It seems that there are a lot of us right now in plan B.... maybe we could pass some of our free time with a nice thread...???

How long have you been in Plan B?
What are you doing for YOU?

I have been in Plan B a little over a month now and its killing me. He went from crazy waffling about how much he loves me to complete silence... I miss the waffling.

Today he is picking up the kids and I am going to get a haircut. Then I am going to buy groceries and come home. I wish i could do more fun stuff but money is an issue.... a hair cut will be nice though!!!

If any of the experts want to pop in here and give us all hope... that would be cool too...

Hey mehr,
I just started plan b on the 9th. He to was trying to contact me all the time. Now silence for 3 days. Lol. I do the same thing when WH has D. I just go grocery shopping or do errands that I can't do with D. I hope we can get through this plan b and stay strong!

Well, it would seem that my situation is a little different. I'm a BH with a WW who has our DD most of the time. I've been in Plan B since the 11th and, yes, it's very tough. My finances won't allow me do much. I take long walks and listen to my iPod. I read a lot, mostly biblical. I practice on my keyboard as I learn jazz. Other than that, not much else to do.

Do either of you have other family or close friends that support you?

A thread about Plan B, that is something I need to get in on.

I have been on Plan B for 17 months and 3 days. I entered Plan B, on my birthday, which is also a week before Christmas. Sucked.

Let's see, how can you get through Plan B? Well, there are a lot of things that you need to do, and none of them will seem easy. Also, understand that this will take TIME. Recovery(personal, or marital) is a MARATHON not a sprint. And I truly believe that the BS needs some personal recovery to even be able to entertain the thought of marital recovery. BUT, Plan B is about YOU.

Now, in the first little while, you will go though withdrawal. This SUCKS. You will actually ache for your WS. You will go through a grieving process. You will wonder what it is about YOU? You will wonder if your WS even cares about plan B at all. Will this actually work? I can't tell you if this will save your marriage, what I can GUARANTEE is that if you stick with it, it will save YOU. I mean it. Follow the MB plans, and you will not only survive your WSs affair, you will THRIVE.

You will have down moments where you will think, "Did I Plan A ling enough or well enough?" As long as you did the best you could, in the sitch you had, using BOTH the carrot and the stick, you did what you could. You will also wonder if your Plan B letter was good enough. It was. You will read other people's stories and you will see how exposure was more effective in their case, or how they did that better in plan A, etc. Don't second guess what you did. You did the right things. You can't turn back the clock and change what you did. Learn from it and try to help someone else in their journey, if you can.

People, IRL, won't understand what you are doing. There will be pressure from many sources. They will suggest that you break plan B. Stick to your guns. Have confidence in your choices. They will come around once they start seeing how well you are healing. Some will even comment on it.

At first, you will need to just get by, minute by minute. You will need to focus on eating, sleeping, taking care of the kids, housework, getting bills paid, etc. If you can get support from others, great. If not, just plow forward. You will get there, eventually. ALWAYS remember, that MB is here for you. When things are slow, read up on other people's threads. You can learn a lot from a lot of people. And, when you can, lend some support to others who are posting. At first, the pain will be too raw, and you won't be confident in your advice, but lend whatever support you can. Even pointing them to other threads will help them along the way.

Every night, before you go to sleep, congratulate yourself on not breaking Plan B. Celebrate the little victories. Then, every morning, before you get out of bed, tell yourself that you WON'T break Plan B. Stick to it. Remember, every break in Plan B feeds the affair and sets your recovery clock back to zero. Also, when I was first in Plan B, and I had doubts about if I should continue(again completely NORMAL), I thought about all of the pain and suffering I went through during Plan A, and getting into Plan B. I told myself that it would have been a complete waste if all of the work I had done to that point if I was going to give up now. Just keep moving forward. One minute at a time, one hour at a time.

Any time that you find yourself being triggered, try to figure out what set you off and try to avoid it. Pack away all of the things given to you by your WS and pack up the pictures. These things keep you stuck in the muck with your WS. You don't want to stay in the muck, so keep moving forward. If your WS wants to get unstuck, they'll need to get themselves out of the muck themselves.

Now, you will hear people telling you to get yourself mind to stop thinking about your WS. How are you supposed to do that? Well, first, you get rid of the triggers. Then, you recognize that you have had thoughts about your WS. Tell yourself, after these thoughts, "This is harmful to my recovery. I need to think about something else." Then, distract yourself. Watch a funny movie or TV show. Get lost in it. You might even laugh a few times and catch yourself. Celebrate that. That is HUGE.

