Well it went well with the lawyer, sounds like it will be another few days until he sends the package over to the dark side. It's a war chest that I started over 4 years ago with the 1st video and PI report.

I didn't start diligently keep a journal until 2 years ago. Wish I had started that earlier, It's a prospective that I had at the time that I was focused on saving the marriage and thought I was making progress. The lessen learned is to start that as soon as you see there is a problem in your marriage, The journal can be as much a story of recovery as it is a record of the efforts you have put into saving the marriage and the documentation of your WS's bad behavior.

For all my talk I haven't gone to court yet, I am still a work progress and will only know if my efforts were worth it after the judge rules. Like anything important, it is a task that has to be your top priority, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR DIVORCE LIKE YOU DO. I know that in spite of the thousands that my lawyer will get that he doesn't care like I do, His life is not on the line.

Even now I already see that I have loads of prep that I need to do to get ready for court. It is my goal to make the court see each point of law concerning alimony and based on my evidence can rule in my favor. I know that isn't going to just happen, I have a uphill battle to fight.

As far as I know the WW has no idea what I'm throwing at her.
I would love to be a fly on the wall when the WW sits down with her lawyer and they look at what I have. Who knows, it may rattle her and loosen her up some on her demands...... one can hope.

Even with all of it, it still comes down to simply the exposure of the A's, and that is the last thing the court looks at.

As it turns out the journal I have kept of my WW's work history, may be one of the most important things I have done.

Well it's off to work I go, be nice to get a vacation from the house. Funny it's just the opposite of how I use to feel. Used to couldn't wait to get home.

Good to hear. I got a sense a acceptance, a sadness in your post. Don't lose the fighting spirit now. Believe me there are plenty of decent women out here cheering on the good guys...as there are men cheering on the good women.

This line I quoted, the first two actually, but this one hit me like a ton of bricks. My 'journaling' consists of misc word files scattered all over my computer, nothing concrete and nothing in one place, just thoughts written, and files saved. (My RL paperwork isn't in much better shape unfortunately). So yeah, these first two are so very important. (says my hindsight yet to see).






now, for flies...I think her lawyers office would need a major exterminatiion done if people could be flies. you would have a great back up squad, we could all dive bomb her....hmmmm, the movie birds....by fly.





this is great...


Not much I can say here other than, I understand.

SC, I hope that after her attorney gets a look at all of your evidence, that he will advise her to try mediation again. It sounds like you have excellent proof of her neglect of her business, and your WW surely doesn't really want all her vile actions to become a matter of public record.

I went to my local court yesterday to observe the non-contested divorces since my mediation did work out. In those divorces, only the person who filed has to go, and they spend about 5-10 minutes testifying and then the divorce is granted. That's a much better scenario.

Good luck and have a safe trip.

Heard from the dark side yet?

Nope not yet,

I touched base with my lawyer this afternoon, he wants to talk to me one more time before he sends of the package. I would guess the Dark side gets it Thursday or Friday for sure.

Not sure how long after that it will be before the WW gets called into her lawyer's office. I would like to hope by this time next week, the WW will sitting down reading her own words of her adultery, and watching herself on video.

As much as I hope to have the WW react to all this, I am trying to expect not reaction at all or at best just her being pissed off.

Best part is just that it is a small step forward to the eventual end.

If you have that long a list, expect her to get pissed off. She will most likely try to have some of it declared as inadmissible, etc, etc. Anything to make you spend more on your lawyer and wear you down.

I wonder why your lawyer needs to talk to you again. He needs to get her done!

And expecting no reaction from the WW is probably good thing. But I can't help but think she will feel something negative when she sees it all.

I agree. If you can demonstrate that she HAS the earning capability and is purposely earning less to increase an alimony award, you'll be in much better shape. What type of alimony are you looking at? From what I understand there are four types in Tennessee.

SC, are you still living with your WW?

I started to say that you'll probably never really know her response, but then I remembered that last I heard y'all were still living together. At your next meeting with your lawyer, I'd suggest that you discuss separation with him. Living apart will help your recovery.

Oh, and yeah, she's going to be angry. Very angry. 'Specially when her attorney explains how your records will affect her case.

Thanks for all the input,

I know that no matter what they do to declare some of the war chest inadmissible, there is enough that will slip thru that will leave no doubt in the court's mind as to her conduct.

I spoke to my lawyer today only for about 5min he only had one minor question, he wanted to double check with me tomorrow before I get out of cell coverage for the next couple of days, His assistant is labeling all the stuff, I expect it has taken hours. the pile was over 6 inches high. My lawyer has til the April 1st to turn it over I hope he's ahead of that.

Princes,

Got to agree with you on the employment issue, non of my journal was submitted in this round, we are planing to get a vocational expert and coupled with her employment history I think I will have a strong case to show her earning power.

