Hi Guys,<BR>Just like the songs says, For some reason I still cannot sleep. No matter what I try I am wide awake. I'm sure it's the combination of it all. I just lie there in bed and all sorts of thoughts go through my head. Of course the subject matter is only that of my W. So how do you guys do it? How do you get a good nights sleep. <P>Did anti-deps get you to sleep? If so I am thinking about it. At this point I just want something that will help the nights go away and the weekends go by. I am fearful of this weekend, I really wanted to hang with my W and I asked her last week if she wanted to do something on Sat..... She said she had a party to go to ( without me ) She did agree to going on a hike on Sunday so I am very happy about that <P>I'm sure I am like everyone else here, happy when our spouse is around and sad when they aren't. When Carol lost Glenn today my heart was filled with sadness, My worst fear has come true for someone else. It got me thinking about me and if I were to die how would my W deal with it. So I sent her an E-Mail telling her about Carol's unfortunate situation and told her how I felt about her and our situation in case something were to happen to me (I am a fireman so for some reason I think my chances of getting hurt or killed at work is greater than most). I just wanted to make sure that there was nothing left unsaid as well as no unresolved issues with her regarding my feelings for her. It was something that I had been thinking about for awhile and now she knows. <P>So this is my late night ramblings, I guess this is what folks do when the rest of the world sleeps. So if you are up out there, Know that you are not alone. Thanks for listening. <P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

Hi there Rutger<BR>I am glad you can't sleep its the only way i can get a direct response from you (time difference and all) Here in South Africa its 12.00 midday and I am at work, have you tried sleeping pills ? they worked quiet well for me although having kids was a bit hard if they woke up at night and needed me they had a hard time waking me!!! I am glad about sunday (small steps remember) I have just sent you mail so read it. ramble away I'm here.<BR>Jenny<BR><P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

Hi jenny,<BR>Unfortunately sleeping pills are not an option for me while I am at work. I know, I know, Small steps. I am trying but you know me, I want it all right now. I want her back full force but I know we have to take it slow. It would be better for me I think if she gave me a sign that she is at least considering re-entering our marriage. Then I would be alot more positive, probably sleep better too. <P>Of course when it rains it pours here at work. Busy, Busy, and I just had another situation which jolted me back to reality. It is really starting to sink in I guess about life being too short, to live every moment as if it were your last. I am glad I sent my W that E-Mail, I feel better knowing that she at least has some idea of where I am coming from should something happen. Ok, enough serious talk. Man, it's enough to bring anyone down. <P>I haven't heard any negative stuff about you in quite some time, Does that mean things are going better? I hope so.<BR> <BR><P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

Ahhhhh - another member of the nightowls!!<P>Hang in there, my friend. You're doing good. <P>I sent H a note after yesterday's bad news, too. Just telling him I loved him.<P>Talk with you later.<P>Lori

Hi Lori,<BR>I think you can't go wrong when you tell your spouse whats in your heart. If you love him and you tell him, then whats wrong with that ? Nothing, I say. <P>I'm tired of holding in my feelings toward my W. I have already decided not to hold back anymore. If I feel affectionate toward her, I'll show it. If I love her, I'll tell her. If I want to be honest and open, I'll let her inside me. She's a big girl, If it is too much or she can't handle it, She'll tell me.

Good for you, Rutger, good for you! I gotta say, I admire you.<P>I really shouldn't be doing all this at work - don't know how long I'll be here anyway.<P>Hope the rest of your day goes better. Try to get some sleep!!!<P>Lori

Hi, Rutger.<BR>Nice to see you back. We haven't talked in a while and I havent' been on the board for a week or so. You are so right. What happened to Carol is the world's worst nightmare for us.<P>I am lucky that W is still here so that I can tell her every day how much I love her. It doesn't make her less inclined to leave, but at least there will be no doubt.<P>Don't apologize for "rambling". That isn't what you are doing. You want to see some real rambling, read my last posting...<P>Hang on my friend. You seem to be handling things better that one could expect. It is rough, but you have your strength and love for your W and that is what's important.

Rutger,<BR>My w is on anti-deps and thats not helping her sleep. She is taking xantac(sp) an anti anxiety med. to help her sleep.<BR>she told her friend that she only sleeps about 4 hrs at a time. She still is sleepy all the time. Everytime she comes over, the first thing she does is lay down. It starting to concern me and drive me crazy at the same time. I've got a house and kids to take care of and she's laying down!<P>I'm not sure what helped me. I was sleeping about 4-5 hrs after discovery. For the last month, I have been going to bed earlier and forcing myself to get up. I think its depression but I seem to be able to talk myself out of it by talking with someone.<P>I would assume you are working out in addition to your already strenous work. Just work yourself to fatigue. Reading also helped me. I'm just not crazy about taking meds.<P>Hang in there and God Bless.<BR>