There was a suggesting to me that I needed to make a "Loonie" jar. In case some of you don't know, in Canada, our one dollar coin is called a "Loonie." Whenever I had a thought about my WH, I had to put a loonie in the jar. At the end of the week, I had to spend the money on something fun with my children. It worked. I realized quite quickly, just how often I thought about my WH. I needed to refocus my thoughts, so what did I do?

I looked at my life, apart from my WH, and tried to figure out what I wanted to do with it. What would I do, if my WH had died? I needed to start living as if he had, because in some very real ways, he had. So, I decided that I wanted to figure out what I wanted to "be" when I grew up. I still haven't figured it out, but I am at least thinking about it. I brainstormed about it on my thread. Also, was there anything I wanted to learn? A new language? How to tap dance? Maybe a new musical instrument I wanted to learn how to play? Could I volunteer somewhere? I took up boxing. It helped me physically, but also emotionally. I also started an online course. I am crocheting again. Doing craft things, reading, and a bunch of other things. I need to fill up my time. It is important.

Also, one of the most important things for me was establishing new routines and traditions with my kids. They didn't ask for their family to be torn apart. they were the true innocents in this. We have family games night, and movie night. We are closer that we were before my WH left.

So, when you are down in Plan B, remember, you are NEVER alone. We all have been there. Sometimes, I forget what it was like, and I re-read my thread from the beginning. It is hard at times, but usually, I am simply AMAZED at how far I have come. There is still much to do, but I am getting there, ONE STEP AT A TIME.

Join me?

I got a hair cut.... it was nice.... its the only break I get and being a full time single mom to 4 little kids is a lot of work. Soon I will add college on top of all that, I start in less than a month. Whether I get enough child support or not will affect everything. I can't wait until that is through.

Yup and yup.

But I do I feel like I can live without him, maybe there would be someone else out there for me, but with the kids we have to deal with each other forever.

[quote=mehr]It seems that there are a lot of us right now in plan B.... maybe we could pass some of our free time with a nice thread...??? Ok let us plan B party on

How long have you been in Plan B? Since April 1st, so almost 2 months. I no longer have an IM. WW and I communicate thru email or text and let me say it is very brief. WW seems to be plan b'ing me(lol). WW told me she never wanted to hear from me for the rest of her life unless about DS, so I am obligeing(sp?). She filed for divorce in Jan so not sure if their is much hope in my sitch. A giant plus is that I have my son with me as we fight for custody. This may be a plus or not, but we live 950 miles away from each other. So being that far apart chances of saving my marriage are greatly reduced(which I have been told by many here, and to go back to the house, thanks guys I know) but it works great for plan B not being around WW. The down side to being far apart is that what ever parenting time she gets I will have to be without seeing my DS for at least 2 months and that sucks but it is life.

What are you doing for YOU? I went back to college, working hard, being a great dad, and doing the things I did before I met my WW. I stopped doing a lot of things I enjoyed for the family, but now I am doing them again and it is great( I really believe I lost myself in this marriage) and I take each day as they come to do something positive for my son, myself, friends and family. I cannont control what my WW is doing all I can do is control myself and what I need out of my life.

I have been in Plan B a little over a month now and its killing me. He went from crazy waffling about how much he loves me to complete silence... I miss the waffling. I can relate, my WW waffled in Feb and March and I sort of miss it cause it seems that they still love and care for you, but it also drives you crazy cause they will not commit back to the marriage. In my sitch, I am not sure if I want to save this marriage. I waffle between wanting my marriage to walking away. In reality put from Just Learning she filed for D anyways so it is really not my choice to save anymore. Thanks JL. It is her choice now and I believe we will be D'ed. I did plan A, some days I did good others I AO and Dj badly, it was very difficult for me to plan A while I knew what she was doing.

Today he is picking up the kids and I am going to get a haircut. Then I am going to buy groceries and come home. I wish i could do more fun stuff but money is an issue.... a hair cut will be nice though!!! Anything you can do will help you, even to the smallest thing if it is positive and keeps your mind off of the sitch.

If any of the experts want to pop in here and give us all hope... that would be cool too...

How do you deal with loneliness? Today I was thinking how lonely I feel... meanwhile he is over there NOT lonely, if you know what I mean. And I can't even date because I am still married.

You remind yourself that what he is doing is WRONG. You also don't let those thoughts grab hold, because one of the first steps to an A is the feeling of entitlement. Don't fall for it.

