hello to all here just an earthshaking last few weeks.

To those now like neverguessed and a few others I have not backed down. It doesnt due me any good but to say I have been on those eggselves monitoring and have found this guy and evidence of her affair. I think I did all I could to combat this but now I don't know. She just simply seems not with us. I didn't like the idea but I installed those devices and that shouldn not have to be done between a h and w. So when she was supposed to be traveling him she was at his place there and I saw that. Happened a few times since I last posted.

I can talk a little rationally becuse I am not at home now I am on a religious retreat. Doubt if many of you would understand but this is an experience I found now and wanted to attend given the circumstances. It ended this afternoon and now at a motel here. I feel better for having done this. Point is I need to develop some sort of forgiveness for her that I learned from the retreat priest yesterday. I identified this guy and tracked and caught her severals times since denying or just getting abrasive with me. She would not even disclose to me any of it. Its very emotional for me and but am angry and have been for awile becuase her denial and refusing to even admit or come forward with the fact that on the recorder one day she was talking to him I guess about my job and my current project. I admit it has taken long days but I told her what I was going to be involved in a few months ago and that was not to be said outside of us. I am leading my financial team in an acquisition desired by my compamy CEO, and revelation of that to him shows just diresreptct for me and us.

This William I know now who he is and apprently they were in the same class last fall and thats when we deterorated. I have his phone number and know he is older and divorced and I know she left classes and stopped at his place and is the reason her arriving home late at nights with me sitting our kids.

Well now am not at home and I admit I planed leaving with the retreat and all. The honest to gods truth is I can't stand her. She's had nights out on weekends for her sake and me here and I confronted her three weeks ago. A good frined and none of my business and when the quiestion of mine came did she have sex yes. So from then she's been depreessed and noncommunicative and a couple of times it seems wanted to make up and go out on our typical date and a couple of times even attempted to intiate sex. I wont' tell you what I told her but some would thing pretty bad. I declinded. s constant headakce.

So anyway I am here now in the hotel. Just have had a great dinner tonight at the hotel restaurat. I do not want to have contact with her at all and before I left the house on friday I left her a letter about not trying to contact me in any way. I tried to reach our daughters a little earlier and and when our oldest was on the line with me she disconnected. I am sorry but as of this point , went to banks and withdrew she as $69 which I left in that account to last for te next two weeks for food gas etc. I will pay the mortgage but in my not I told her everything else is hers to do.
I am alone here and feeliing some peace in the hotel and am very angry right now.

Life,

Sorry for your pain. Have you exposed the affair to anyone yet? Have you confronted your wife with the evidence? I wasn't completely sure what you confronted her with.

Cv

LA, one fact strikes me that will probably turn out eventually to be vital for you to have handled correctly NOW.

Leaving aside your feelings for the dishonest skank you're married to, do you love your children and want to see them provided for properly and with care? If the answer is yes, you must swallow your disgust, and move back into your home. Round-heeled wives and their lawyers are very good at generating phony tears before bleeding-heart judges and numbingly stupid juries, and getting decisions completely unfairly in their favor by alleging that their husbands "abandoned" them. YOU WILL NOT STAND AN ICECUBE'S CHANCE IN HELL OF WINNING THAT ROUND! Take an antacid stomach-soother if you have to, to prevent throwing up at seeing your cheating spouse, BUT MOVE BACK HOME!!!!!

THIS IS BEYOND VITAL RIGHT NOW!

If you eventually toss the skank to the curb, being back home will protect your property and paternal rights.

If somehow you decide to reconcile, being there will ease the adjustment for your children.

We KNOW it's going to hurt! Adults like you and us sometimes have to bear the pain for the benefit of those we love.

Man up, my friend. Do the difficult. Move back home.

Lifealtering, when I compare this post to your previous messages, it seems very different. What's going on?

Please don't leave the hotel or do anything rash if you're not feeling well.

never, your resposnse on here about her being in your tems a skank is uacceptable. I admit I am discouaged but however you stage it she is not That. If yours if any advice that I could expect here or others could then be demned wiht ya. Okay.

celtic, okay yes I have evidence of her relationship with her gentleman friend for the last several weeks. The first is the recorder in her car which she seemed to preoccupied to even notice but gave me info on her feelings and her whereabouts. It was also pretty damming in terms of what she has talked about confiding in this guy about us. I know I have not been here every hour but still when I heard her disclosing complaints about me to him and the situation I am in at work has me very upset. That is confidential info and I resent her saying anything to anyone else. I confronted her with my feelings and what I had two weeks ago and I was met with stonewalling. She only admitted they were together one time and admitted to feelings but nothing as to him or circumstances even tho I found where she was ane waht she as said. She has made it like I am the bad person in investigating but I love her and care for us and our family but she doesn't seem to care how this is affecting me and my role in the family so that is why I left. I left because I needed time away for my sake and I feel better now. I needed this retreast and before I left home I explained to my daughers what I was doing and wrote a letter expaining to her what I was doing and why and to not contact me at all. I talked to a few people at the retreat and no one blamed me for leaving and my reason is I need to do this for myself.