Kirby,

Yes we are still in the house together, neither of us is willing to give up the marital home high ground. My way of coping is to runaway as much as I can. I got in 25 days skiing with my boys this season (a record for me) and am planning a cross county bike ride starting in late May and between that and work I bet I don't spend more then a few weeks at the house between now and October. I'll just be in and out as necessary

Don't know that it's a good plan but it's the best I've come up with so far.

I just could not imagine having to live with my stbx while going through a divorce. I am impressed with how much you've been able to stay away as much as you have though.

My J

I guess that's why we are all different, I would have never thought that I would be in this position 4 years ago. Even though we can talk civilly I do my best not to relive what she has done to me. Usually I can pull that off, I think I am so emotionally scared that all this stuff just rolls off me now.

I do know that my situation is a little different than most. Since my job requires me to be away from home, when I have time off I have the freedom to find any excuse to run away, the kids are all out of the house now and it's easy to find an adventure to pursue. I have enjoyed finding things to do away from home.

I have taken all my vacation in June and plan to start the last week of May in Oregon and am going to ride my bike to North Carolina, one of my DS will go with me, and I may have 2 other college kids tagging along. I'm calling it my divorce recovery ride. It was a trip that the WW and I were going to do after I retired.

Between now and then I'm busy getting ready and trying to get some time in on my bike.

On the D front....... nothing new to report other than I came home from my trip the WW is friendly and obviously has not been to her lawyer yet.


I plan to escape to Colorado to ski a few days with my boys this week.

I wonder if it's because men can "compartmentalize" thier thoughts. Regardless, I'm glad you're able to talk civilly, AND detach yourself from the past.

My husband and I were pretty much able to do that, talk civilly that is, the last two months he was here. But all I did was go cry by myself on a daily basis (and for a month after he left), so he felt more comfortable leaving. "He didn't want things to get harder". Like they weren't going to get any harder while he divorced me, would just as well let me sink or swim financially, and trade me in for a newer model. He just didn't want to be here while he made things harder.



Road trip!

Do you have a smart phone, so that you can update us with pics along the way?

I would love to go on some adventures, out of town on a long road trip. Great distractions I'm sure. I'm glad my stbx is not living here, because I cannot afford to get away right now. My goal is to do that in the future. I am thrilled that you get to.



Yay!!

Well I guess it's time for an update,

My lawyer sent the package to the dark side on Apr 1st,

I came home from my trip and then took off to ski with the boys for a couple of days.

This weekend my twin DD's came home for their 22nd birthday, and we had a party for them, everybody had a good time.

I couldn't stand it so I finally ask the WW if she had talked to her lawyer, and she said she had.

No reaction at all, if anything she is acting warmer to me. I would like to think that she has not been to his office and seen the video and emails yet. I just can't imagine not reacting to it.

I learned a couple of years ago now not to have expectations from the WW. Sometimes she would come around and respond in what I would consider normal given the facts, and other times like this one, nothing at all. She is a cool player.

I am disappointed, I had hopes that she would react to it and would look to compromise on the alimony issue.

What I do know is it will end..... it may be another year from now but it will end............

Hang in there. You can get through this.

And, yes, it will take longer than it ought. Just keep enjoying all those great kids of yours as often as you can.

SC,

Any update? How are things going?

Kirby,

I think your the one we should be concerned with I hope you haven't floated away, and that your place is on high enough ground.

Thanks for checking on me, not to much to tell right now, still no reaction from the WW on what I sent over, it took my lawyer another month to send our questions over to her side. Their side got them the 1st of this month. I expect it will take a full month or more to get response.


I expect now that if I'm lucky we will do our depositions in late July or more likely August. Then maybe I can get a court date set before the end of the year.

Now on the the more fun part of my life, I mentioned that I am planning a bike ride across the US this summer, I have taken all my vacation for the year in June and when I finish the work trip I am on will load up and fly to Oregon to start the ride with my DS23 and one of his roommates from college.

There is a web site for everything and of course there is one for cyclist keeping journals about their adventures. I have a journal started there and you can follow my crossing there.
crazyguyonabike.com and search for "My TransAmerica with Sherpas West to East". I will be doing daily updates on that site , should be fun.

Don't worry about me. I'm on high ground.

The kids and I went to play tourist on Sunday. I have a lovely shot of the corner of Beale and Riverside - under water.

You sound like you're in good spirits. Good for you! I'll go check out your cycle journal.

Good to see you're doing well, sc. Enjoy that ride, you crazy guy on a bike!

And Kirby, I miss Beale! I need to make it back down to M-Town one of these days... After the water receeds of course.

Well come on over. I'll buy you a drink. (I'm old enough to be your momma, so don't anybody think anything weird.)