I'm not a vet, but I have a just read thru this entire thread, and have a few comments.

This caught my eye several pages back:


Whats the story on step dad? Divorced? Was there an affair, if so, was it with mom? He was the only family member as I recall who was against the affair. Find out what he lost if it was a divorce due to an affair, regardless of whether he was the BS or OM, either way, he lost a lot, have him talk one on one with your WW and have him lay it on thick.

EXPOSE and when you do, to EVERYONE that you already exposed to, the WORKPLACE AND every stinkin friend you guys have, heck their friends to. Blow this thing so wide open it will cause an earthquake in California (sorry for anyone who lives there).[/color]

Enlarged that to get your attention this time. Don't blow your last chance to save this if that is what you truly want to do, and if not...think of your kids growing up with one parent, and do it for them.

DO NOT sign anything on selling the house. Use that to stall.

Found this on your state laws:

"Kentucky has a confusing and important exception to the general concept of "no fault" in dissolution. If you are seeking maintenance, [color:#FF0000]your fault (i.e., adultery, drunkenness or other egregious misconduct) may well be used against you. Only the fault of the party seeking maintenance will be considered. The fault of the party against whom maintenance is sought, on the other hand, will generally not be considered."

Hope she doesn't expect spousal support. Imagine if she lost her job due to workplace exposure, she might then want 'spousal support' or have to stay in the house, with you, giving you another chance to save this thing.

Found this little tidbit too:

"The Court must conclude that the marriage is "irretrievably broken". Lawyers are ethically required to help people reconcile if possible. However, you should be realistic. Is there a reasonable likelihood you and your spouse can or will reconcile? Your lawyer really does care about that issue . The bottom line is this: The court considers most misconduct and blame for the break-up of the marriage to be irrelevant."

Sounds like this could be the stalling you need, you could say you believe the marriage can recover if given a chance using counseling with Steve Harley and Marriage Builders. You each owe that to your children. Worth a try.

Other than that, Kentucky divorce laws suck unless you are a POSWS and want a fast way out.

PS.......DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE!!! If anyone moves, she moves, without the kids.

Well, I went out last night and drank one too many beers. I got home and wasn't cool at all. I told her I know the affair was still going on and laid out some facts I got from the VAR. I did not tell I had a VAR but she proceeds to tell me I only knew about things that could be learned from recording her. (I think I blew it, damn Miller Lights.)

I also didn't expose yet because I couldn't type very well and I didn't want to send something so important without having a sound mind.

I told her that I love her and still want our marriage to be better than it was before but I was not going to be in a marriage that didn't include total transparency, love, affection and a positive place to raise our children. I told her that I am willing to talk about reconciliation but she will have to instigate it with me. I told her that right now this isn't possible due to other man in our relationship and that she should leave the house. She then proceeds to tell me she isn't leaving.

So can I do a Plan B with her in the house with me? Right now I don't think I want to be married to her anymore. I certainly don't want to Plan A right now. I don't want to talk to her or even acknowledge she is in the same room as me. Tell me this is normal?

Anyway, here is the letter I am going to email to the appropriate people in her company (HR, boss, etc.). If I send this it is the last nail in the coffin of my marriage.

Thoughts on the below?

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of X's Code of Conduct and/or Core Values (Quality, Integrity, Service and Innovation).

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace for at least a year while both parties have been married. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources , asset and funds. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their illicit relationship. They will both be together next week at President's Club and I personally think this is a bad idea. By letting them go, company name would be enabling this affair to continue.

This is especially concerning since X is in a management position within your company. His integrity and decision making ability should be questioned.

I hope you take steps in stopping this affair. I love my wife and children very much and I want to keep my marriage intact. However, it is increasingly difficult with another man involved. If you have any questions, or need specific proof, please call me at xxx-xxxx or via email at X. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Ok, this is weird. The Lord works in mysterious ways. OM just sent my wife a NC letter and BCCd me. I drank last night but I didn't send OM anything. I'm still going to expose.