I have read on here a few others stories and I cannot do that in terms of waiting a long time for her to come around and pining the way others seem to do. Right now as I sit here am feeling better about getting away for me becuase I found I could not stand looking at her in our home knowing she has someone else. This is my temporary plan b of sorts but it just seems right for me now. She will not disclose anythign about this guy or the meetings and seemed like she wanted to pretendt we are a family. We aren't and that is my point now. I have hurt long enough now and that is my reason for doing this.

I appeciate comments from all of you but I cannot tolerate thinking of my wife and Mom to our kids as a "skank" or whatever as someone has suggested.

Late here but am going to the restaurant for a late dinner and just wanting to take this time to think this through.

LA, condemn my language if you will; it may be that I will someday have to answer for it. That said, I urge you to consider the advice I gave you as coming from someone who only wants the best for you. Your remaining away from your home cannot work for you, or for your ability to influence the raising of your children.

Understandable that you don't want her referred to as a skank. She is still your wife. Now, have you made a list of everyone you and she knows as well as the OM and his family?

YOu need to do that and expose them to the world. It kills affairs. There are folks here who are very experienced in helping with this. It has saved many many marriages.

LA, are you alright?

At 6:57 pm, you said


Then at 9:26 pm you said


Check in with us, okay?

I noticed the same thing. Also, lots of misspellings which is out of character for lifealtering.

Dude, are you okay??

Dude, Just getting caught up on you. MOVE BACK INTO YOUR HOME ASAP. GO HOME!
EXPOSE like a nuclear bomb went off. Kill this A. Your children's lives are what will pay if you dont. Go and take whats yours back. I understand not wanting to be around her I truly do. That is to decide LATER.
For now move home and EXPOSER this to everyone. This is a unwanted/unwarranted WAR being waged on your battlefield AGAINST your family. Gather yourself and use your cunning side. You gonna do that merger without a plan? NO. Now get the plans rolling.

Hello, I did talk to my mom on this last Monday and I confided in her about this. She wanted to call us until I told her I am not at home now. I discouraged her from any contact except general until this subsides. She obviously called other relatives which she does because she is very concerning and religious and my sister called with same thing and I told her the same. I know I cannot handle any questions from family right now even though I know they are concernd. I also had talked to the priest who led the retreat last weekend and so I feel I have good advice. He advised me that she is a wife forever but that he understood the impact of her affair. He simply told me if I needed to get away for my sake to do so but to not allow my anger to affect us permanently and to eventually work toward forgiving her. He also helped me realize that whatever I may have done in the past which could have caused this to know that this was her choice to separate from us.

Sunday was a bad day. I was away from her denials and distance and I felt good just focusing on me at the retreat. Had not been to one in several years. I felt really good after and then when I got to the hotel felt down with thoughts of what has happened. Drank with dinner and then went to the lounge next door and met someone to talk to. She suggested a later dinner in that restaurant lounge. I went back down after going back to my room there and of course naturally she wasn't there and I felt like an idiot. That's what I meant about a later dinner but I am a fool. After that I can see that if she had waited it would have made me feel worse but I feel worse now because I had wanted to call her and my daughters and I didn't. Sunday turned out to be a waste. I had called from my room several times to reach her and no answer. Now that I look at it I know I felt down and acgry about that. It's probably the reason I was happy to find someone.

Am trying getting back to normal. Woke up Monday morning feeling a bad cold. Still feeling it. I haven't felt this much stress before. Sent her an email on Monday from work suggesting we all get together for a dinner out with the kids Monday and no response all day. Then called home to talk to the girls and only questions from her and refusal to bring them to the phone. So I feel more entrenched than I was. I know I need to give in some and I am willing to do that but the things that turn me are reading about some of the men here who seem to want to go forever on waiting out their wives and the priest advising me do not be harsh on her but don't be harsh on yourself in this.

I feel I'm in the best place now even tho it hurts not going directly home from work. I need this time for me now.

I've read a great deal here so far and it makes sense to me but am going to admit I am not that ready to be forgiving. I've tried my PlanA the last several weeks and like it made me feel like a fool. Bring home flowers and ask her for a vase and she ssys did you get the things I had down from the store. I do know flowers arn't the main thing but when I jsut tried being here and even leaving work early to be here it was cold like why are you home so early. For my own sake I want my separation from this stress and I'm in my own planb now for my sake.

