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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1 |
I'm trying to show him I'm sorry that I hurt him. I don't know what else to do. I have told him that I will never do anything to jeaprodize our relationship. I will be devoted to him only.
He says he wants me to show him. How? I never been in this position. No one has ever loved me like him. I don't think that I deserve to be with him after all the pain and suffering I caused him. I'm used to just breaking up and moving on. I never had to prove to anyone that I'm sorry.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757
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Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757 |
So what exactly happened, ygj? If you can't tell it straight on an anonymous website, you won't be able to muster the requisite level of openness to recover your relationship with... well, what sort of relationship is it? Are you married? Are you trying to say you had an affair? There's help to be found here, but in order for you to get good help, you need to tell us what's up.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
What are you talking about? We need more details.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 15
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 15 |
"I never had to prove to anyone that I'm sorry." I guess now, you're going to have to try; or else "get to steppin'"
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 318
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 318 |
I want to try to help you the best I can. Trust will never be fully restored the same way it was pre-affair. It just simply won't happen. There will be times when your husband might monitor your life to see if there are any enemies on radar. He has a right to see past your privacy. The only privacy exists is that between a married family and the outside world. Did you just tell your husband recently of your affair? The most intense emotions exist 3 months in. They start to fade to a normal level as the body gets adjusted to the emotional shock you put on his body.
In order to show you are sorry, you need to put in extrodinary precautions (EPS), meet his emotional needs, and to eliminate your love busters. On top of that you must have Undivided Attention time (at your juncture due to your affair) of 25+ hours. You have an unhealthy marriage.
EPs have to be decided from your husband and implemented by you. You can also put some in place, too.
1. No Contact Letter- Write one to OM and have it approved by your husband and he'll send it.
2. Drop male friends - You don't need them.
3. Quit your job - Quit your job if the OM works there with you but keep it if he doesn't work there.
4. Offer keylogger software be put on personal computer and cell phone.
5. Have husband have complete access to cellphone records.
6. Don't communicate with any males outside of business reasonings.
These are some.
I am now getting to the point where I can fully function with my wife again after her adultery. I am triggered to the max when she says things about the place it happened or if I see it. It may be helpful to move out of the area, as well.
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