And you should

Also, stop the drinking. Not ony is it a bad idea health wise, it is messing with your ability to keep your mouth shut and your plans hidden.

I don't believe that you are ready for Plan B yet. It isn't used to just get out whenever your WW pisses you off, or you feel like you can't handle that moment. It is NOT to be done on emotions alone. You need to do it as part of your plan.

Are you going to be able to control yourself and get yourself into a plan that will actually work?

Plan B isn't a cake walk. While it is a break from the drama, it is harder than doing Plan A, and recovery is harder yet.

You CAN do this, you need to do this. What you need to do is get your plan sorted out, and execute it.

Scotland is a lady - refined, genteel, considerate of your feelings.

Me? Not so much!

Is there a reason you ask for advice, and specifically act contrary to its content?

EXPOSE, IN A NUCLEAR WAY - No, I'd rather not.
KEEP YOUR SOURCES SECRET - No, I'd rather give away any advantage I might have.

Frustrating, dude!

I know different companies have different policies but what can I reasonably expect from exposure to the workplace? They do not live in the same city but work for the same company and WW does not report to him. Can it range from reprimand to I assume firing? I just don't know what to expect.

Originally Posted by BXB9473

I know different companies have different policies but what can I reasonably expect from exposure to the workplace? They do not live in the same city but work for the same company and WW does not report to him. Can it range from reprimand to I assume firing? I just don't know what to expect.

BX ~
Instead of trying to predict the outcome of sending a letter to your WW & POSOM's workplace, you need to decide whether or not you are willing to "DO" what has worked for 1,000's of people using Marriage Builder principles...
I have seen people who have trusted the vets here and jumped in with both feet, TRUSTING that following these principles TO THE LETTER, offers a much better chance of restoring marriages than doing what you are doing...
Which is, SECOND-GUESSING, WAFFLING, BACK-PEDALING, etc...
Why do you think you have NOT heard back from the MB Veterans who have offered you their best advice & expertise?!?
You have demonstrated that you are not a person who is willing to "trust" what they have offered!!!
Believe me when I say they all have better things to do than coddle someone who is not willing to do what is needed to restore love in their marriage!
If I were you, I would reread your entire thread thoroughly...
After you read it, READ IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
Then, make up your mind whether or not you want to join the MB "Team". If so, great! If not, you need to seek counsel somewhere else...
If/when you decide to man-up and "DO" what is needed by sending a NC Letter to your WW & POSOM's company, come back...
That is when you will hear back from the Veterans who know a whole lot more than you and me!!!
They will be more than ready, willing & able to guide you...
If you decide otherwise, good luck...

Don't be fooled by the email from OM. He could just be trying to throw you off.

You may have scared him and he doesn't want his wife/gf to find out what he's doing.

So don't buy it.

EXPOSE.

There is no Plan B while living in the same house. The secret for you is to make it 100% clear for her that you aren't going to go anywhere, that you don't want a D, and that you will fight tooth and nail if she pursues one.

Most of all, stay calm and cool.

That was the #1 piece of advice I got when I was going through my mess and I DIDN'T FOLLOW IT!

So be James Bond.

DON'T TELL YOUR WW ABOUT THIS WEBSITE!

There is no reason to try to figure out what will happen when you expose. It can range from firing to nothing. Does that matter? Nope. All that matters is that this is the first step in a lot of hard things you are going to have to do if expect to have a chance at saving your marriage. In my case, exposure was pretty much ineffective but I feel AWESOME about having done it because they can't go around pretending that this is some true love story. Everyone knows that it was a dirty wrong AFFAIR. That's enough for me.

BTW everyone who has exposed hasn't regretted that decision. The ones that regret things about exposure are the ones that never did it or the ones who did it too late.

You didn't expose to work did you? You'll wish you did at some point.............

How goes it, BXB?

Did you ever expose to your wife's workplace?

Bump