Mehr I have had the same thoughts, that my WW is having a good time and I am here with the kids, it sucks I know. My sitch has been about 5 months now and LC with WW for almost 2 months so with time it does get easier, I know it doesn't seem like it but it does( I didn't think it would ever get easier when the people here told me it would). I really feel for your sitch with the kids. As hard as it is you need to try and stop thinking about WH and what he is doing, I had a hard time with it myself, but when I got tired of being in emotional pain from wondering I changed my thoughts on what would make me happy today. I know money is tight with you but try to be creative with the kids, do you know how many thing you can make out of a cereal box, even an egg carton can become something you and the kids make out of it. Also when WH has the kids, do what you were not able to do while you had the kids( hair cut) heck even a nap. When you had breaks before what did you do with your free time? or was their never free time time?

Oh forget dating you are nowhere close to that.

As for the loneliness, that was tough also, especially at night sleeping alone in the bed when you shared it with someone for years, but then I was able to use the whole bed, pillows, bankets and snore(lol)and roll over with out bothering the other person. You must keep your mind busy so the thoughts stay away. One thing I had to do was cut off my WW family even tho they are on my side and understand why I needed to. Oh back to the loneliness just got to keep busy and find things that make it enjoyable for you or the kids.

Not bragging here but I live right next to the beach, so I would go for walks on the beach at night to try and clear my head, but it actually did the opposite because it was so quiet that the thoughts of my WW would run wild. Point of that statement is that without my mind being busy on something else thoughts of my WW enter my head. I, for now do not walk on the beach anymore cause it wasn't working for me. So you will have to try many things to see what occupies your mind and not let it wonder onto your WH. Easer said then done I know but it can be done.

Hope my ramblings make some sort of sense

Yes I know I am not near dating, definitely not a good idea, but just not even having the option is sad today. But logical side knows better.

I never really had free time before so I am at a loss....

I did plant a few cheap flowers in some pots for out front today... that was nice. :P Maybe someone else is doing something more interesting....

Just wanted to drop a smile in on the B plan crew. I may get there yet, but I hope If I do I will get a smile back at me.
I have thought about it many times. Im really not sure what I would do with myself if the 3 DC weren't a daily fixture. I imagine I would be lost to a degree.In plan A I started working out again and got more active with the DC and my church group. I smelled the roses and tasted some wines. I also made a decision. I would be happy. I get tough days and then I come here to see if I can give a smile. Stay as busy as you can. I like flowers and so does my WW. We have planted allot this spring.Just got done weeding, ARGH. I would rather plant.

I have been im Plan B since February. I still miss the husband that I knew, not the person he is now. He is still seeing the OW. I began the legal process to protect myself financially.
I have my two boys 95% of the time, so with working full time I have little time to myself, except when my WH takes them every other weekend. He can go for two weeks without calling them. That is hard for me to see. He is deep in his fog and shows no signs of seeing the light. Plan B is hard, but it does give me strength. It is hard not to think about him and his affair. I can not wait to wake up in the morning and not think about him at all.

I hope it gets easier for both of us. I also have the kids 95% of the time and I do get tired. Of course it "helps" that he hadn't been helping with the kids anyway... he was pretty much a selfish bump on a log.... so I was already used to taking care of everything.

I am sorting through all of our stuff and am going to have a garage sale in a week and a half. That way if I need to downsize the house I will have less stuff to move.

I like it when things are decluttered too...

Wow. So many of our stories are so alike in so many ways.

Plan B has been hard for all the reasons you've all mentioned, the loneliness, thoughts of WH and OW running wild in my head, etc. It's so hard on me because for 24 years, WH was my very best friend (all our friends always said they envied our marriage, closeness, compatibility and friendship! ), so I have lost my husband and my best friend and feel very alone most of the time.

Right now I am super busy and that sometimes helps and sometimes hurts. I work full time and have DS5 and DS3 most of the time (WH takes them every Weds for a dinner visit and every other weekend, except he hasn't had visitation in 2 weeks because he exposed my children to his A and OW last time he had them, so I stopped his visitation until he agrees not to do that again). I haven't had a break in a long time and I am exhausted all the time. But staying busy keeps my mind off things.

I'm a high school teacher and soon I will be off for the summer, so that will be my "Plan B Me-Time." I'm planning on catching up on sleep! Also, I'm going to clean our my garage so I can park in there. Sounds silly, but I am very excited about that because we have NEVER parked in our garage. Since the day we moved it was full of stuff (long story; first the previous owner's stuff, then our stuff). I have a ton of things I need to do around the house to get ready to put it on the market. And I'm looking forward to spending time with my kids when I don't feel completely frazzled and overwhelmed by having too much to do.