And I thought MINE was bad?

Folks, THIS IS WHY YOU EXPOSE!!!

I found out tonight by a "friend", I'm just out to hmm, 'punish' my stbxwh.

Praying for you Kirby, you will do fine. You better.

Court went okay.

Then Himself asked to take the boys out to lunch. Arrangements were made and he picked them up and took them out for an hour.

When he returned them, the boys were very upset. Himself seems to be having some kind of break with reality. He told the boys that he had requested visitation multiple times and always been turned down by me. He told them that he had called/emailed/texted them many times over the past few months.

Y'all, it's simply not true.

He also told the kids that it wasn't his fault that he hadn't seem them lately and started giving them a list of demands. The same list of demands that he had written and handed me at the courthouse. When I showed my lawyer, he was really surprised at Himself's attitude. Lawyer asked to keep it because he (lawyer) wants to show it to the new mediator that was chosen yesterday.

calls, emails and texts and he had that proof to show the court. RIght? LOL. What'd the judge say to him?

Been going thru paperwork here, ugh, glad I don't HAVE to do this yet, just trying to look one more time, when this divorce is final it's going into a bonfire. Every freaking bit of it. Other than the D papers, those I think I will FRAME and hang on the wall.

Yours is doing the same thing my stbxh is trying to do, only kind of in reverse. Just lying. Period.

:-(

It didn't get that far. We negotiated in the hall and then went into the courtroom and told the judge what we had agreed to. He did not file anything claiming that I had prevented visitation.

He just tells his little delusions to everyone he knows. And it upsets the kids.

ugh, keep track of them all, and trump him in front of the judge. Only fair if he can upset the kids, the judge should know what he's doing.

Of course, If I would stop taking my own advice, I might be sitting here talking to my own daughter right now.

Instead, I'm climbing walls.

Kirby,

I'm glad your hanging in there, and sorry that himself can't find away to just get along. It sure sounds to me like the school option that you agreed to was an excellent compromise.

I hope your keeping good records, having the evidence to back up your position will be critical when you face the judge, taping you phone calls, saving e-mails, keeping a journal of activities, all that will help your position when the time comes.

I hate that himself can't find away to get along and move forward, in the end it's always the kids that suffer most and there's no easy way to fix it. I like the idea of a IM to handle visitation, and if it can be put on a schedule and you keep a journal of each visit, time, dates, length, mood of boys going and coming, missed or late pickups. All that creates a case for you if himself tries to change things in court.

I hope this week is a good one for you, I'm off on a work trip and ready to get back on my bike as soon as I can.

That's a great idea to journal the boys' mood before/after visitation! Thanks. I've been keeping up with visitation, but it's been really easy up til now because he has rarely seen them.

Have a good trip.

Time for an update. Boarding school didn't happen. The children are now in a small private school that seems to be working for them.

We negotiated a new custody agreement that took effect on 7/22. Immediately afterward WXH started seeing the kids occasionally. Our 17yo DS went out to lunch with him once, went to a work project with him for a couple of hours (where WXH ignored the kids) and is now refusing to have any visitation with his father.

The divorce has been final since the end of March and my WXH has filed something with the courts every single month since the divorce was final. I honestly think he is completely looney tunes.

The latest is that he has filed for mediation because he wants to switch weekends. But he got to pick which weekend the new parenting plan started.

And he has scheduled testing for the boys. They have documented learning disabilities and need to be tested every three years to remain on an IEP. I discussed the testing with their school, and the school recommended that the younger one be tested now and the older one have his testing in the spring. But Himself's lawyer sent a letter saying that if the testing doesn't go forward, he will file for sole decision-making.

This should be interesting. I have said that I will take DS15 to his testing, but not DS17. If WXH tries to take our son to the testing, DS will not go.

Testing is scheduled for testing on 9/13 & 9/14. I guess we'll see what happens.

