If that were to happen I would simply tell her we have nothing to say to one another and walk away.

Yes, you read that title correctly!

While replying to a friend's post on Facebook yesterday, I noticed that one of this person's friends was none other than The Leopard. Oh, I've known she changed her name, but for the first time in over a year, she's changed her picture.

I'm still at the "able to be triggered" stage, and so several times throughout the day and evening this photo came back to haunt me. I so wanted to get her out of my mind.

Then today (just moments ago, in fact) my phone rang and my caller ID showed it to be one of those "fake" numbers (you know -- "out of area" but showing my area code), so I knew the nature of the call. I answered the phone and held on until a human (with a pronounced Indian accent) responded. After informing the caller that no one by The Leopard's name was at the number, I was told that the number would be removed from their list (yeah, I'll believe that when pigs fly).

But the call had the effect of a cold shower, and reminded me of one of the reasons I am grateful The Leopard has moved on to new prey.

Thank you, bill collectors!

Fred, you can block her on Facebook. It's really, really easy. Go to her profile page and at the bottom of the left column it says "Report/Block this person." Click on it, and it will give you options. You can block her without her ever knowing. If you do, you'll never see her picture on there again. You'll never see comments she makes on other people's walls that are mutual friends. It's like she doesn't exist.

I've done it with my XH. I've also blocked an acquaintance who I believe to have Borderline Personality Disorder because her rantings were upsetting me. She adopted two older children through an international adoption, and I think it was a horrible thing for both her and the children.

Thanks, Kirby. I actually blocked her on Facebook shortly after D-day. I see nothing from what she posts, but have on occasion seen her photo as a friend of a friend.

Given that Facebook changes their security settings often, I should probably revisit them...

It doesn't really matter, though. I saw her today.

I went to a Memorial Day picnic, and shortly after I arrived I saw her there with her son (no daughter, which I thought was interesting) and no OM. At first I thought of leaving, but then thought I had as much right to be there as she did, so I stayed.

For the next couple of hours as I met and spoke with friends, I kept my 'radar' up and made sure I was not anywhere near her. The closest I got at one point had me with my back to her -- while I was talking to Dancing Girl!

She left before I did. I was told by a friend that she gave a big hug to another friend of ours as she left. His comment to the first was, "I'll be she did that for Fred's sake." The reply given was, "I don't think Fred cares."

Fred didn't even notice.

It's not something I want to do often. I took my appetite away and I don't like feeling on guard all the time. Her son has grown in the past 18 months (he's at that 14-15 age) and looked completely bored and uninvolved. Some things never change.

You'll get through this stage, Fred.


YES!!!

Thanks, Daisy.

The angels on my shoulder continue to look out for me.

Whenever something happens to make me wistful for that which was, something else happens to "wake me up" to the current truth.

Usually, it comes in the form of a bill or a collection call.

A few days ago, a bill for almost $1500 arrived for her for some college tuition for which I have no knowledge.

...a year, already?

{Checking calendar}

Yep.

One year ago today my divorce from The Leopard became final.

I think I'll let this anniversary just pass quietly by...

ok....quietly....no one heard a thing....not a peep....

Good job on making it thru one of the toughest year of your life!

Quiet is good.

Shortly after I joined the forums I read most of your thread about divorcing the leopard. I can tell that you're in a much better place, emotionally speaking.

I'm sure that the next year will be even better.

God isn't finished with me, yet.

Last week I had a lot of time to contemplate where my life was going. Attempts to get this software business up and running have been less than stellar, and with my partner's shoulder surgery and subsequent recuperation, I've had a week and then some to pray and meditate.

Alas, my prayers have been answered. As is often the case, the answer isn't the one I wanted. But it was an answer, nonetheless.

My partner sent out an email last night and in essence said, "this isn't working." I knew that. Shortly before receiving the email, I had made the difficult decision to short sell my house and seek some form of income-producing work.

So, apparently God doesn't want me in this house any more. He made it super-easy to purchase when The Leopard and I were together, but it has since become a millstone around my neck and has turned into a money pit. Because I am technically unemployed, I should be able to short sell it without having the bank come after me for the difference, and I will need to spend the next two years with a mediocre credit rating. I can survive that.

A major yard sale to clean out the house and a lot of the detritus of my life, and then try to find a small place to rent with just the basics. I'm a bit of a packrat, so that means a -lot- of stuff to get rid of.

I never thought at this stage of my life I'd have to be starting all over, but I guess that's the way of things.

(((Fred)))

Sorry Fred. I know how you feel....I hope you find a good job soon and enjoy the freedom from having 'stuff' that causes you stress.

(((Fred)))

I'm sorry. I hope that a year from now, you'll look back at this as the beginning of new and better things for you.

If it's any comfort, leaving the marital home was one of the best things I ever did for my mental health. It's really nice to be away from the "scene of the crime" as it were.

I can feel for you Fred, on the house, the packratting ways, the downsizing, the starting over. I had to look up the millstone around the neck part, and all I can say is wow, ok, I just considered my house a prison with no key to get out.

There was indeed a way, and thru the days since then, I've thanked God each day for opening that door for me. My stbxh and his massive debts made the way. We were looking at foreclosure, and ended up giving the house to the bank when we filed bankruptcy to get out from under the debt, which...was the push I needed to get out finally. I was not willing to go back into that financial mess with him ever again.

I don't miss the house, I miss what the house could have been, but not the house it became. It was 2200 square foot with full attic and one car garage full of clutter. From there to a 1000 sq ft apartment full of...clutter. About to downsize to 720 sq ft duplex and the clutter is NOT coming with me this time! I've been slowly packing up, and have two boxes going, and 12 for yardsale/thrift store/dumpster. I think that ratio will continue! I'm not too picky at this point where it goes, as long as it...goes. No guilt hanging over my head anymore.

Sometimes, starting over can be a very good thing. I know it is for me. Going on 20 months since separation. Now if this divorce would just get done, stbxh is making that a mess.

Today would have been my eighth wedding anniversary.

As it is, it is just the first day of Summer.

I think I'll go for a run.

Happy Summer Solstice Fred!

Enjoy your run.

Well, so much for the saying about June weddings:

'Married in month of roses June,
Life will be one long honeymoon'

Happy Summer to you!

Thanks!

These days my running is bookended by

• Searching for a job
• Getting my house prepared to sell

A note to disbelievers: Running CAN be a form of relaxation!

It's hot here.

I had dinner tonight from my favorite Chinese carryout. They know me and so give me an extra fortune cookie every time I order.

As you know, I'm out of work (again) and looking for employment. So I was encouraged by the first cookie's message:

I was brought back down to earth by the second cookie, and was reminded they're only entertainment:

Sigh.