The only thing I would want to hear here is how much of a chance do you really have once your spouse has gone over. I don't feel like even getting close to her and I know that's not good but I just feel I can do better from a distance and not let her get to me the way she's done in all of this.

Actually you want your family to contact her. You also need to contact hers. You also inform your kids. Since it was at school, you contact the professor and other administrative staff. Oh expose it to his family

I'm back home now today. Even tho I don't know how much time this will be it feels good. Several days at a motel and several days with a good friend. She and the girls are not here and will not be this weekend. I told her last Wed. I wanted this to end and me to be here and us to work on this and she went to her parents with the kids.

Cag, my mother knows as I told her a couple of weeks ago and I also talked to her dad on the phone to let him know what is going on. Her dad is a great guy and sympathetic but he is very conservative. He's a former executive of a large company and just is cautious and very reserved. I could tell he felt uncomfortable with me talking about my wife and me that way but he did say that he would get to writing her a letter about our conversation. He insisted on not having her mother involved in this.

My sister called my wife a week ago. I got an email from my wife about what I could have told her and got the impression it was an inquiring phone call. My mom is a very open person bless her heart, but sometimes too open and I know she blabbed. Point is except for my mother people in our families expect others to handle their own problems. Not meaning a disaster or that sort of thing but persoanl.

So some know and some don't.

I felt I needed to be away for awhile just to get away from the distance she is showing. When I was still here a couple of weeks ago I fet myself aggravated juste being around her.

My family doesn't know this but I've written and told her the conditions I have to have to stay married. I never thought I ever would tell her this but did and feel bad about it but it is what it is. She's objected to admitting much of anything and agreeing to anything including the information about him and her and why and no more contact under my supervision and total honesty and the transparency. There was sex once. Well I remember telling my parents I had only one cigarette once when I was in their home. I know about the once stuff.

I'm still angry at her about revealing some info about me. I caught on the rec. her saying he is doing this__that, meaning the project I was involved with at work. This was from a couple of months ago. I told her about that project. That was confidential at the time. I don't work for a major company but my job is important to me and this project was important to my bosses. So was in custody of that information. Most of the time this stuff never gets out anyway. The one time it might it could have killed me at that time. I don't trust her with any information right now at all.

That's the problem. I don't trust her with anything. She is upset. She feels put upon and feels she can tell me just to get out again. The distance and tension here was affecting all of us. We're more cordial now but that is it. Yhis has deteriorated so fast it is unimaginable and I don't feel like giving in from where I stand at all though.

So, what do I do. She had called a marriage counselor to get us into counseling. I called the person and found I didn't like the questions she asked on the phone like do you really know your wife and can you agree to her complaints. Christ that person didn't even know she had a relationship. Appropraiate swear words to her and refused.

I feel bad very bad but I feel just happy to be here in my home without her to aggravate me. I miss my girls. I can talk to them on the phone whenever I want to but is not the same as being with them in person.

A bad two weeks and I will make the best of it here now.

I have another concern which really has bothered me the last several weeks. Why do people frickin deny hurting others. General question maybe but why is she refusing to tell me anyting that went on and refusing to make up. I felt like this earlier when I saw the Edwards denial earlier today. On a selfish note at least he had a woman and I don't. I feel like the idiot now. Why would she even want to be distant.

Unfortunately it is a sign she is still in contact with the OM.

What are you doing to protect yourself?

Nothing but an absolute nuclear exposure will help full lock stock and barrel. Your kids being the first to be exposed.. if she gets upset, who cares, she shouldn't have slept around.

Hi life

If your wife was on drugs would you not enlist the help of ALL your friends and family to try to get her off the drugs???
That's what being in an affair is comparable to, she's on drugs and the OM is her drug so the only way you can get her and your marriage any help is to Tell everyone what's going on and to enlist their help to get her off her drug.
There really isn't any other way around this sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Have a good look at the threads where there has been full exposure to everyone and you will see the effectiveness of this.
Her having an affair will not only affect you but everyone in both your families and you need to do the right thing and let everyone know and be able to help in averting your inevitable divorce if things carry on going this way. You can't do this on your own TELL EVERYONE please and brake up this affair.

Life, If you want help come here daily and let us help. So far it seems your just venting and not LISTENING. Im sorry you discovered what we suspected BUT there are specific steps you must take and YOUR NOT TAKING THEM. Either way its your life so gamble it away if you want. Success isn't guaranteed but if you dont EXPOSE this Affair and KILL IT you have say about 0% chance.

Altering .... Do you drink alcohol and then post here?

It's OK to be honest.