[quote]In my case the if I had withdrawn my support of my WW she could have taken me to court for temporary support. It's a hearing that can be set up quickly. The judge that hears the temp support is not the judge that settles the case. In my case if the WW could have established the need for that support, my lawyer said that would have an influence the judge that would later hear the D case. That a precedence would be set for support and the amount of alimony I would have to pay would be effected by it.[quote]

I think it all depends on the court-I also live in West TN. When I switched lawyers, tired of getting blindsided by Xs lawyer every time we went to court we always appearred before the same judge/chancellor. The only time we didn't was at settlement agreement which was mediated by other chancellor but acting as mediator instead of judge. IMO it also depends on how lawyer presents-I/we tried to get support after I was fired from company that I had been with for eight years-now Xs lawyer presented like I set out to get fired from job that covered all 3 of us with insurance and income that I needed to take care of DD, and all debt, bills that X left me with when he walked out. (He only paid first and second mortgage and depleted/hid funds from 401K)

One item that I did learn from new lawyer-and even though your divorce is finalized it may be helpful to others in TN-if a mediated agreement has not been signed, it can not be enforced in court. My new lawyer was amazed once I explained how first lawyer was handling my case, how now X walked away from mediation meeting and flat out said "I'm not doing it" and even her boss just quipped, yep they do things different in XXXX.

Good to hear from you Kirby.

The weekend shuffle is pretty common from what I have heard, again lawyer territory which I am not familiar with at that level.

Just keep talking sense in the face of what you and the DSs see is foolishness and selfishness, and maybe look farther into another lawyer?

God Bless you

Thanks for commenting, CP. I'm actually on my 2nd lawyer now. When I stood up to WXH and said that he's have to take me to court to over the weekend thing, he and his lawyer backed down. They were going to have to do mediation first (it's in the agreement) and my lawyer had gotten his lawyer to agree to a very forceful mediator who wasn't going to put up with any nonsense.

They filed for mediation, realized that they didn't want to deal with that mediator, and then said they would withdraw the mediation request. I think he was having fun being a bully when I caved to every threat, but I've stopped that nonsense.

I am so sad to see the are back together again. Your WH is so much like mine, and her dumping him gave me hope because my WH's OW dumped him recently as well.

I am waiting in Plan B. Nothing yet concerning reconciliation. When she was out of the picture how was his behavior towards you?

When she dumped him did he get nicer or nastier to you?

Thanks,

Tough

When she dumped him, he sent me a text telling me that he was single. I thought he was completely delusional since we were STILL MARRIED at that point.

My WXH ignored me and the children for a couple of months. Then he hired a different lawyer and filed frivolous motions on a monthly basis from February until August. It was horrible. Truly horrible. Cost me a fortune and he usually dropped the motion after a couple of lawyer letters or when we got to court.

He has gone back into hibernation mode recently. Neither the children nor I have heard from him since the end of September.

I have been in a very strong Plan B for a long time now. WXH does not have my home phone number. He has my cell number, but I don't answer when he calls it. The only contact we have is through email or snail mail. I don't respond to emails unless they are regarding the children and actually need a response. WXH doesn't have much opportunity to be nasty to me. I'm working on my personal recovery at this point and am happy to be moving on.

I am not dating right now because my kids aren't ready for that, but I'm making new friends and have started going to a singles sunday school class. If my WXH wanted to see me again, he would have to prove himself to be a totally changed person. I don't see it happening, and I'm fine with that.

Has his interest in the children changed? I noticed in another thread you put down your kids were around her. Did they live together?

I am in the same boat at the moment. It will take a miracle from GOD to change my husband into someone I want.

Kirby, if your WxH has ANY contact with you, you are NOT in Plan B.

I think your Personal Recovery would come along much more quickly if there is absolutely NO CONTACT.

Get yourself into a dark as night Plan B.

One thing that I have learned from my situation is that everyone has a free will. Just like they have the choice to choose to have a relationship with Christ, they have choices in how they want to live their lives. No matter how hard you pray, have faith and believe....it is still their choice. God will not will for them. So how long will you wait and watch? Because your change might be what brings about change....and if not the change wasn't going to happen anyway. It's just like a dance. If one of you changes they way you move your feet....the dance changes.

Because he was physically abusive why haven't you gotten a protection order to protect your children from his abusive tendancies. Then the court has to side with you for custody to protect the children.

My WXH introduced two of the adult children to the OW. He has never lived with her. He hasn't shown much interest in the children since we separated over 2 years ago. He wants to be able to control them and me, but it was never about wanting to be around the kids.

There was no physical abuse of me and only three instances toward the children. Since he has spent less than 24 hours with them in the last year and a half, there's not really a need for a PO.