. I understand what you mean about "needing" to do this. I can see how it didn't affect your recovery, I can almost see how it helped you. You got to show that you are STRONG and AMAZING. Good for you.

Quick update. Court last week and surprise, surprise -- NOTHING WAS DONE because D!ck's still pulling the bankruptcy card. It's been 29 MONTHS of this stammering and stalling. I've been to court 16 times -- and STILL D!ck dodges the consequences.

Until the truth comes out, I will not be set free. Because I am ready to be free. And so are my children.

My attorney says he has a plan. To update our settlement proposal and resubmit it followed by a 4-way. If D!ck doesn't agree, all will be reported to the judge at our next court appearance in June.

People are speculating that D!ck doesn't want to marry Bimbo afterall. Who cares. Because whether he wants to or not, when our D is final, she will force him to marry her. She has to "win."

I don't care. Nothing but pity for D!ck. He's gone. Gone. And I don't miss him at all. I'm ready to move on.

Wow, I remember when you first came here. It's kind of 'funny' when you consider how adamant WS's are just after D-day about divorce from the BS and immediate long term marriage to the OP

Holy! Great to see you. I'm not surprised D!ck's still stalling. He doesn't want a day of reckoning. Hope this consequence moves him to action. You and your kids have been going through this way too long.

Even though you are ready to move on, close this door. you need recovery and growth for yourself to heal. Long term growth requires patience. [/quote]

** bump** Any updates?

Thanks for asking.

There is suddenly a rush of text messages from D!ck saying he has to get this settled next week... and without our attorneys.
I speculated that something would happen in May since they have now been engaged a year and... surprise, surprise... he's STILL a married man with no divorce in sight.

Bimbo must be putting the pressure on. D!ck told FIL that he needs this finalized by June 1. Hummm..... I only need one guess.

She's throwing his a$s out IF there is not a signed settlement.

I know Bimbo. Her friends and family are likely asking when's the wedding date. And they are all wondering why -- after 2 and 1/2 years -- this man is not free. You can only blame the wife for so much... especially since HE's the one not showing up for court and HE's the one who filed and, therefore, should be PUSHING for completion.

D!ck's text said he can meet "Tues, Wed, Thurs" --

Just in time for a long, three-day weekend. I think I'm "unavailable" for any meetings. tee, hee

If he's that pressured and that anxious to pull the trigger, then he know what the offer should be. As I said all along, I loved him when he was poor -- now it's her turn.

As for me, I'm happy as can be. I have such an appreciation for life, family and friends. I'm blessed everyday. I'm so thankful that I'm on the betrayed side as opposed to the wayward side. D!ck's consequences are about to see the light of day. Finally. Patience, Holyheart, patience. Let the games begin!

Hi Holy,

Thanks for the update! How do you feel about the D being concluded by June 1st? I wouldn't settle for anything less than what you want, especially all the no shows.

How are the kids doing?

ba

It's nice to hear from you, Holy! I always look forward to your posts because you're always making such vast improvements in your personal recovery, getting stronger, and so forth.

I'd go for the jugular, to be honest, ask for what you know you deserve...

If it were me, I'd ignore his pleas/demands for action and take my own sweet time to do things.

I would stop and smell some roses and do my nails and go see a good movie or play and just use any legal action guidelines that may appear on the calendar to do anything that I didn't feel inspired to do on my own.

Tell him you have more important things to do like having a tooth pulled or a colonoscopy....